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comment by mk
mk  ·  3821 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Lil's Book of Questions: What's the Difference Between Secrecy and Privacy?

I believe that some relationships are more fertile ground for trust than others. At least that has been my experience. To a large extent that had to do with where I was at when I was entering the relationship. IMHO if you are not in a good place without a relationship, then you won't be in a better place within one.





nowaypablo  ·  3821 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    IMHO if you are not in a good place without a relationship, then you won't be in a better place within one.

I'm interested in what you're saying but I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you explain? I figure, if I'm alone and lonely, not being alone would solve the problem granted my relationship is healthy.

mk  ·  3821 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I suppose if loneliness was the extent of your problems, then a relationship might be the fix. But, speaking for myself (with the advantage of hindsight), the healthiest relationship that I ever had (the one I have now) came at a time in my life when I was without a doubt content not to be in one. The short version is that at one low point, I resolved to work upon myself and to become the type of person that I might admire. It wasn't a straight path, and there were detours and setbacks, however after a few years, I had moved to a place that I think might have surprised my younger self. Once there, I found that what interested me about a relationship changed, and that it had less to do with fulfillment. My real interest was sharing life and what I was doing and I wasn't worried that the opportunity wouldn't arise.

The The has a great pertinent lyric in their song Giant:

    How could anyone know me When I don't even know myself?

I think you can swap 'know' for any number of words.

nowaypablo  ·  3816 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think you said it best

    But, speaking for myself (with the advantage of hindsight), the healthiest relationship that I ever had (the one I have now) came at a time in my life when I was without a doubt content not to be in one

This makes a lot of sense, thanks for the perspective. Also that song is so crazy, once I braced myself for like 10 seconds I was hooked for the whole ride.