Haha, pulling a b_b; I love it. More seriously though, there are two things I can say. Firstly, I wasn't being disingenuous all these years that I maintained that family life was not for me. I really did feel that way. Then a couple of really cliche things happened to to. First, this: That is my niece. She is the most adorable creature on the planet. When my brother told me they were having a kid, I asked him why he wanted to ruin his own life voluntarily. I don't feel the same now. I have that picture on the lock screen of my phone, and it makes me smile like a 100 times per day (and no, I don't care how lame that sounds). Making a connection with her definitely changed the way I feel about children. Next, I met (or, more correctly, reconnected with, as we've known each other since high school) the "right" person. I have a connection with my fiancee that I never thought I would share with a woman. I've cycled through a number of girlfriends over the years. Even though I enjoyed my time with all of them to some extent (some more than others), I couldn't wrap my head around what it would be like to want to spend decades with the same person. Now I can. It's that simple, and it's not something I can explain any better than that. I'm house shopping in the 'burbs today. Seriously. And I don't really even mind. I thought I would live in the ghetto forever, but circumstance has somewhat dictated a new path, and, really, I'm more excited about it than anything. Looking back, I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for going back on my word to never have a family. I'm glad I felt that way. Had I been inclined toward marriage, there's a possibility I would have jumped the gun and married one of my ex girlfriends (three of whom probably would have married me, had I asked). That would have led to a life of misery, I'm sure. Only when the feeling was strong enough to make me not care what my own stated principles were did I have the courage to say, "Dammit, I do want to marry this girl; she's perfect." (Nobody is perfect, obviously, but she is perfect, for me, and that's good enough.) So I would advise anyone to be skeptical of marriage. At the very least it leads to forcing oneself to be patient. All that said, I still fucking hate weddings beyond words. I don't envision that changing.
How does your finance feel about weddings? I have never formed an opinion, like I'm "supposed to" about what mine would be like if I had it. I think I've stated elsewhere but I've nailed down what I would want, very loosely: a backyard wedding in good weather with great music, all my friends, and lots of alcohol. Maybe I'd wear white. And that's as picky as I can get on the topic. I don't care about the kind of peacocking that goes with a lot of weddings. I wouldn't want a gown or a church or probably any religion. I don't care what the flowers are. We can eat ribs and fried chicken for all I care.
She hates them as much as I do; when we decided to get married, we decided that we would do it in some remote location in order to avoid a big, silly wedding at home with all our friends and family. We thought about going to the Maldives or Koh Samui or some other remote, tropical paradise. We compromised on Maui (some compromise, right?!), because our parents and siblings really wanted to attend, and the other locations were very impractical. But then our parents still insisted that we have a "party" here in MI that is turning out to be just a plain old wedding reception. Fuck. You can't win in life. I spent last Saturday being shown around some fancy hotel by an event coordinator who didn't get any of my jokes (like when he asked what theme or feel we were going for I told him death metal [I was wearing my Nigel Tufnel skeleton t-shirt at the time]). It was torture, and I though my fiancee was going to puke at some point; she didn't, fortunately. It makes it a bit more tolerable knowing that she also isn't having fun with this. It would be way worse if I had to pretend to be enjoying myself.
In a way, marriage is like graduation. At the end of the day, the grad ceremony isn't for you, it never was: It's for your parents, your family. Walking across the stage to receive my masters Diploma will mean next to nothing for me - All of the things that have meant anything to me will have been long past - but it will mean a HELL of a lot to my parents, as I am the first child to receive that high of an accolade in the immediate family. The wedding and the reception, at the end of the day, aren't REALLY for you. you already know you love the fuck out of each other. It's a formality for your families and for society, though some people also enjoy the event (Bridezillas, anyone?)because our parents and siblings really wanted to attend, and the other locations were very impractical. But then our parents still insisted that we have a "party" here in MI that is turning out to be just a plain old wedding reception.
(like when he asked what theme or feel we were going for I told him death metal
-that's a wedding I would be excited to attend.
This is fucking hilarious. I'm so happy for you guys.I spent last Saturday being shown around some fancy hotel by an event coordinator who didn't get any of my jokes (like when he asked what theme or feel we were going for I told him death metal [I was wearing my Nigel Tufnel skeleton t-shirt at the time]). It was torture, and I though my fiancee was going to puke at some point; she didn't, fortunately. It makes it a bit more tolerable knowing that she also isn't having fun with this. It would be way worse if I had to pretend to be enjoying myself.