Good point on preferring to misinterpret signs. It's frustrating when you don't see something at the time, or when you see things in a friends relationship that they choose not to address. Also, happy early birthday to your mom!
thx bfx. I've ignored and misinterpreted signs. I have also noted some major bad behaviours, but failed to react appropriately. For example, if your romantic-partner-to-be throws a cast iron frying pan across the room in anger and refuses to talk about anger issues or recognize that they might be a problem, the appropriate reaction would be to leave. If bad behaviours and appropriate responses were a multiple choice test, I probably would not have got a passing grade till I was 38.
Some of my had-to-live-it-to-learn-it advice - if you have to ask a guy you're in a hereto relationship with if he has ever (full-on) hit a girl because you just aren't sure how he's going to answer the question ... don't waste the time asking, just get the hell out of there. His answer might be no, but you shouldn't date someone you have to ask to be sure. (Side note: yes, there are a few extreme situations where a guy hitting a girl might be 'necessary' - girls can become violent and self-defense and so on : but the point in general stands.) Also, don't date someone hoping he or she is the exception to a "rule," for instance the rule outlined above. Also-also, you can always do better than someone who has committed a crime, especially a violent or threatening one, and gone to jail. (See above comment about "always exceptions" and "don't plan for exceptions.") This rule becomes somewhat less applicable as time between present and crime/jail increases, but this lessening also depends on "what crimes."
I've never hit a girl, I've never even come close to hitting a girl. There are only a few guys that I've hit, my brother being one of them and I still feel deep regret for that. As a father of a daughter, if you even have an inclination that hitting may be an option, get the hell out of there. Now.