what I like about this submission is that it gets farther away from the prevailing metaphor of the corner store. the first stanza explores it, and afterward the poem goes in a different direction. I think it's a "less is more" kind of thing, where the metaphor from the prompt is a strong one, but spending too much time pointing to it makes it lose some of its effect. one thing I wasn't sure about, if you don't mind me saying, is why the line lengths and constructions change after the second stanza. they lengthen and become full sentences instead of shorter phrases, which alters the rhythm and flow. I found it a little jarring, but I'm obsessive about line lengths so I may not speak for everyone. anyway, I just wanted to throw my two cents in. the poem also ends on a really good note.
hi djw, I just saw your comment now about line lengths. The hubski program did something to my line lengths and original stanza divisions - I still can't get it to handle the spacing the way I'd like and I have no time to fix it. The program seems to have changed other people's line lengths as well. Next writing prompt, I'll have a Poet Alert - and suggest people check their poem a week later and see what it looks like. I appreciate your comments.
mk, check this out. We all had our submissions posted with line breaks and it appeared as such at first. It seems an update must have shifted them to a paragraph format. Odd looking poetry. Any way to ensure this will not happen moving forward?
mk, check this out
the capital letters in the middle of TNG's lines and sirwfc718 is a hint to where the lines originally ended. BLOB_CASTLE's poem has also lost it's original structure. I don't recall what wrenauld's poem looked like originally.
I looked back at the past work submitted to past #todayswritingprompt and all my lines were turned into paragraphs... but not everyone's. I'll start a new one soon and see if it stays stable.
I'm no poet, just enjoy stringing words together and creating some imagery. I suppose I changed the line lengths in order to show a shift in style, it becomes an interaction at that point with actual dialog. Thanks for the feedback, glad someone read it. BTW, I actually started the poem thinking that "Heaven" could have literally been the name of the store. She could be the owner of the closed store waiting for some good news.