"if they’re nice enough to women and tick a set of chivalry boxes, that woman is not just bound to shag them but – to a certain extent at least – obliged to" I'd be more worried about the guys who actually pull this off, than the guys who fail. Or actually the sorry part is the girls who are suckers for this. My female friends seem to be suckers quite often. One of them just got back to her dickish ex because "he's changed". One started dating a guy because "he is just so nice". Few months into that relationship she was sexually very dissatisfied, troubled by his jealousy and trying to cope with some violence by him. And those are just few examples. I asked the latter why she is doing this and she replied "He is nice guy and I don't know when I'm going to have next chance". Next chances would be plenty if these girls would advance guys for a change. Being asked out by a girl changed my perception somewhat. I've always been able to accept honest no, but it gives certain perspective to be asked out by someone who you're not interested in any way. This is actually is my all around solution to most problems regarding sexes. These problems are often driven by stereotypes that guys advance girls and girls try to look pretty in order to be advanced. Lose-lose situation.
I don't mean to be rude, but is English a second language for you? If so it's much better than my French/Arabic/German/Spanish (I can order food in all those, but that's about it) but I still am having a little trouble understanding what you mean by "advanced." Do you mean like "make a romantic advance," or like "promote?" In any case, on the subject of girls asking guys out, I always advise that when talking to girls who are having trouble meeting someone. You get a much better-quality dating pool of guys when you ask them than waiting for them to approach you.
You're not rude at all. I meant a romantic advance. It's kind of unfair to give me any easy points because I'm not native speaker. I've seen native speakers churn out worse English than what I usually do. And Hubski has this handy correction thing too. And I advice it too all the time. Let's keep up the good work!
You get a much better-quality dating pool of guys when you ask them than waiting for them to approach you.
-That sounds like really great advice for a number of reasons. I know that I would have been really flattered if that had ever happened. -It sort of did happen with my wife.
Women sometimes do this thing where they meet an acquaintance, think he's cute, and find opportunities to hang out with him, watch him, and evaluate him as a potential mate. Then presto, by the time they're done evaluating him, he's become integrated into their social group too closely for the girl to be comfortable asking him out because it'd now be awkward if he rejected her and all her friends found out. It's kind of the female equivalent of the stereotype-based-in-fact where men see a beautiful girl and immediately talk themselves into thinking she's out of their league and it'd be the end of the world to get humiliated by a rejection from her, so they might as well not even say two words to her and just keep standing over here awkwardly in this corner. The annoying thing about the female version is, 99% of the time, the acquaintance-level guy would have accepted a date or at least been totally cordial and flattered if he did have to turn the girl's offer down, and if he then became a friend, it wouldn't be awkward at all--it'd have been just part of the story of how he became a member of the social group.
I agree with everything you wrote there. I've experienced these things. Good perceptions. My wife would never admit to "asking me out", and she's right she didn't literally ask me out. I had a friend from high school named Shannon that was friends with my wife. Shannon had a revelation that I would be the perfect match for her friend "J". I was working at a restaurant at the time and they stopped in unbeknownst to me and "scoped me out". Later that week Shannon called me and asked if I would go on a blind date with her friend? -I politely declined. Then one day Shannon walked in to the restaurant with a gorgeous girl at her side. When the girl at her side was looking away I whispered to Shannon "is that the girl"? She whispered back "yes". My face lit up and I whispered "I'm in" and gave a thumbs up. They sat at the bar. We had "strolling minstrels", a violinist and a guitarist and they agreed to come up behind the girls at the bar and after I shook "J"'s hand start playing "It's now or never". -It was full on cheese, but funny and somewhat endearing. I asked her out. Best first date ever and we've never looked back. But really... she asked me out first. Just indirectly.