We want to surround ourselves with people whose view of us is somewhat in line with how we view ourselves. Without that, the secrets and doubleness pile up. Like Walt Whitman, we can and do encompass multitudes, but I prefer to live a single consistent life and feel like I am being my "self" at least 99.9% of the time.
I don't lead what I think of as a double life, but there are some pretty distinct hats I put on for various interactions. A friend I've known for years was surprised that some people I used to do business with see me as something of a hardass, and I in turn was surprised that these two hats caused such a disparate and distinct ideas of who I was as a person. That Selinda story was a bit intense, though I understand that there is likely more contextual information, but I think I might be worried if the "original" personality were to be "put away" permanently.
Good point. There are many aspects to identity. Karl and Kay are still very much the same person to me. I had a Jewish childhood friend who became an evangelical Christian. I saw her a year or so after her conversion and discovered she was very much the same person and still is. She did not try to convert me - we met very much as old friends. The novel Earthly Possessions is a good read, and the Selinda story could be a metaphor for the central character's whole life. In this book, a woman decides to leave her husband. She is in the bank about to take out her life savings, when she is taken hostage by a bank robber who takes her across the country.
Fantastic post lil. It makes me very angry inside when I hear that there are good people out there that are afraid to be themselves because of archaic and static notions of gender. I think it makes me upset because I know how amazing it feels to find yourself and for society to accept you for who you are. To take that experience away from someone is tragic and unacceptable. For me personally, I don't feel like I have to live a double life. But I think we all play different characters with different people. I am not the exact same person around my mom as I am with a professor, or a best friend, or a girl friend. We all play different roles. But I don't think that makes me a different person. They are different versions of me. And they all collectively make me who I am.
You're right, we are not exactly the same person with different people. Relationships have their own habits, language, protocol, expectations, and activities. I know, however, that I had so many secrets in previous relationships -- I was so inconsistently my "self" -- that I had to "move over" and become "Selinda." In that case, moving over meant moving 3000 miles. Maybe it's a girl thing. I wonder what insomniasexx would say about double lives.
Wait..why?! Do you think I lead a double life?! Why the fuck would you think that?!!!?? I'm a totally sweet girl 24/7. :P I'm going to think about it and comment further tomorrow. It's an interesting topic and I definitely have something to say, I just have to figure out how to put it into words.Maybe it's a girl thing. I wonder what insomniasexx would say about double lives.
Wait..why?! Do you think I lead a double life?!
Why? Because you're a female (as far as I can tell.) I had a conversation on this topic tonight with someone who suggested that girls more readily change themselves to please boys, thus getting farther and father away from their own preferences/identity, but boys might do this too. I don't know.
Who am I indeed. Double life? I've felt like that for years. I played in a band and worked for a Fortune 50 company at the same time. I felt like anyone at the clubs I played at would have thought seeing me in a suit and tie was strange and anyone that I consulted with would have felt the same way seeing me play some smokey dive bar. Both are me though. Gotta say though, I'm getting pretty fed-up with the suit and tie guy. But then, life's a rum-go and you've gotta pay the mortgage somehow and music sure isn't ponying up. Nowhere near the sort of juxtaposing lives as your cousin lives, but still two sides of me."It's said there are only 10 plots in all of fiction, but I believe there's only one: 'Who am I?'"
from The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)