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comment by coffeesp00ns
coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's Writing Prompt: Water

we are two ripples in one pond----------------------------------------------------------- one pond two ripples we are

energy commencing from separate points-------------------------------separate energies commencing from points

forcibly, and inevitably moving towards each other-------------each other moving together forcibly and inevitably

------------------------------------------------------------we collide--------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------- then move apart again----------move apart, then again-------------------------------

--------------- encountering other ripples------------------------------- other ripples we encounter-------------------

fading into entropy---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------fade into entropy

*minor edit after discussion with humanadon : "until " became "into"





humanodon  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Interesting composition. I like the mirroring, though I do have a question about the last line. Do you consider "fading" to be a form of entropy?

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well, I was looking for a word to describe the eventual loss of energy of a ripple in a pond, and "entropy" came to mind. upon further examination, Google's "define" function came back with this:

    a thermodynamic quantity representing the unavailability of a system's thermal energy for conversion into mechanical work, often interpreted as the degree of disorder or randomness in the system.

which sort of fits, but not quite. At the same time, if you take into account the metaphor of people you could broadly (and poetically) interpret that definition into one describing the degradation of age.

really, this is all afterthought. It was the word that came into my mind, and I used it because my insecure definition of it described what I wanted it to describe. C'est la vie.

hopefully I'm not in trouble ;)

humanodon  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

No worries, though your response does clarify my understanding of your piece. "fading/fade until entropy" is interesting to me because of the "until" as it suggests something apart from my understanding of entropy.

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think "Into" would be better. agreed?

humanodon  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I do like that better. I think this is worth playing with and I certainly hope you will. It's very striking visually and I think there's a lot of room for play.

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

we are two ripples in one pond---------------------------------------------------------in one pond we are two ripples

energy commencing from separate points-----------------------------------separate energies converging on a point

forcibly, and inevitably moving towards each other-------------each other moving together forcibly and inevitably

------------------------------------------------------------we collide--------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------- then move apart again----------move apart, then again-------------------------------

--------------- encountering other ripples------------------------------- other ripples we encounter-------------------

fading into entropy---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------fade into entropy

a few minor changes

lil  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

thanks coffeespns - I love the idea of the ripples colliding...it's sad when they move apart... water is the metaphor for the constant motion of our human encounters.

I've been playing with a lot of water concepts: water down to a thin soup, cosmic sea, liquid lunch, strange brew, rain, raining cats and dogs, tip of the iceberg, condensation, melting, freezing....all of these swimming about in my mind (and fading to entropy)... cloudy rainy day.... heading out to an event...but will see what bubbles to the surface.

ut nothing has come together yet

humanodon  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Nice. I still think that this can be developed, if you're of a mind to. I don't know if that little break in the dashes is intentional, but it does give the sense that entropy has entered the system of the poem.

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

frankly, the dashes are because I am bad at figuring out formatting and needed a way to make the mirror effect! I'm going to keep working on it.

humanodon  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

They're really working for me and honestly, I think that the reason that they do is that I wouldn't have thought to use them in that way, evocative as they are of a picture of water. Glad to hear you'll work on it some more.

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

creativity inspired by necessity.

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

thanks! poetry is a hobby of mine to take my mind off of classical music.

humanodon  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Aha! Now the organization makes much more sense. Very cool. Have you seen articles like this, which detail the neurological link between music and poetry? It's something that has been obvious for a long time but only recently looked at through the lens of neurology.

If you don't mind me asking, what's your involvement with classical music?

coffeesp00ns  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm a masters student studying classical Double bass. I've never seen an article like that, but I also, am far from surprised.