As somebody who doesn't experience (or perhaps, hasn't yet experienced) genuine sexual attraction, somebody who hasn't had sex, and somebody who has succumbed to the ease at which pornography can be accessed through the internet (at least more than I'd like to, or than I'd like to admit), I wonder whether the impulsive decisions of my youth have affected my sexuality now. I think they have.
I do... Then again, I'm a bit of a special case. I try to stay away from porn videos because every time I watch a video, I always end up thinking: Who are their parents? Would they have wanted them to do that? What caused them to do this? Do they really enjoy doing what they do? Do they enjoy being known by millions of people for this, while millions of other people hate them and their profession as something artless and disgusting (And a lot of it is artless)? In short, I cannot live with myself knowing I might have watched someone being exploited and demeaned (unless of course that person enjoys that). It's funny; People often like to mock hentai and doujins, a kind of erotic manga made by small or not so small groups/artists, for being extreme and bizarre, but the good majority of it is quite tame, the normal stuff being tamer than most normal porn. Since it's fictional, the characters are oftentimes more affectionate towards one another than the two (or more) actors in porn videos who are paid to get on stage and fuck. Of course, since it's fictional, you can also get really depraved stuff, and because the nature of the Internet amplifies the extremes, most of the time that's all you ever see if you just skim around. But no one is harmed in the making of these works of erotica, no one is exploited or used, and many of the artists doing these works are quite talented in their own right, some having a complete mastery over anatomy (And others mess with it for the purpose of making appealing characters, which takes talent to pull off well), lighting, scenery, and color (For the few that do full color works): all of the essentials that a good artist was expected to master a couple of centuries ago (I don't know how modern art is, given that all I see of modern art is conceptual pieces). I personally find this kind of porn much more ethical, or rather, I feel a lot better viewing this kind of porn. Anyways, Me, personally, I like to limit myself. I perhaps view porn one day, and perhaps skip the next day or two, and then watch porn the next day, and then skip a few days. I do this as a means to make things more pleasurable and to avoid things like what the author goes through.(but c’mon, who would look at pictures when there are videos?)
Sometimes I think the ease at which finding videos or scenes to fit my mood actually makes it more difficult for me now to successfully construct fantasies myself. This could also be a facet of my orientation (or a few other reasons), but it's something that I've tried to take steps and change - i.e. viewing videos intentionally posted by users, looking at pictures and trying to imagine things in my mind. (I hope it is something that can change). It also relates to the aspect of the videos that you discuss, in the sense that amateur videos theoretically are done intentionally and that they are hopefully actually enjoying it and wanting the attention. Of course, there are plenty of people who might view that opinion negatively, and I don't know if I can blame them - issues of pornography seem to be something that is more of a recent phenomenon, although it's not like the sexual history of mankind has been "vanilla." Nowadays it's not a desire that I have so frequently - it's as much a product of being home alone and have the opportunity. I'm a bit weird in these ways. The physicality and psychology of sexual attraction is interesting to me, probably because I'm trying to figure out how or why I am what I am.
It's something that can be overcome. Porn portrays sex as something that it generally isn't, and makes it very much based on domination or various fantasies. Sex -in a relationship- is much more about the feeling of love, trust, and oneness between the two partners. It is a big adjustment to move over from porn and having sex just to get off, to having it as an experienced to be shared. If you're worried about the impact on your sexuality, I would advise doing what the author of the article did. Try to "unlearn" your sexuality, stop watching porn for an extended period of time. You could even go as far as not masturbating for a period of time as well to truly start anew.
