So I gave this far more thought than it deserves and it is absolutely a topographical coffee map of a coffee amoeba that aligns your chakras.

Clearly our two independent variables are boldness ("strong - mild") and acidity ("roasty - fruity"). These are going to end up being a Laplace transform of temperature and time, the only variables this thing can really control. And, by controlling what beans you put in it to only those that have been characterized and accompanied by an RFID tag announcing their variables, the gadget can give you the "flavor profile" of the bean (the brown area), the four points it is capable of adjusting (long-hot, long-cold, short-hot, short-cold), the preset you have selected and the white amoeba, the stochastic variability of a process that's a lot less repeatable than they would have you believe.

Any fucking coffee machine you buy can control time and temperature. I don't know how they do for presets but mine will do the shit out of them. What this thing does is it gives you a veneer of science over what ultimately comes down to cooking. Which is the whole schtick, really - "why does it make you tamp?" for the same reason Duncan Hines makes you add an egg to cake mix. Without the egg you're reconstituting powdered cake. With the egg you're a baker.

Some people will drink Nescafe. Some people will make pourovers. Some people will buy a coffee maker. Some people will find a favorite cafe. And a very, very select few will browse the coffee store, marvel at all the expensive espresso machines, think "there but for the confidence to pour my own coffee go I" and then glory in the revelation that is nunc, a device that will allow them to play-act the glamorous life of the barista without requiring the ten minutes of instruction necessary to familiarize them with the black art of water and beans.