QUILTBAG is like LGBT, or LGBTQ, or LGBTQ, or LGBTQIAA, etc. It's just an acronym to describe the community of people. I use it mostly because it's funny, but also because it's more inclusive then LGBTQ+. Really, if i'm being serious the one I like the best is GSM, which stands for Gender and Sexual minorities.

I think QUILTBAG is generally accepted as being Queer, Undecided, Intersex, Lesbian, Trans, Bisexual, Asexual, and Gay, but honestly the letters all get reassigned all the time because sometimes the GSM community just likes making its own life more complicated.

As for lingo, man, there's so much. Some of it is serious, and some of it is the community having a laugh at itself while describing common life experience

Passing is a very common one. It basically means presenting as the gender you wish to be seen as and raising no eyebrows, or not being what one could describe as "visibly" outside of the gender binary.

If you can do this - because not everyone can, or wants to - it is said that you have "passing privilege". Some people desire this because it is safe, or safer to be a trans person if you can pass as cisgender.

Cisgender just means that your gender and the gender the doctor assigned you at birth are the same. I'd say that your Gender and Sex are the same, but the truth is that unless you've actually had it tested, you probably don't know what your chromosomes actually are, and they might be different from what you think they are.

A "Beard" is a term that describes an opposite-sex partner for a same-sex attracted person, usually for the purpose of deceiving unaccepting relatives, but occasionally sometimes when they're lying to themselves, too. In some cases the Beard is complicit (it's usually much better this way), but in other cases the Beard is being strung along and it's a gross situation.

I can add more if people want, and other people who are hanging out and are part of the GSM community can add some too.

My grandmother belongs to a group called the "Happy Hookers." She assures us that I t's a rug-hooking group.

Music's going pretty good! I have been getting more orchestra gigs lately, which feels good.

this weekend I'm working. UGH. trying to do the job of two prep cooks all by myself.

I have some of the same feelings about Alternative, or Gender Neutral pronouns that you do. I find that they can be exclusionary to people who are just trying to deal with you in every day life.

That being said, early in my transition I went by They/Them, which is a Gender Neutral pronoun, for my own comfort and because of my own insecurities.

Gender is on a spectrum, so there are a lot of gradients between the most Masculine and the most Feminine, and there are also people who feel neither masculine nor feminine. I accept all of these people, and think that their identities are valid - But trying to get our language as it stands right now to wrap around them is a problem.

We don't want to change the people, so we have to change the language. We just need to... y'know... agree on a gender neutral pronoun.

As always, it depends where you are. In Canada, it depends on how far away you are from a major centre. If you're near Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, Vancouver, it's gonna be pretty easy. Even places like Winnipeg are okay. However getting into places like northern Ontario even (not even 4 hours away from Toronto) there can be serious problems with access.

The biggest problem is starting trans healthcare. Most doctors don't have a problem continuing your care if you're already on hormones, and will help fill out paperwork for CAMH for surgery stuff if that's the route you want to go, but are sketchy about changing meds and don't want to start new people on meds because they don't have any experience.

Of course, how does one gain experience, right?

The other problem in Canada in particular is that (if you decide to do it), the wait list for surgery is around 2+ years as of last month. so that's... a pain.

1.) Well lately it's been "Glow Up". It's like the Queer version of "grow up", where one is becoming closer to the person they want to be, and is becoming much happier. Smiles are more prevalent in selfies, for example. It's referred to as "Glow Up" not just because of the smiles, but also because there tends to be a lot more glitter.

2.) I have a love/hate relationship, as I think most people do. At its best, it can be a supportive, open place where one can feel safe being themself. At its worst, it can be like a shitty high school clique. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is what we've been talking about - Lingo. It can be used to exclude people you don't like, or to puff yourself up as most knowledgeable and best. It can be very ugly, and is really the logical extreme of what everyone hates about fringe communities and academia combined.

I call Scotland "dude" because I'm from California, and she and I have that kind of comfort in our relationship.

For the record, I consider "dude" to be gender neutral ;)

The real question is, am I rude or inconsiderate or diminishing if I don't remember your gender preference and preferred pronoun to put in front of "coffeesp00ns"?

I'm honestly asking. I have no idea of ooli or War or rd95 or snoodog's gender, and only know Elizabeth's and Lil's because of their names, and know kleinbl00's because I know the guy in person.

IMO, no, you're not being inconsiderate. The nature of online discourse means that gender is generally a lot less relevant unless it is inherently a part of the topic being discussed - which is how it should be IRL as well. If we were in public, however, and I had spoken with you and told you the pronouns I wanted you to use, and presented as female, and you still used "he/him" for me, I'd probably be seriously uncomfortable.

The most important thing to do? If you don't know - ASK. I have never met a trans person who would be more upset by you asking their gender than they would be by you getting their gender wrong. And if you mess it up the second time around, just correct and don't make a big deal - We're way more scared than you are.

