I can tell you what other people have told me, but I've never done any of it. Currently trying to force myself to take my first trip alone abroad( I think this is the wrong word especially when my goal is Canada). I'm terrified of the possibilities, of the things I can't control. I've begun to realize there is a lot of shit I can't control. The thing I've been trying to wrap my head around is that the story won't end when I get to the outcome of my current choice. I absorb a lot of advice and I'm still try to push myself even if its just a step.
I also used to feel like that - most trips I needed to know where we would go for the next three days, when and why because I felt that I needed to prepare for everything. But as I travelled more, I realized that when you know how it will all play out, it takes the excitement away. And there will always be things that you can't control. Travel is improvization. If everything is under control it's just a guided tour. Yes, it's scarier but it's so much more fulfilling to seize those opportunities. As long as you have a map, your phone and someone to call you'll be totally fine. Above all, try something. - Franklin D. RooseveltI'm terrified of the possibilities, of the things I can't control.
This is one of those things I know in the end as much as I am scared beyond my wits I just have to do it. This is usually what happens when I think about trips: I question what I should do and start researching it. I immediately shut the browser remembering that a planned trip is not a trip at all. In the end I never plan anything and ultimately don't end up going. What I figured I'd do is plan minor things like hotel and transportation then leave the rest to the wind. Some healthy balance between my need to be in control and need to experience life.
The problem with that is that you miss out on cool places and sights to visit. I grind through travel sites and try to find blogs written by locals to build a list of things to do. For example, I did a stopover for a few days in New York on my way from the Netherlands to Canada. I would've never found great views of the city, ultra-hip places, the best pizza or the architectural gems if I didn't do some research beforehand. But I had no plan on what to do when. For me travel is about being flexible and just having an awesome day. It's a balance that works for me. I immediately shut the browser remembering that a planned trip is not a trip at all.
Your post is actually one of the ones that most resonates with how I feel/what I think my anxiety is like. Foreign or frankly, even just new travel is always very stressful for me. Every once in a while someone suggests to me I pursue a job like teaching English in Japan but the fact is, I think I would have a really really hard time if I just picked up and moved to such a wholly different culture/country/place as that. And it's times of uncertainty and adjustment that often help seriously re-trigger unhealthy controlling coping mechanisms which I have had in many forms in multiple real ways over the years. I love being home. I love knowing what roads to take, knowing six different ways to get to the same place. All that jazz. Travel, on the other hand, is a lot of roiling stomach, getting affronted because I can't control the plane or train, feeling lost, and looking forward to when I can get back to my own space and be surrounded by my own things. Tagging ButterflyEffect because it ties into another comment I made a long time ago.
In theory it always sounds amazing. The idea of experiencing a world that I don't know anything about except from books. It's almost fairytale in design really when I think about it (Which I feel should concern me? Expectations like that are often met with harsh realities). I always question if maybe I'm terrified of possibly succeeding you know? It doesn't make sense I know, but part of me thinks about it.