This article that someone I know just posted on FB annoys me for some reason. I can't quite put my finger on why, but maybe it's because I feel the author purposefully misunderstands what people mean by "no drama"? Or maybe is because I can't quite understand what's the point the author is trying to make?
I'll just leave this here, maybe someone has better thoughts than me.
'Drama' is too grand a word to convey the meaning of what is being signalled, which I would describe as somewhere between 'annoying personality' and 'relationship bullshit'. My gripe with the article is that I think she is reading too much into it. We're talking dating profiles here, which are at best an array of vectors that point to a personality. The musings that follow, then, are truisms that don't really add much.But when heterosexual men say they’re looking for something “drama-free,” I suspect they want something that doesn’t exist: a problem-free partnership with someone who has no life experience.
Because the author asked Bumble's on-staff Sociologist, the editor of Feministing, and "a New York City psychiatrist and Buddhist author" what they thought men on dating sites meant when they said "no drama." She speculated at great length about what men meant when they said "no drama." But she did not actually ask any male on a dating site who used the phrase "no drama" what they meant by "no drama." Some of us have spent (does quick napkin math) twenty thousand hours observing the relationships of young men and women and have heard "drama" discussed, described and dissected since Bush was president and I can say with confidence that when people talk about "drama" in relation to friends or lovers, they universally mean "overreaction." "Drama" happens when a counterpart responds more - wait for it - dramatically to any setback or conflict than the instigator expected. The instigator may be completely mistaken in their expectations ("Why are you so mad? It was just the tip and she doesn't even mean anything to me!") but the "drama" is not "no hardship" it's "react in the way I expect you to react." Worthy of note: some people (women outnumber men in my experience but men are well represented) cultivate "drama." By performing an outsized response to hardship they increase their relationship leverage and prestige. This "drama" is a staple of Reality TV and therefore a substantial exemplar for far too much of the population; after all, if Snooki does it, it must be good. Those who eschew "drama" tend to be happiest with others who feel likewise, while fans of "drama" are best together. Sometimes the NYT shits the bed. oyster From the article:This article that someone I know just posted on FB annoys me for some reason.
Anyways, I've noticed a lot of self conscious women tend to write articles/post statuses about something they are going through and then try to preach about it to all women. It normally starts with an experience they just had followed by their magnificent realization and deep thoughts with something like this to close it off:
There are days when you accidentally sideswipe your neighbor’s car or you have to check someone you love into rehab. Other days are steeped in joy. The kind of partner I’d like shows up for it all.
It’s funny, my initial impression of her issue with somebody looking for a “drama free” relationship was the same as in this woman likely is reading too much into what somebody is asking for in that situation. Having said that as soon as she mentioned his dating profile described him as “100% drama free” I immediately grow skeptical. What I’m going to read into that is that you’ve had a lot of dramatic ex’s, so much so that you feel the need to put it up front row when seeking a new person and then you follow it up with “I was never the problem though” or “ I don’t secretly live for this shit and unconsciously invite it into my life” I don’t think I would ever think to add no drama or drama free into a dating profile, it would turn me off because that screams that you have a TON of baggage. I grew out of the phase in my life where being told I’m not like other girls or that it’s so much easier to be around me was in any way flattering. Most of the time it just meant you were a doormat with no clear boundaries. So ya, I would be skeptical of both men and women saying they’re soooo over the drama, it all just seems a bit dramatic to me.