And I would add that offline dating is no different, for very much the same reasons.
Most men and many women bear the brunt of silence, while most women and many men bear the brunt of noise. Noise, noise, noise. People commenting on your looks, dissecting your hastily written profile and sharing their judgements, baring their souls (and often their genitals) before you can even say hello. How do you begin to sort through that mess? I never could.
I think the larger truth of passive participants to dating sites having an easier time is more truth than the gender lines. Now, it's true that more women take passive roles than men and because that's the norm that has momentum it'll probably stay that way, but it's possible for anyone to play that part. I know more and more women in my life who are seeing that, too. Being passive is great because you don't have to put in the work and still get some reward, but you also give up a lot of control. One in particular was getting tired of the kinds of guys who would reach out and started messaging people proactively. She was just as ignored and disappointed as everyone else who gives it their all. On the other hand, I stopped active searching altogether when my future wife reached out to me, which was the easiest date I've ever gotten. I like the revelations from this season of the Start Up podcast which focuses on a dating site. In it they discuss people's expectations and beliefs and how we allow ourselves to believe we deserve more than we do when we're online because there's none of the intangible human feedback of in person communication. That seems to be closer to the core of the pains of dating, to me at least.
Great post! Online dating in general sometimes unfairly gets a bad wrap, but most people don't realize that over 40% of new relationships world-wide are started ONLINE! There are a lot of good paid sites, and a few great free ones if you know where to look. For those who are more interested in Asian singles, the best truly free site we've found is www.Filipino4U.com There are also some good paid sites like Match or eHarmony if you are willing to pay monthly fees.
Not only is it easier to be passive in dating (who doesn't like the thrill of being actively desired by someone you're attracted to?), but I think societal gender roles put a huge emphasis on women being demure and reserved about their sexuality, and this makes it so that women who do decide to take initiative are looked down upon as "aggressive" and "promiscuous".