Fuck that. There is absolutely no trust on his part, she isn't lying when she says she'll be 20 minutes, that's her genuine expectation, her partner needs to accept that sometimes shit happens. My partner buys things all the time without telling me; I don't feel compelled to dig through her finances because I can trust that she will not be reckless with her money and if there is a large purchase I can trust that she would tell me. If she forgets to tell me, I am not going to get angry with her and start calling her a liar. _refugee_ is absolutely right, he's controlling xofaith, but worse he's manipulated her to the point that she even believes she's some pathological liar and not that he is the problem. Put it this way, Faith said in the very first paragraph that she is "terrified" and "operating out of fear", those are words you should never need to describe a relationship, once it reaches that point you should do everything you can to get yourself away and safe.
I will be honest and say my gut is telling me this is not a good situation for OP. I think I can see some contributing factors that may have made OP blind to BF's negative traits - I think OP may be insecure about how their medical issues impact their ability to be in a relationship, and/or OP may have low self-esteem or low self-worth that relates to those issues. And as a result OP may not think she is worthy of much, and OP may have been so thankful for her BF being there for her (in whatever way) that it may have blinded OP to relationship red flags. OP may not have much relationship experience, either (please note: these are all speculations based on literally one post and I could be quite wrong with all or many of them and if that is the case, I apologize, please correct me, this is just what I am seeing right now as the situation has been presented). I didn't call out the terrified and operating out of fear as OP seemed to attribute that more to her illness. Unfortunately, whatever may have led OP to be acting and reacting to life in that way has not put her in a safe place to make good decisions mentally. When we act out of fear we are like rats scrabbling in a cage. Reason and logic go out the window and we will run towards whatever feels good without caring much what the long-term consequences may be. I do think OP could use some therapy, of the mental health kind. I don't disagree with what deanSolecki said. Then again, I did read all these comments and the alarm bells I heard ringing did not seem sufficiently identified and expressed here, which is why I posted. I think when you are reading relationship problems on the internet, it's important to remember there are two sides to every problem, and while one may want to rush in and offer lots of help, there are a lot of unknowns at play. For instance we don't know what else OP may have lied about. We don't know if at any point OP asked her BF to help her stay sober. While I don't think that would be an appropriate role for a BF, it would make his request to monitor her financials seem slightly more reasonable, even if I still feel it is out of line and should not be allowed. I thought deanSolecki's proposal was a good way to determine whether the actual "lie" about time was what was causing the BF's problem, or if the situation really went deeper than that. It was a good litmus test. However, and I think this is what you are responding to Cedar - I think some of us reading this post might be worried that OP may be more at danger staying for the time it would take to execute this test than it is worth, due to the other red flags that we see. sigh why didn't I pursue therapy as a career, I really enjoy this stuff
I think all three of us are of the same opinion. This looks like a bad situation, with a lot of red flags. Still, OP sounds young. There could be some embellishment, or some misdirection. In that case would it still look like a bad situation? Yes, I think so. But a few paragraphs of text isn't enough for a mathematical certainty. On top of that, a litmus test is a way for OP to convince herself, and not take it on faith from the internet that things aren't as they should be. Will that work? Eh. Probably not. But it might get her to start thinking about things in a different way, as a first step. I agree, though, it sounds like OP is trying, feels guilty, and her boyfriend has all the power in their relationship and isn't kind about it. I'd be genuinely surprised if things were not very, very bad. If there's victimization going on it certainly isn't OP's fault. I get the feeling we've heard the last of OP, though, so we'll be left guessing. :\