Sweet jesus it's tomorrow and every draft I print out looks like face-palm cringing crap.
I've got drafts on drafts on drafts for this minute-long speech and for the first time in my life I can't finish it.
My goals for this speech are as such: to look strong, determined, straightforward, and at least a little bit funny.
I'll be speaking 3 separate times, one per each of the underclass grades of my high school. It'll be in an auditorium setting at best, and a portable podium facing gymnasium bleachers at worst, both settings are mic'd.
Possibly helpful context:
>I was class president at least once before
>This is not a class office bid but an S.O. (Student Organization) president bid, which is in charge of larger school-wide matters like appropriating funding to school clubs, instead of individual grade stuff like prom.
>My H.S. is tippity-top but due to some random ranking standards changing and other totally-irrelevant-to-the-S.O. stuff its ranking fell drastically this year. I still aim to make it look like the S.O. could do something about it, if that's even worth focusing on.
>I haven't written in all the breaks for breath and spoken punctuations but I'm aware of them so dw about run-ons.
I'd appreciate any suggestions, especially if they completely dismiss the bs I've thrown down so far and can inspire me to create something more solid/tangible/less-bullshitty and also effective!!!!!
I'll also link this super dope article that is probably the most effective list of speech-writing tips I've read through so far, for the unrelated-ly curious.
http://www.podesta.com/pulse/ten-speechwriting-tips
https://docs.google.com/document/d/16d1pj0iov3Kth0YTy3qSAZYrCoCrnfs-K-YTBYDM170/edit?usp=sharing
My name is in there and so is my town, but please don't find me and murder my loved ones:)
EDIT: The Google doc is a forsaken abyss. At this point I'd much rather appreciate help on what I think is my biggest problem: crafting an introduction.
EDIT2: NEW AND BETTER ONE IN PROGRESS RIGHT NOW
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fUMDBmx21qLxjS6cVwFt0CAm2_mnOThnB7zGhYqzIks/edit
Good morning, everyone. You all know me. You should elect me for president. Your choice today matters more than you think. Whoever you elect will influence and manage how much we spend to get (sport) to (event.) How we (allocate money) to (sport) and (club). How we (something something money). You'll still take the SAT, you'll still graduate, you'll still go to college - but whoever you elect will determine how much fun you have doing it. It's a glamorous title for an ignoble task - the S.O. president is an accountant, a middle manager, a bean counter. It looks great on a college application, so the competition is fierce- but the proper candidate isn't an iconic seeker of limelight. The right S.O. president is someone with a knack for detail work and a love of compromise. You don't need a leader, you need an organizer. You need someone whose goal is coalition, not charisma. You need someone who knows that to lead is to get out of the way. I've done this. I was class president last year. I was in the cabinet. I know the students, the teachers, the administrators that kept Tenafly third in the state. Right now? We're eighteenth. Are you happy with that? I'm not. I think we can do better. I think I can do better. Choose me, and we'll all do better. My name is Pabst. I'm your best choice for S.O. president. Thank you.
On almost all aspects of this speech: holy fuck kb. I'd only change some words like 'ignoble' or even 'knack' to sound cleaner and better when spoken. I really appreciate this, I shoud all but take the words off your text directly. where are your badges people look at this masterpiece ._.
I know I know I am I am! As perfect as it is there are some things that aren't actually going to hold up when applied to my audience: at this point it's too cliché for me to say that 'I'm not just here to seek limelight,' that's what everyone says now cause I used to say it all the time. Semantics, but I'm fleshing out the details as we speak :)
That would be great if they gave a shit about things that might affect their school experience, but I'm not sure they do. Did you see the film The Trotsky. That's a brilliant film about how much high school kids don't give a shit. I think they generally vote for someone funny and amusing or sexy and popular. My guess is all he really has to do is be funny and they'd vote for him. nowaypablo
Is it actually tippity-top because in some new rankings that everyone on facebook shared my school came in fourth in the country do you best me do you Also I wish I could help, I helped my best friend write his valedictorian speech in high school and he got a standing ovation because it was so[rt of] funny, but I spent six hours on the road today and yesterday and my brain is melting
167th in the country, here. injects more heroin
tippity-top in my state; I concede to you, based student Thanks anyway, your doughy flag will wave in my mind as I woo the masses!
Your document reads like some Groundhog Day-esque horror. It just keeps repeating itself, like you're hoping for it to get better... In any case, I would genuinely like to help, but halfway through I realize nothing I could say would help, because my best advice would be "fuck all of that shit and just drop out," but that's because we're inherently different people and I felt like vomiting just reading that shit. Politics. That being said, if you want grammar shit I guess I'm your guy. I'll also ping kleinbl00 'cause you're too shy to - I know you know that dude has more charisma in his left pinky than most of us do in our entire bodies.
There is literally no hope of editing my draft, most of it is scrambled at this point. sorry :D
A ton of thoughts and mixed feelings but positive overall, this week is brutal but when I get a chance I'll visit the Pubski and talk about it :)