We'll see what happens. Having not met anybody who I've had romantic interest in (there has to be a better way to phrase that), it's difficult to meet those criteria. I love the idea of being interested in somebody, emotionally and physically or what have you, but I haven't actually been interested in anybody. I honestly don't masturbate that often, though what I do to get off still seems relevant. Part of me is resigned to accepting how I am, but I would very much like it to be different. I should probably talk to people besides strangers about it. I do appreciate that sex in the real world is optimally not very similar to how it is portrayed. As a high schooler, I assmed that somehow by the time I was in college, I would want and have one night stands or what have you, the whole idea of casual sex bothered me before high school, and the idea that that's what the real world was/is like kinda freaked me out. And while I understand that there are people who do that, it's a much more appealing idea to want to share something with another person - it's just not something that I've been able to conceptualize easily because I haven't had any experience in a relationship, etc. I'll stop ranting about myself now.
There's nothing wrong with talking to strangers, while they don't know you personally, at least you know there's no preconceptions that might guide their words. That said, as for having it be different, maybe it is something you need to talk about to somebody you know personally. I would encourage you to try to change it if that's what you want, it's better to try something if you feel you might regret not doing so. I have never been a person to want to have a one night stand as well. I don't have any problems with casual sex, but I prefer for there to be some deeper meaning behind it. There are many people that feel the same way you do, probably as many as are for casual sex and one night stands.
Thanks. Fortunately I have a few friends I feel comfortable talking about it with, and it does feel good to put it in words, both to people I know and that I don't. Not being a psychologist or anything of the like, I do wonder how our past choices and behaviors affect our personalities or behaviors now - in a way I'm trying to see if there are things I've done that have, in their own small ways, influenced my lack of interest in sex and romance. In general I don't think it's a problem to live without those two, but I find the idea of sex and romance to be appealing, even if I don't outwardly want it. It's like enjoying an apple, but never being hungry for one - only I've never had an apple, in this case. For people who have had sex, I wonder how their fantasies of and outlook on sex has changed. It's hard (for me) to really fantasize about a shared experience when I don't know what that'd be like. For others it might be easy, even if what we imagine sex is like before having it is totally different than what it's actually like. Hell if I know. These types of questions are harder for me to bring up in person, I suppose because they have a taboo nature about them, where it's easier to talk about on anonymously on the internet.
I've noticed a tendency of people of this generation to blame assorted sexual issues on porn. One problem is that these days there is no control group i.e. there is no-one who has not seen porn. For example, young men having sex for the first time tend to often have a hard time (e.g. trouble achieving orgasm, or staying "functional"). They tend to blame this on porn. However this is a problem that is as old as the hills. Read "Portnoy's Complaint" for the same problem pre-porn. Having sex is a skill that takes time to learn. I grew up in an environment where there was basically no porn. Small country town, no porn in the magazine shop. Nothing. When I finally saw a naked woman, I was very surprised what she looked like. From what I have read, and from talking to various people, it is quite common for human sexuality to be rather wild and woolly until sufficient sexual experiences normalize it. This applies with or without porn. In that sense both "no porn and no sex", and just plain "no sex" (plus "porn" generated by your own imagination) will not lead to this normalization process. The real problem I think is the lack of normal sexual experiences. As porn has become available, rape rates have fallen markedly so that is at least one significant benefit. And I think that porn does at least provide some information, albeit imperfect, about sex. This issue of the lack of normalizing sexual experiences is a difficult problem to resolve, because young men in our society are not really considered desirable. They have no money, no car, no job, and unless they have unusual charisma or are a sports star, early sexual experiences can be hard to come by. While porn does lead to some degree of liberalization of sexual attitudes (eg interest i using alternate orifices) I think that its direct detrimental effects are greatly exaggerated. I would suggest porn does no more to encourage unrealistic attitudes about the opposite sex than do "romantic novels".
In relation to your question, there's a whole school of thought on the matter, I believe. There may also be a Ted talk on the matter as well. Personally, I think that it goes without saying that funnelling your libido into yourself is a problem, as it is the same libido that is meant to make you notice girls and motivate you to socialise accordingly. However, I'm not really an expert on the matter.
I don't blame porn for feeling bad about thoughts, but society and (self)censorship. I like good porn just like I like a good book or movie. There is a lot of trash out there in every genre, but it all comes down to personal taste and that's nothing to feel bad about.