I didn't think Reddit would help me much, and I was looking for answers to this question that would tend towards length, or at least discuss themselves for more than a sentence or two. I thought about asking a coworker or two but I knew I wanted multiple opinions on this, to kind of crowdsource a best answer, and you can't do that efficiently face-to-face at work - or without kind of throwing shade, either.
So I thought I would ask hubski for some interpersonal work advice here. Now, so:
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I have regular catch-ups with my manager. During these, we discuss my work and she tells me where I'm at. If I need direction, she gives me direction.
Now, sometimes, she will make suggestions to do things which I've done already. This happens regularly enough to start to grate on me.
When she suggests I do something I've already done, it feels as if she doesn't think I am good enough at my job to have already thought of and done them. This probably isn't her intent.
What is the best way I can respond to these in a way which demonstrates my competence, without coming across as dismissive, ungrateful, or in general slightly irritated? Because I know me, and I'm worried about what's coming across sometimes.
I need a good relationship with this boss. Maybe I don't think the most highly of her, but I don't think she's trying to cut me down here either. So how do I make sure I don't sound like an ungrateful, tired, put-upon, rude, ass?
in conclusion: You try saying "Yes, I've already done that" three times without sounding like a dick.
You are looking at this all wrong. You're goal should be to try and get this to happen more often. Every time it happens you should think of it as a compliment. Identify the ways you could anticipate anything else should could ask you to do and have it completed before she asks. Think of things she doesn't know she wants done if you have time and do them. My wife's work is a state of flux at the moment, every one is very tense and there aren't enough hours in the day. On a good day she gets to tell sales, the vice president and the president that she already though of that and took care of it. Your boss has problems of her own and only so much bandwidth to keep track of what you are doing. It's taken care of is the best response you can have to her concerns.
Don't over think this. Just tell her that you had the same thought and as such, you've already completed it. Then, perhaps ask what next you should move on to. Nothing dicky about that. As someone that has lead teams, nothing would make me happier than someone telling me they already thought of and accomplished what I was asking. Any manager wants employees that make their lives easier. Sounds like you're that employee. Good on ya.
Tell her first. I'm guessing she manages more than you. I'm guessing she has a long list of bullshit to take care of that doesn't have your name on it. I'm also guessing that considering the robust structure of the typical Fortune 500 company, there are wheels within wheels within wheels whereby you accomplishing something makes her good, and her piling more shit on you and have you looking like a power-lifter illustrates her acumen. So the question is this: are you satisfied being managed? If so, keep waiting for someone to ask you if you've done X, Y and Z so you can tell them "I already did X, Y and Z." If not, say "So here's what I'm working on this week. I clobbered X and Y, Z was kind of a pain but it's done, or will be as soon as Louie gets me the TPS reports. It got me thinking that A and B probably need revisiting because they're slowing Joe down but I'm kind of more interested in the possibilities of digging into C because I have my suspicions that we aren't doing it as efficiently as we could be. What's come up in the past week that I can help you out with?" She's telling you where you're at because you aren't telling her first. You know what's useful? Someone who solves problems before they get to you. Know what's tedious? Someone who solves problems only when you point at them. Don't be tedious.
YES. THIS. Although, I'm going to come at it from a different direction than kleinbl00. Instead of looking at the meeting as her lecturing you, turn it around and make it a meeting of you reporting to her about what you have accomplished. Then she can make suggestions or ask questions about what you have accomplished, rather than wondering if you have done X, Y, and Z. Flip your understanding of what a meeting is. Meetings are not where you discuss things. Meetings are where you report on the progress of the projects you are working on, and ask for specific help on specific sticking points. This is a more efficient use of everyone's time, it makes you into a leader, and it will have the added benefit of making your meetings extremely short. My weekly meetings with my manager are about 5 minutes long. "Project X is here, Project Y is waiting for ____, and Project Z was completed and delivered." Manager: "Great. Need anything from me?" Me: "Yeah. Can you get on Lonnie's case and tell him that I need a response to my email this week? He's been putting me off." Manager: "You got it." Meeting over. Tell her first.
This might sound like a lot of work, but I think it pays dividends in a lot of ways and saves time in the long run. You might try writing a weekly email or memo on what you accomplish during the week and send it to your boss. It's clear that your boss doesn't realize how much you're doing. Once you do it a couple times, the memos get easier to write. it's just a running list of things you accomplish (large or small) during the week. It doesn't have to go into minute detail and should probably fit on a page unless it's a crazy busy week, but it should highlight the important tasks accomplished, meetings attended, decisions made, decision outstanding and possible future projects. The memos will get repetitive over the weeks, but that's fine. Some tasks are maintenance. It still helps to add those tasks so the boss knows they're covered. Before you go into these meet ups with your boss, you can email or give a copy to the boss to glance over so you're not covering ground that you already covered. That makes the time more efficient for both of you. These memos are also helpful if new management comes in or if you're looking to justify a promotion.
When I was working housekeeping in a hotel there was one day we were short staffed and already behind but I had to go bus tables in the restaurant because they were behind too. When I got there there was no managers around so I just got to work because I had shit to do. I had everything cleaned up and was standing there waiting for manager to come around since I still hadn't seen one. Well one came by and saw me looking bored so she said " oh Oyster, do you even know what you are doing here ?" In the most patronizing voice I have ever heard before. So naturally I stared her right in the eye and said I already did everything in a very unamused way. So if she's anything like that manager, screw her but chances are she's genuinely trying to be helpful. In that situation I would probably just try being light hearted and maybe make a joke in order to balance the annoyed "ya I already did that"'s. That's pretty general advice but I also know very little about your situation so anything more specific would just be me projecting my own experiences onto yours. And clearly my own experiences have been... interesting.
I'm a gigantic pussy, so I usually frame this in the context of asking them something like: "I've noticed on a few projects recently that after I've completed tasks, that you ask me about them after they've been completed and delivered. Is there something I could do better to ensure I've reported out on which items I've completed? By holding onto it as if it's MY problem, I learn from them the best way to communicate it to the boss in the future. Then, next time it happens, I can say "wow. This is what I asked about last week in our one on one. What could I have done better in this instance. I completed this task on Monday and sent you the report before the Tuesday morning meeting. Did you receive that report? Perhaps I could list the completed items differently" I like to blame the other party last. It could be the delivery mechanism (email, system, paper copy, etc), it could be the reporting mechanism itself (report structure, email format, etc). If it ends up just being her... well.... at least you both ruled the other things out together and you don't come across as an ass.... but as some one trying to build a seamless working relationship. but I'm basically a pussy.