knock knock "ah, hey, sorry, I am a little early today, can I still get a drink? yeah, I take some Tripel Karmeliet please, thanks :)" I sit down at the table with the "Reserved for Hubski" sign on it, the barman gets me my beer to the table (how nice of him!) and I start to write a note to the hubskiteers across the lake. By the time they pass by I will either be drunk, sleeping, or drunksleeping. How are you doing guys? The past few weeks were good. Some turbulence mainly taking things higher up the mood scale. About a month ago I met a girl. I found her interesting. She was self confident, playful and calm. After meeting twice we ended up hooking up. It was fun, it was exciting but I was not falling for her. I wasn't blown away, I did not have a crush. In a situation like this I usually end things up, right there. I don't want us to invest into something that was only one sided. This time though I felt like I want it to continue. I noticed that she wanted to spend time with me, more than I was comfortable with, but still respected my choices when I wanted to have an evening alone, and that without having the feeling that she didn't like my choice. Slowly over the weeks I got to know her a little better and got surprised more and more. Now we got to the point where we spend 4 evenings a week together and it just feels good. I am still worried and somehow afraid of the "definitions talk" where she asks me "what are we?" and I don't know how to answer her and she then gives me an ultimatum to decide whether we are in a relationship or not and and.... here goes my brain too far again. Fact is, I like her and I am enjoying getting to know her slowly. It is different to any interaction I had before because I was either full on in love or not interested. I am not sure what to do next but maybe I don't have to be sure. All I know is that it feels good. Last weekend we threw a leggings party. It was my birthday and somehow we use that as an excuse to throw a big party and celebrate life. Somehow, I was able to get about 100 people to put on fancy leggins and have their asses slapped on the stage during a spanking contest. It was a hell of a night and probably one of this year's highlights. I also found out that I am surrounded by excellent, wonderful and beautiful people. It warmed my heart. Two weeks ago, I had a small MDMA session with three of my friends. Two of them never tried MDMA before. The main reason for doing it was due to one of them having a hard year and feeling that he is "blocked" inside. He kept asking me to do mushrooms with him but I was worried to go to psychedelics before he experienced something somewhere in between. This lead to this session where we all took a normal dose on a Sunday afternoon. We spend the time indoors, in my room, listening to music, dancing and talking. One of them spend the 5 hours drawing without having much of an interaction with us. It was very weird for the first times, of course, but both enjoyed the experience. The best was the afterglow. Somehow, the friend with the "blockade" had a short "Aha!" moment where he realized that his day to day worries are just that, worries. Deep inside he was still a kid enjoying life. For the past two weeks, he is changed. Smiling, dancing, cooking, interacting. I did not expect that, but damn I am happy for him :) Next summer we might try some low dose of mushrooms... I mentioned the last time I was here that I started a small Psychedelic Research group at uni. I gave my first talk to the group, an audience of 12, about the pharmacology of psychedelics. Starting from basics about ligand binding and receptor types up to explaining a recent serotonin receptor crystal structure paper (http://www.cell.com/fulltext/S0092-8674(16)31749-4). They all seemed to understand the shamanic language I was talking and we had fun discussions. Overall it took us 2 hours to go through 15 slides which felt like a good sign. Really looking forward to the next meeting where one member will introduce us to the works of Stanislav Grof! brm brm brm... I am talking a lot today, my beer is getting warm! Edit: That was the flyer for the party :)
"I am letting myself fall in love with you and watching to see how it happens." The best way to deal with these conversations is to be absolutely clear in your head and then present that clarity in the kindest way possible. People get hung up on semantics. It comes from a fear of expressing yourself, of making yourself vulnerable. You will find, as you get older, that control in any relationship belongs to the person with the most confidence. I dated a girl who, by the second date, knew I would be with either for weeks or forever. When she really pissed me off I said to myself "weeks" and moved on.I am still worried and somehow afraid of the "definitions talk" where she asks me "what are we?" and I don't know how to answer her and she then gives me an ultimatum to decide whether we are in a relationship or not and and.... here goes my brain too far again.
I couldn't have put this in better words. This is exactly how I feel this time. I am not coming from a point where I am already madly in love and discovering things that I don't like about the person but the other way around and it is very refreshing. Thank you for the advice bl00!
My only experience with MDMA was weird, I just sat around my friends room talking to him all night thinking this wasn't doing anything until I moved the black out curtain away from the window and realized it was mid day. I bet had I had the resources I could have sat quietly in a room full of people and drawn the entire time. It wouldn't surprise me if it was mostly speed. The jaw grinding thing really creeps me out too.
The jaw grinding is an annoying side-effect that can be handled well with some chewing gum. It also depends on the dose and (apparently) how muscular of a person your generally are. I for example don't get jaw problems unless I go for 150mg. At 100mg it is not a problem. Some magnesium beforehand seems to help some people, maybe try that before the next time.
Glad to hear you started with MDMA, and not the more common "ecstasy", in its myriad forms. The insightful and useful properties of MDMA are often diluted or completely overshadowed by the speed/amphetamines they cut into it to make ecstasy. I am a fan and enthusiast for psychedelics. Mushrooms are my Thing. But MDMA and LSD have their place, as well. nod of recognition to a fellow mental traveller...
