Rarely fall asleep in class-- it's standard for kids to get up and stand in the back if they're falling asleep-- but I was out cold in Persian today. I'm getting worried about the fact that caffeine and nicotine dominate as my sources of energy, since sleep is scarce and the nicotine tends to kill my appetite combined with the high amount of time and money required to secure a "good" meal here. Basically I'm being a giant bitch. The main 3 reasons I'm being a giant bitch is the peak of pre-midterm academic workload, some administrative and disciplinary issues due to me being tired (being inattentive about stuff or not being on time to something are both big no-no's), and this relationship I accidentally entered a few weeks ago that I have not quite been able to end despite my best efforts. My main takeaways are to find a new and effective source of energy (Change my workout? Try swimming since the gym's pool is freezing? Meth?) and mitigate the emotional toll I put on myself for being shitty. Also, I would genuinely give up 2 months stipend at this point to magically wake up and kick nicotine. I just don't have the willpower at the moment. Fun fact: Pubski is dope because it encourages you to put your thoughts into words, which helps your thoughts be better!
Actual exchange I had with a coworker: "What's up, galen? You seem off" "Eh I'm fine, just tired." "Ah ok. Want some crank? Wake you right up." "... no thanks, man, I'm good." "Ok!" [disappears into the back room for a few minutes](Change my workout? Try swimming since the gym's pool is freezing? Meth?)
Eggs and bananas get me through the rough times. Also frozen burritos. There are times to eat well and then there are times to just eat. Caffeine and nicotine do not give you energy. This is important to internalize. They let you borrow energy from your near-future self. They are like a credit card for your metabolism, giving you an advance on the consciousness that you're running out of. They do not actually put any money back in the bank.
I don't know where I would be without PB&J with a sliced banana in, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch is my reason for getting up in the morning. I'm a big fan of the little things. Of course you're right about the credit analogy for these substances. It's the ease of access to the short-term solution without planning recovery that compounds the problem.
Big time. Dated a girl whose dad and grandad were both psychoanalysts. Grandad, to get dad through med school, gave him a couple bottles of Dexedrine to keep him up and a couple bottles of Thorazine for when he had too much Dexedrine. Dude was fucked up even like 20 years later. Not sure it was the drugs but the story is better if it was.
I don't even want to think about the bonafide culture of ADHD medication abuse in post-secondary education and even high school. Fuck all that shit, even if it helps you cram for a class. ADHD diagnosis should require a fucking month-long study of your living habits or something, and parental input should be disregarded by default.
Here's what helps my energy level: go to bed an hour earlier. Whatever time you go to bed now, move it up an hour.
You learn about yourself because you have to transmit what's on your mind — an intangible — into tangible. It's the reason planning works: you get to see exactly what you're up against, which dispels fear of uncertainty. Journaling would have the same effect. It also lets you talk to yourself about something you can only keep private.Pubski is dope because it encourages you to put your thoughts into words, which helps your thoughts be better!
Yeah that's something I ought to keep in mind. Extracurricular dialog in any form apart from small talk and gossip (who got caught drinking in the barracks this week?) is stifled at my school. The consequences don't really present themselves in an obvious way.
You're in, uh... pardon my ignorance... military school? I would think the military would encourage camaraderie.
Yeah, teamwork matters when you have a mission to accomplish. When it's time to "Army" everyone is there for each other. But when it's time to "University," not so much. Our class rank determines a big part of our career, including the branch of the Army we are assigned, and our first post upon graduating, from Italy and hawaii all the way down to Alaska. Before graduation, our "order of merit" dictates who gets to seize opportunities like internships, study abroad programs, military specialty schools like Ranger, Sapper, and Airborne, and the positions of leadership within the Academy that go all the way to First Captain at the top of a 4,300-strong Corps. So, given the pressure, there is not a lot of incentive to sit down in the library and discuss existentialism over coffee. It makes the friends you choose that much more important. The other most contributing factor on the lack of dialog is the professionalism side of things, where discussing religious, political, and sexual matters in uniform or with other cadets may not fare well for unit cohesion in the short-term.
I hear you. Performance is important, and so is team spirit. Still. Soul is important. Maybe the higher-ups want a husk with skills in firearms, but I imagine that you want to be alive, not just living.
Hah, you're telling me. I spend a lot of my time on the internet browsing art, music and fashion because it's the opposite of my actual life :D Although my appreciation for precision and turning chaos into black-and-white formula has grown a lot.I imagine that you want to be alive, not just living.
I'm guessing "opposite" here does not mean "being opposed to".