I do think it's a good case of due diligence to look up some of the linguistics behind trans stuff, just because It's not really going away any time soon so far as i can see. So, like email and internet and cell phone, it's something we all have to learn. the same thing might become the case if the community and/or english scholars can decide on what gender neutral pronoun to use (probably singular they because our language already sort of supports it - like taking advantage of a weird compatibility in a program).

So here's a basic rundown on some stuff that, if you know, makes wading through conversations

Transgender person - Someone whose gender differs from the one their doctor put on their birth certificate.

Trans(gender) woman - Someone who previously used he/him pronouns who now uses she/her pronouns. That person could have been assigned male by their doctor at birth, or possibly had unclear genitalia at birth and was raised as a male. Regardless, they now will likely be going by female pronouns.

Trans(gender) man - Someone who previously used she/her pronouns who now uses he/him pronouns. That person could have been assigned female by their doctor at birth, or possibly had unclear genitalia at birth and was raised as a female. Regardless, they now will likely be going by male pronouns.

genderqueer - One of many words used to describe people who don't feel strongly as either male or female. An example might be someone who dresses very androgynously and uses they/them pronouns.

Cisgender - Cis is the opposite of the latin Trans - Cisalpine Gaul, for example, meaning the area of Gaul on the Roman side of the Alps, and Trans Atlantic meaning across the Atlantic Ocean. A Cisgender person is someone whose gender is the same as the one the doctor put on their birth certificate. That means that a cisgender man will likely, but not exclusively have XY chromosomes and a cisgender woman will likely, but not exclusively have XX chromosomes. Chromosomes, and genetics, are complicated.

I gotta wonder if the gendering of anybody is really of material value

I mean, in a perfect world gender wouldn't be a factor in how we talk about each other. Men and women would exist perfectly equally. Trans people would still exist, but their taking of hormones to change their body wouldn't be a social issue, just a private one.

However, we don't live in that world. We live in a world where we put people into boxes because humans like little tidy boxes. Turns out that the world of human gender doesn't fit into our two box system of male and female, or even into some other cultures' Three gender box (though more boxes is likely better). So we are currently at a cultural turning point where we have to deal with trans people again. It's happened before (see the Weimar Republic for a recent example), and our choice has been to sweep trans people under the rug - Hopefully we can prevent that from happening again and start to change the way we look at gender.

Hope some of this helps.

I just bought this killer dress from Killstar, it's prob my fave right now. I also like the stuff I have for my Concert Blacks (what I wear onstage for orchestra) - I have sort of a black cardigan, then a a sleeveless black tunic dress and some leggings. It definitely feels like a "power outfit" for me.

As for being trans in Canada vs. the States, It's very much about where you live. Canada is of course generally more safe because of trans protections,some of which are still being passed through legislation. If I was beaten for being trans it would be considered a hate crime here, unlike in some parts of the US.

Having said that I would feel more comfortably being visibly trans in a Metropolitan American city than I would in small town Saskatchewan or Alberta (no offence Alberta. Full offence, Saskatchewan). Being trans and out can be dangerous everywhere, though, especially if one doesn't "pass" (defined elsewhere). It can be hard to get work, old workplaces can become toxic. There's a reason so many trans women, especially trans women of colour are in sex work - Sometimes it's the only work that will have them. But that means being a person in danger in an even more dangerous line of work (due to laws around sex work but that's a convo for another time) - it can be a deadly way to live. 7 trans women have been reported murdered in America so far this year, all of them women of colour. If I remember correctly, someone worked it out a few years ago as trans women of colour having a 1 in 8 chance of ending up murdered - I couldn't cite a source on that, but considering their percentage of population they certainly do get murdered a lot.

not a dumb question at all, actually.

the truth is that anyone who presents outside of the gender binary has a more difficult time getting work, even counting people who just happen to dress more androgynously. However, Trans people definitely do have a more difficult time finding work, and if you come out in the US in a state where there is "At Will" employment, you may find yourself without work. It happens.

As for my own experience, I can definitely say that I have had difficulty finding work. I am currently in school, but even looking for summer jobs, or work when I was between my previous program and this one (currently doing post-grad work), has been difficult. I live in Canada, which is generally a much more accepting place, and there is still this difficulty, so I can only imagine the difficulty that someone would face in other, less accepting places.

Well, I think each case is different, and some are related to transgenderism and some are not. The Elizabethan practice of men playing women's roles has much more to do with English concurrent cultural rules about what women were and were not allowed to do. It can be contrasted with the practice 40 or so years later of women playing "breeches" roles in plays and operas, where lower voiced women would play young men and other maculine roles. In Opera there is some confusion because it's unclear where some roles were for women or for Castrati (men who had been castrated as children to keep their singing voice high and "pure")

You could definitely argue that some of these practices have something to do with western European culture trying to figure out what to do with masculine women and feminine men, I just don't think you can argue that it's the whole purpose, or even the main purpose - just a... side purpose?

