So here's questions for both people who are very social and people who aren't quite as social:
What do YOU think about when you look at people (as in walking past people or being in a crowd of people)? What do YOU think about when someone looks at you?
When I walk by people and I read their shirt, or I look at their hair, or admire certain assets, that's all I think about. And 99% of the time it is in a complimentary way ("Her hair looks so good!", "I wonder where he got that shirt", "DAYUM").
But when I see a person look at me, I immediately question half my decisions for earlier that day. My first reaction is NEVER complimentary for myself ("Do my colors not match?", "Did I spill something on myself?", "Do I just look bad today?"). As soon as that person walks by me I look down and check myself out to calm some fears, but not all of them.
Am I weird or normal?
I'll say it. If it's a lady, the first thing I will think about is whether or not I would sleep with her. If I decide that I do find her attractive, then I begin the narrative in my head where the attractive lady-on-the-train and I begin our life together. I imagine myself walking over there, saying something to her, getting her number, going on a cute romantic-indie-film date in the city, falling in love, making love, having children, sitting on the couch watching Woody Allen movies, hosting a Batman-themed birthday party for our son, arguing in the car on the way to the country-side to visit my parents, etc. It gets really weird and deep, and it all happens in the span of about 3 minutes. I can't even help it. If they're not an attractive lady for me to get obsessed over, I'll usually just try and build up their back-story based on observation. I'll imagine where they're from, where they are going, why they are going, if they're married or single, if they use a Mac or PC, what their favourite kind of music is, etc. I like watching people to pass the time on the train. If I find that someone is looking at me, I'll fix my hair, fix my posture, make sure my double-chin or slight man-boobs aren't too obvious, etc. I don't know if what I'm doing is normal, but I don't think it's uncommon.
I think this is pretty normal. Personally, when I'm looking at someone most of the time my mind is totally blank. If I am thinking, for the most part I'd like to think it's positive, but there are times it's not. Usually pretty bland and neutral, though. When people look at me it's pretty much the opposite: most of the time I'll question myself, but very occasionally I'll assume that it's a compliment or something positive. I'm actually working on a series of performances about this at the moment - revolving around vulnerability, public and private personas, looking at and being looked it. It's a really interesting thing to be looking at.
That sounds like me. People look at me = I obviously did something wrong, or I look wrong, something is obviously wrong. Though, my thoughts probably come from what I think when I look at people. I "assess" people, and mentally compare and contrast myself. Are they walking fast? slow? how are they dressed? bland? stand-outish? Are they with anyone? If so, what are they like? They don't have headphones. Am I weird for walking through a crowd with headphones on? Hah, that guy's shirt is so lame. Wait... what shirt am I wearing? looks down. Oh, good. It's not my obvious fan-boy shirt. I'm sooo glad I wasn't wearing that. Something like that. Though, I get really self conscious and on fight/flight mode when outside or when in public. If I get really alert, then sometimes I'll start walking faster and everything kind of becomes a blur. Needless to say I'm really paranoid.
It would depend fully on who was the person looking at me, how they were looking at me, for how long they were looking at me, where I was when they looked at me… There's no single answer for this. I sort of pride myself on being able to read people and what motivates them rather quickly. I'd like to think that for the most part I can assess someone's motives for making a connection with me.
How did you pick up this ability to read people? I knew this guy in the city I used to live in, and he was phenomenal at it. Just by the way they were walking he could tell something about them. I mean, it wasn't tested to a fault, but there was a few instances where what he said proved itself to be more than just bullshit off the top of his head - and these were complete strangers.