From what I've seen on facebook... seriously thank fuck you're getting out of there.
Yeah. Suddenly I am in a much better state both mentally and physically. Even though I still had 10 more days of work (+Saturday for the build / packout / qc), it's all okay now! There's a light at the end of the tunnel! I think the most mentally draining thing - beyond the thought that I would have to wake up and come in here and do this work every day for an indeterminate amount of time - is that I was terrified that I was losing my passion of what I do. It turns out I'm just not passionate about how this company handles things.
A friend and I had a conversation a while back that began with him asking me, "Do you love to quit too?" to which I answered, "Yes!" Now, I've mentioned my struggle with getting a steady job since moving back to the U.S. but freely quitting various jobs over the years has helped me to understand that I don't have to BE my job and that work is just a paycheck. If my work happens to align with my values, then I am of course much happier, but too often people are told to make their passion their job, which is good advice in general but it does seem to give a whole lot of people the sense that there is a Perfect Job for them out there that will fulfill their every want and soothe all their worries. People change, as do their priorities and values and part of finding a way to be happy (seems to me) is by having a varied career. But, y'know . . . figuring out how to do that is a challenge.
We talked a bit about this in Boston. I've worked numerous jobs that I don't love (or even like) and I never had a problem with it. However, with more creative things, I found it much harder to separate myself from my work. When you work your ass off to solve problems and come up with creative solutions and design and redesign and code and re-code and fix bugs and start from scratch, it's hard to separate yourself. Throughout the process, my mind is consistently working in the background trying to figure out how to solve the problem - whether it's coming up with the initial idea or a particularly stubborn bug. With creation, it's rare that you can force a solution. It's best to think on it without consciously thinking about it. I've come up with so many solutions, or half solutions, or new approaches, or whatever at a bar or in the shower.
Yeah, well . . . this why lots of teachers drink. I'm not saying that it's easy to leave work behind, especially when one cares about what one does. What I am saying is that leaving work in the workplace is something that has taken me a long time to learn and I'm still learning that sometimes I need to let things, places and sometimes even people behind because my emotional attachment gets in the way of being happy or moving toward something else. My example was more like . . . "sometimes coloring outside the lines can help to understand how better to color within them" . . . or something. Other friends assure me that once in my 30s, I'll have enough life experience to better know who I am and what I want. We'll see. Hope it's not too much tribulation for you to figure out what's next!