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comment by AlderaanDuran
AlderaanDuran  ·  4226 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ask Hubski: Are Self-Help Books Helpful?

    because honestly, from the outside it looks like he's losing his mind.

Hah. Been there done that. People said the same thing about me around the time I started reading Watts, but it wasn't just Watts. I was lost and looking for some answers, somewhere in my early to mid twenties. I called it a "quarter life crisis". Turns out Watts didn't have any answers, but he told me there probably never will be any, and that I should just enjoy what's what, and that the answers aren't really important anyway... but in a much more eloquent and lengthy way.

I started shaving my head around that time, meditating, and I even have a tiny shrine with a Buddha and a water dish and all that jazz. I had some friends who probably though I was losing it, but honestly I was "finding it". I'm not religious at all and consider myself agnostic, but Buddhism gives me something to kind of focus on, and help hone my thoughts and keep myself on the path that I want to be on.





humanodon  ·  4226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hmm. I think I can understand that. My friend is 39 though, so maybe a "quarter life crisis." He seems really attached to the idea of no attachments, even though he just bought a house and is doing renovations himself. I don't know what it is about engineers, but the ones I know seem to think they can fix anything. If I've learned anything from him, it's not true. Anyway, his idea of no attachments results in him pissing a bunch of people off when he tells them not to care about what are to them, very real problems. This in turn, makes him feel alienated, or so he's said to me.

In the interest of helping my buddy out, any ideas on any self-help type books that might help him appreciate the human tendency toward giving a shit about things?

AlderaanDuran  ·  4226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Anyway, his idea of no attachments results in him pissing a bunch of people off when he tells them not to care about what are to them, very real problems.

    In the interest of helping my buddy out, any ideas on any self-help type books that might help him appreciate the human tendency toward giving a shit about things?

Sounds like he might have taken Buddhism and Watts horribly wrong, lol. It has little to do with not caring. The only things you are not supposed to care about and really avoid are things that lead to pain and suffering, and those are entirely personal things that people need to assess for themselves. Watts is far from telling people off, or "not giving a fuck". It's more like "Give a fuck, but don't give a fuck about the future, give a fuck about the now, and the future will unfold good as a result". If anything it promotes kindness to all; friends, family, those in your community, and even strangers. If he's pissing people off, and read Watts, I'd say he misinterpreted it entirely and missed the points of his teachings, and those of Zen Buddhism.

No attachments also isn't very Buddhist, sure, again, attachments that lead to pain and suffering need to be eliminated, but good attachments should be nurtured. Hobbies, your routines, your home, your family, your friends, etc. Things in your immediate present than are meaningful and bring rewards to your own life.

I have no recommendations, because I think he would probably just interpret anything else helpful to suit his already odd attitude towards life and others. Nobody likes the "I don't give a fuck about anything" guy. More than likely he's that guy just pretending he doesn't care because he thinks not giving a fuck is cool... but it's not.

humanodon  ·  4226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That's fair. He's a weird dude and not so great at expressing himself. It may be that that's part of it and I've only seen him fumbling.

Thanks anyway!