I haven't listened to the episode yet, but I know that the first conversation about death that I have with my 3yo daughter is coming soon. She often asks me to tell her stories about "when I was a little", and I usually mention my father in them. I have sensed that she has come close to asking the question, but perhaps couldn't find the words. Once, after relating about a fishing outing I took with my father and grandfather, she said that she was going to go fishing with my father and hug him. I almost broke down on the spot. I distinctly remember lying awake at night at a very young age being terrified of death. I would like to avoid her experiencing that if possible.
As you know, our daughter (4yo) has been asking about her grandmother that died when my wife was 12. Having to answer these tough questions definitely gives insight in to peoples desire for religion and the story of heaven. It's an easy answer. It's much more difficult to say, "I'm not sure where we go or what happens, but I know I'm here with you now and I'm so glad."I distinctly remember lying awake at night at a very young age being terrified of death. I would like to avoid her experiencing that if possible.
there are so many things I would like my children to avoid, but it's damn near impossible to shield them from things like death. How and when they find out about it are often out of your hands as well. Therefore, if you're able to be the first to broach the topic, that's great.
My father in law died when my daughter was about two years old. he adored her and she him. Facing death head on with her was the only option. We basically told her that Pop Pop had died, he was gone and he wouldn't be back. We have often told her how much he loved her, that we are all sad that he is gone and that we all value the fact that they had time to be together. When she has asked where he has gone we have told her that we believe that he hasn't gone anywhere, he is no more. We also tell her that Pop Pop believed he was going somewhere else called heaven. This doesn't throw her for as bad a loop as you might think, I try let her know that different people believe different things and that all the things we believe might not always be true. She makes up stories about family member she has never met or that are dead. I think it's a good thing generally. The thing that chokes me up... The other day she told my wife that she can't remember Pop Pop very well anymore. She doesn't tell the same stories that she used to tell about the time they spent together. Someday, probably not long from now, due to the vagaries of children's memories, Pop Pop will just be the guy in the pictures. IT makes me sad, he was a kind, gentle and loving man.
Thanks for that. I have a cousin whose mother died when she was four. She doesn't remember her. I am several years older, and I remember the two of them together, but she doesn't. It's frightening to think that my own daughter likely won't yet be able to remember me and what we do together.