Does our culture encourage silence? What is at stake by speaking? What is at stake by remaining silent?
In my experience, the best way to prepare for public speaking is just to understand the topic that you're talking about, inside-and-out. Knowing something extremely well builds confidence and makes it easy to talk about. Being passionate about the topic also helps a lot.
This is timely Lil, I was considering having the fear of public speaking as my next topic for my #tngpodcast. Perhaps I can call on your expertise? When I was 15 I had a public speaking class in High School. I remember my teacher taking me aside and telling me that I was good at it. I was a little shit in HS so not a lot of teachers took me aside to give me praise. Although I would just show up to the class and improvise a speech with only a few bullet points, she told me that not a lot of people can do that. She could have been wrong but it stuck with me and I've managed to make a career out of presenting to people on a weekly basis. I don't often have any fear when speaking unless I am emotionally connected to the content. For example, when I perform my own music I get pretty nervous. So I guess that when their is something at "stake" emotionally it matters.
Actually, I do have one bit of expertise on this topic that I'll share with you. People are paralyzed by their fears because they are thinking that the audience is judging them and they are worried about how they will look and sound. These thoughts build a wall of fear and they are unable to connect with the audience. I tell my students to think of their speech as a gift they are giving to the audience. Give to them: entertain them, inform them, engage them - give them the gift of your ideas. The speeches that Almost_A_Robot is talking about are boring because the speaker has failed to connect with the audience. He or she has put up a wall of slides or information or noise and the audience feels invisible. -- lots to say on this topic. I look forward to seeing your podcast.
I was trying to give the the perspective of a nervous speaker, I'm not sure if I made that clear. But thinking of a speech as a gift is a really amazing change of perspective.
You're lucky you had that teacher. From time to time, I have a student who gets up to speak and cannot say a word. It turns out that they blew a speech in a primary school grade or high school and decided never to speak again. I encourage them not to let their eight-year old self make decisions for their 22-year-old self -- or not to let the teacher they hated in grade 5 continue to control them in college. That seems to be a transformative idea.
It is amazing how much of an influence teachers can have on a persons life. All it takes are a few great ones to help positively steer a child in the right direction. I was lucky to have some that saw passed my smart-alecky ways. I bet you're a great one. I had a "fundamentals of speech" class as a freshman in college and we had to give a speech on someone that was influential in our lives. I gave mine on my high school American Lit teacher Mr. Messmore. I had worked hard in his class and I really enjoyed it. -two things that were rare for me. Mr. Messmore saw that and therefore allowed me to have the last month of his class essentially "off". He let me read what I wanted and just had casual conversations with me about it. He treated me like an adult. I confided in him that I wasn't sure I would pass enough classes to graduate and he encouraged me and helped me with other classes. When I received my HS diploma, Mr. Messmore was on the stage and looked over at me and gave me a thumbs up and a big grin, he knew how hard I worked to be on that stage. When I was finished giving the speech about Mr. Messmore's impact on my life there was a women in the front row crying and she said regarding Mr. Messore, through her tears "who is this man, I have to meet him". I realized then what a well delivered presentation can do. I was able to make a women cry from a speech about a teacher that was influential to me. -That's powerful stuff. Those that can communicate the most effectively end up being the leaders of our societies. It's true. What you are teaching your students is incredibly important.I encourage them not to let their eight-year old self make decisions for their 22-year-old self
-Easier said than done sometimes.
Never thought of it as a tough name to have. It's pronounced Mezzmore which is probably why. But even if his name was Mr. Poopypants he would likely have escaped the wrath of the teenagers he taught. He is a gifted educator and has a rare ability to connect with the individual while instructing the group. He, like any good leader, recognized that each person has different things that motivate them and he would teach to that. Actually, who am I kidding, nobody could escape ridicule with the name Mr. Poopypants. Interesting question: What's the strangest name you've encountered? Mine is our HS principal Richard Bologna. That's right, his name was Dick Baloney.
Strangest name or rudest name. My daughter's elementary school principal was John Leek.
From time to time I have an unfortunate student whose last name is pronounced Jerk Off, but it's spelled with djerkov. give askhubski a rattle on that question. I still have to watch your collections podcast.
Old Wooden Ass, I love it. Kids are fucking creative. I went to Catholic school my freshman/sophomore years of HS. Father Rahee was a visiting priest from Lebanon that taught us theology for a year. He always referred to Jesus as "the Master". I convinced the class that after every time he said "The Master" we would in unison say "BADER" as loud as we could. He was furious and we did it all year. He reverted to calling Jesus "the lord" or "our father" but out of habit he would revert back to "the Master" and we never missed the opportunity. Thanks for the memory.
As a youngster I was terrified of public speaking, and could barely get words out. Now I have to give talks as part of my job from time to time (gave two last week, in fact), and I love it. I can't say exactly what changed besides my age, but I don't get nervous now at all. Its at least partly from practice, and partly from the realization that no one cares (or likely will even notice) if you make a mistake. I think what makes many people uncomfortable is that we live in a culture where modesty is valued, and it just doesn't fit most people's personality to command everyone's attention.
Some, notably from the field of evolutionary psychology, argue that fear of public speaking is an evolutionary adaptation. We've spent the bulk of our time (approximately 99%, but depending on your definitions) as hunter-gatherers living in small groups. Speaking something that was disapproved of may get you excluded from the group. A solitary human in ancestral times stood little chances of survival, let alone procreation. Thus one may argue, fear of public speaking is not only common, it is also natural. It is something we all have to overcome. I find comfort in this.
I think you're right. We live in a culture that, at the very least, is ambivalent about modesty. People are discouraged from tooting their own horn, or being too full of themselves; but pop culture is all about tooting, and we are expected to sell ourselves and pitch our ideas to employers.
I must say I do not think we live in a society that values modesty. sure being modest is encouraged and is viewed as a positive character trait, but I think we are experiencing a shift. I'll use Twitter as an example, Twitter as it is, is a site fueled by smugness and a sense of superiority. To be active on twitter you need to honestly believe that the possibly hundreds of people that follow you care about your inane thoughts and quips about the day. I realize e I am probably looking too much into this and by extension thinking that you care about what I have to say, And thats kind of funny in a way.
Still even though it is the internet you are still interacting with people that you know and see in real life. Of course you will not be as boastful as you would online but it is a good microcosm( can't really think of a better word) of social interaction.
well I know this, when giving a boring presentation everyone in the room has contempt for you, because during the speech/presentation you are a obstacle preventing them from getting on with and enjoying their lives. Then again there's always the chance of an angry mob or getting trampled.
Good point - a sleep-inducing presentation is a waste of time. Being boring is probably worse than looking stupid. Giving presentations is an act of bravery because when we stand up in front of others, we are revealing ourselves and all kinds of fears come into play. I don't think, however, that everyone in the room has contempt for you. Some of the audience will be grateful that it is not them up there speaking. Some of the audience will be generously trying to understand you, trying to figure out your message. The people that don't want to be there shouldn't be.
Yeah I know I was exaggerating but if you are in front of a crowd and nervous you are usually not thinking rationally about the other person's feelings. I know I do not speak for everyone but I am a bit of an over-thinker and often jump to the worst case scenario.