Someone like the Chevalier D'Eon is more likely to be related to the concept of intersex people, or people who have both male and female genitalia. They occasionally get lumped in with Trans people, but are really a separate group of people. There are some intersex people who later transition, though - XY or XX people whose genitalia were unclear at birth (either too large or too small of a phallic/clitoral structure) who later on transition to confirm their gender identity and have a phalloplasty or vaginoplasty to repair what doctors may have done to them at birth.

"Would trans people exist if we didn't have gender as a social structure?" is a big one. It's even been asked here.

It's just such a pointless question that is functionally designed to discredit the trans experience. "Your existence is only a thing because of the way our culture is, and is therefore invalid", is basically what they are trying to say.

It also makes little sense because there are other cultures which have more than two genders (both currently and historically). Basically, humans as a species have been trying to explain trans people for thousands of years, and have mostly been unsuccessful.

Most of the questions that I hate getting are the ones that are leading - people with a little bit of information and a whole lot of opinion who want to tell me how wrong I am for being trans, or want to create a "gotcha" moment. Like, Yes, i did in fact decide to play my life on Hard Mode and decided to be trans - Like, come on, really? I don't have all the answers because science doesn't have all the answers either - no one does so far as we can tell - but that doesn't mean that I can be dismissed because I make your life inconvenient (the plural you, not you specifically).

When did I know? It's actually a bit of a complicated question. I think that if I had grown up in a more gendered household, I would have known earlier, but my home was very egalitarian - Everyone did housework, everyone did yard work, everyone did heavy lifting. My sister taught me how to drive stick, my Army brother taught me how to sew on a button.

So for me, it wasn't until I tried to start tackling my depression. I'd been depressed since high school, and at first I thought "well, you're a teenager, of course you're depressed," so I did nothing and just tried to wait it out. But then I did a three year college program, doing what I love (music), and was still depressed. Then I went to university after that college program, and I was still depressed. So I started seeing a therapist irregularly, and got onto some antidepressants.

Here's the thing about antidepressants that most people don't get. Their job isn't to make you happy, or to numb you. their job is to get you to a place where you can deal with your shit. It turned out my "shit" was being trans.

I... didn't want that to be true. So I grew a beard, and tried to be "manly". A few years later, at the end of my bachelor's degree, I had a moment where I realized that I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror in 6 months - This is more difficult than it sounds, the average person at the very least looks in the mirror when they wash their hands. I looked homeless - Shaggy, unkempt. By december of that year, now in my Master's, I had finally convinced myself to talk to a therapist about trans stuff, and I had come out to a few very close friends.

Is this a similar experience? It's one of many different experiences. There are eight million stories in the naked city, as they say. Mine is just one of them. Some say they knew from their first memories, some live in deep denial until their 80s, some transition in their teens, some don't transition at all.

If gender identity were 100% arbitrary social construct, would there be any transgender people?

Absolutely. Being trans has little to do with how other people perceive me, and almost everything to do with how I perceive me. This is why Gender Dysphoria is the description in the DSM, and why the treatment is to have Hormone replacement therapy, and then surgery.

When I look in the mirror, i see things that my brain says are wrong. my facial hair is wrong, my penis is wrong. They are not supposed to be there. It feels chemicals in my body that it says are wrong.

Having Hormone replacement therapy helps, not just because of physical changes, but also because my hormone levels are closer to what a cisgender woman would be. If anything, the physical changes are sort of secondary? they help with the mirror, and they help with people calling me what I'd like to be called, which are both good for the brain. When I've had to be off hormones for extended periods my mental health has been much worse generally, even though the physical changes have not gone away.

I guess a lot of that also goes to help answer your question 1. Basically, when I'm on HRT to change my body and to alter the levels of estrogen and testosterone in my body, I hate myself a whole lot less. I hate my body a lot less, and it's easier to function - It's like having a block lifted out of the way. I can focus on proper diet and exercise, I don't just get up, go to work, go home, eat, sleep, which is what my existence was by the time i finally got into the therapy step before HRT,, then some time later on to HRT.

As for 2.), well, your problem is that you're looking for biological stuff towards Gender, and most gender stuff is brain related, and unrelated to the rest of your biology. In fact, one of the biggest "theories" for why transgender people exist has to do with a testosterone surge in the intrauterine period of development. Basically, XYs get a shot of testosterone which affects their brain in some ways, and XXs don't. except, there may be times when XYs don't get that "shot" of T, or XXs do, or the amount of testosterone in the "shot" is not as much as it should be. All of these cases have the potential to create gender variance inside of XX and XY people.

If you take that hypothesis and throw it at the scientific data, you come up with this: Male-to-Female Transsexuals Have Female Neuron Numbers in a Limbic Nucleus. If you read the abstract, you can see that the opposite is also true, that Female to Male trans people have Male Neuron numbers.

Does that count as a biological basis for gender Identity? I'd like to think so, I guess, but again you have to focus on brain and endocrine science in the literature to get anywhere.