A fun fact about "ecstasy" tablets. In recent years, specially in europe, ecstasy pills have contained pure MDMA. The times where they were cut is over because the production got much cheaper, drug checking is becoming mainstream and bad dealers are basically kicked out of the market by the consumers. Another fun fact, MDMA got cheaper when a new synthesis was discovered that starts with PMK oil. PMK oil is rather easy to produce in masses and is not as heavily regulated as saffrole which had to be shipped from Cambodia to Europe for further processing. Now customs are ceasing huge containers coming from china filled with PMK landing in Europe... It is not helping as Europe is flooded with it. Another fun fact, the major production of european MDMA moved from Belgium/Netherlands to Poland which also has lower labor costs further dropping the price. In some areas in poland you can get a pill of pure MDMA with 140mg inside for 1,50€. In Berlin a gram of MDMA goes for 30€.
No, it literally just stopped having any effect on me. It's not like I ever took much - once every 6-9 months or so, for about 2 years - but at some point it just didn't do anything for me. I tend to have an extremely high resistance to pretty much anything. Caffeine. Pain killers. Recreational drugs. And I don't take anything on a regular basis. I even have a fantastic collection of single malt scotch whiskys, and I will have maybe one or two drinks a week. In fact, I wanted to get high the other day on cannabis. But it doesn't have much effect on me, usually. So we went to the cannabis store, talked to the pros there, and the woman gave me two different tinctures to try out. (I had previously tried the Legal Weed coffee drink, which has 40mg of CBD in it, and it had almost no effect on me.) I finally found my sweet spot! 50mg of CBD. FIFTY milligrams!! And it takes about 2 hours to take effect. So yeah... I don't do any sort of drugs often because it simply isn't very predictable.
Due to its lack of desirable effects on me, I have little to no knowledge of how cannabis, or any of its components or compounds, actually work. Or what they mean. For example, I have no idea what the relationship of CBD to THC is, or even what they stand for. I had to google the Legal Weed drink I had, because I knew it had "40 of something" in it, but didn't know the measurement used. (I think it is 40mg.) So ... I know some of the words in your comment, but am not really equipped with the background info to understand how it applies to me... I feel kinda derpy right now, honestly! :-)
In very general terms: CBD is a semi-legal anti-inflammatory, anticonvulsant, possibly tumor suppressing, pain reducing compound found in cannabis. Delta-9 THC is a psychoactive compound found in cannabis, responsible for the high. Both are found in the plant and breeds have been developed that contain high amounts of either or both kinds. CBD is semi legal, in that you can buy it, possess it, but the process of producing it involves growing cannabis which is still illegal for those of us living in the dark ages. Also, most CBD extract or tincture has some amount of THC present. Not enough to get a buzz, but enough to fail a drug test or catch a felony for possession.
That helps a lot. This makes conversations with my parents (CBD users) and my wife (THC user) make WAY more sense. Yeah, I went to the pot shop to get high. Not to get healthy. So they provided me with the sativa tincture I needed to get my 50mg dose that finally had the desired effect.
Would you say that's equivalent to developing a crush on someone? Or, are you enjoying this, but still not having the initial feeling you were looking for? MDMA is one of those things I've always wanted to try once, but never have.Fact is, I like her and I am enjoying getting to know her slowly. It is different to any interaction I had before because I was either full on in love or not interested. I am not sure what to do next but maybe I don't have to be sure. All I know is that it feels good.
MDMA was my introduction to the "world of drugs" and has since triggered my interest in the biology behind these substances. I think I posted the story of my first encounter here on Hubski. I remember walking across the Thames after that party at 7:30 AM and thinking "how can this be prohibited?", it did not make sense to me.
Because it was decided back in the early days of the 20th century that it was politically advantageous to make the sovereign right of altering ones consciousness through the use of entheogenic chemicals illegal. The US set the standard and the rest of the world followed suit. Modern drug laws directly descend from this decision. The DEA's refusal to even allow the phrase 'medical cannabis' in the court of law comes directly from this political motivation. Death to Tyrants.I remember walking across the Thames after that party at 7:30 AM and thinking "how can this be prohibited?"
It is particularly scary to think about this whole deal. Europe, specially Germany, which I would consider a country of science and reasoning just signing that UN treaty basically banning all entheogens and psychedelics over night. It makes me wonder if such centralized organizations are a good thing at all, specially when decisions are taken so fast and without proper research.
Usually, I have an initial obsession with a person. This is usually because of a specific trait of the person that I envy. My brain goes into overdrive, extrapolating a shared future and all the situations that we could go through. Kind of like a simulation. The person would usually be on my mind 24/7 and I would crave their company. This time this feeling was not there. Not at all and it really got me worried/panicking at first. So I would not call it a crush but rather falling in love.
I love belgian tripels. They have a taste that I really enjoy and one bottle gets me to the sweet spot. They are scary though. If you are used to drinking a few german pils or helles and you try the same thing with the tripel you are in for a crazy evening!