I returned home after dropping my daughter off at our friends to my wife saying, "we need to go" and "this really hurts!" Just as we were grabbing our bags, her water broke. Normally, people will have around an hour after their water breaks before the craziness begins.
Not this time.
My wife went to go upstairs to put on clean pants but didn't make it beyond the living room, where she dropped to the ground and said "call the midwife."
I took her cell phone and called our midwife. Our cell reception is horrible in our home. I couldn't understand a word she was saying. She asked to speak to my wife. I handed the phone over and then I looked at my wife and saw that our sons head was beginning to crown. "Holy shit!" Is either what I thought or said out loud, I can't recall. I grabbed our landline and called 911. The woman on the line took my information and then began giving me instructions. "Get fresh towels and linens, get a shoelace or a string to tie the umbilical chord off..." etc.
My wife's water broke at 3:20.
I was on the phone with 911 by 3:22. By 3:23 I could clearly see the top of my sons head. The 911 dispatcher told me to press with my palm on the top of my wife's vagina. I followed her instructions and I immediately heard, "stop doing that," from my wife. I stopped and my wife pushed and his head crowned poked out even more. I put my finger in, around his head (hey, I've seen the doctors in the movies) and this did nothing but perhaps make her even more uncomfortable. She pushed a second time and his head fully emerged. Now I try to put my fingers in there again and help coerce him further. It did nothing. She pushed again, his shoulders plopped out and I could finally pull at something, but really I didn't need to. My wife pushed a final time and he plopped in to my arms.
For those of you that have not seen a birth, it's a dirty, messy and almost violent affair; even when there's a trained professional there in a sterol environment. We were on some old towels on a tile floor in our living room. We were pretty terrified. By the time Atticus landed in our arms it was 3:30. Ten minutes had passed. An eternity of thoughts, actions, fears and joys in ten minutes.
As Atticus emerged he began crying and my wife and I both felt tremendous relief. I handed him to her and was going to grab the shoelace when I heard the sirens.
The firemen and the EMT's were amazing. I've never been more relieved to hear a siren. One of the EMT's that was particularly kind was named "Kermit." When I shook Kermit's hand in thanks it was shaking badly -pure adrenaline. I've never had a more intense experience in my life.
My wife birthed the placenta in the ambulance. She did a fantastic job and she and Atticus are both healthy, beautiful and incredibly strong.
Yesterday I had the most amazing experience of my life.
He's pretty great, don't you think...
He recently turned 11. I came back here to reminisce. What a day that was. He is still beautiful and strong. Headstrong too. Intelligent, athletic and incredibly impulsive. He brings us all tremendous joy.
Holy hell. Fine job, sir. Guess you shoulda gone to medical school, too, eh? Not sure you're ever gonna top that one in your life. Which is awesome, but now you have nothing left to look forward to! (Kidding, obviously). I also had a life altering day yesterday, but in a much (like a million times much) less dramatic way. I'll tell you about it when I'm not feeling surreal anymore. Anyway, the kid is adorable, and doesn't look at all like he was born yesterday (I guess that's what you get with no forceps or other implements of destruction pulling at his young skin).
I documented my journey on reddit to get Greenwald's latest post onto r/news on r/conspiracy, confronted a mod on r/news to approve a zerohedge post if the original wasn't going to be accepted, got shadowbanned, recreated a new account and posted on my rising r/news post about my experience, which was kept at the top. It suggested that those that were fed up with the manipulation and censorship on reddit should come here. Shortly afterwards the reddit admins contacted me and reinstated my account. Congrats on the baby! It's a cute one :P
Thanks for the congratulations and thank you for spreading the word about Hubski, we appreciate it. You'll have no such "mod" issues here. I hope to see you around! Also, if you're interested in Greenwald/Snowden surveillance etc, check out the latest Hubski video-cast: Cheers!
Hey, you guys decide whether or not you're going to have another? I know it was a topic of discussion recently.
Your adventure yesterday certainly put this podcast of yours in perspective. Your initial question was "How can men help when their wives are pregnant?" It looks like you've discovered the best answer ever: deliver the baby yourself!! Your podcast "Pregnancy from the Male Perspective" was posted about 9 months ago. Who knew? Anyway, my heart was pounding as I read your description. Now take a week off already.
EDIT 1 It wasn't yesterday, but I once midwifed a cow. We had to use a winch to pull the 80-pound calf out. It stood up right away. Very cute.
I've never felt more useful in my life. Really, all I did was "catch" but still, it was an important thing I was catching. I've never, ever had anything remotely this intense occur in my life. All I could think was, "please don't die, please don't die" when he was coming out. I realize that women have been delivering babies since the dawn of man, but still I couldn't help but think I could potentially screw it up if I didn't act appropriately. What if the chord is wrapped around his neck, what if he's stuck or breached? Luckily, he was none of those things and it was a perfect delivery. We arrived home yesterday and I went to the bathroom where I hurriedly had shut our dogs away just after Atticus arrived. There was blood and gunk dried and splattered all over the door knob. I found my shoe, sans laces on the counter where I had left it. There was a pair of bloody scissors on the ground, under the couch that I used to cut his umbilical chord. Crazy. Atticus is very cute, but unlike your calve, he's yet to stand up. -Given his entry in to the world, it wouldn't surprise me though. This kid is miraculous!!
Your podcast "Pregnancy from the Male Perspective" was posted about 9 months ago. Who knew?
Too perfect!
Wanting to have kids intensifies. Story behind Atticus? I vaguely remember the discussion, but I can't be positive. If I ever have a kid, we've all agreed on Ramses. I mean, no contest. Most badass name ever. Edit: Oh, I guess I should say what I did yesterday - made a Tetris clone as coding practice. Yay. Not as interesting, haha.
Meanwhile, I just want thenewgreen to tell me all the nasty gross parts of the birth.(Footnote) I WANNA KNOW HOW GROSS IT IS TNG! (Footnote) All the nasty gross parts of the birth, coincidentally, are one on a long list of factors of why I don't want to have kids.
I took some notes from my much more conventional, yet still messy, observations. There's a link to The Story About the Baby, which may help you build out your list.I WANNA KNOW HOW GROSS IT IS
Yes, TNG, don't tell us you didn't take a photo of the scene when you came home.
Thanks Chris, it was quite the intense experience. Looks like you could have used some catchers gear yourself. What gives with the leg? How long you out in regards to tennis? Bummer.
I don't know what you look like, but based on this picture, you and your wife must be supermodels or something! What a cutie!
They always say the second one comes faster but I think this is a whole new level. Congrats and I'm glad everyone is healthy and happy.
Wow, that's the day after we close on our home. You can help us move :)
Are you really going to drive your truck to nc? Even with outrageous plane prices, I think it'll still be cheaper than driving that big, sexy thing.
I'm surprised it get that much on the highway. That's not bad at all. My explorer tops out at 16. I can't wait to steal my truck back from my brother at the end of this year.
I care more about the 10-11 hours each way than the money.
-That's fine. If you were here when we were moving, I'd be more likely to appreciate the man power than the horse power. We are of course hiring movers and a large van but still, the more the merrier.
Absolutely. Or we'll just steal your children for the day and take them to the baseball game so you can move more easily. :P
Congratulations, that's awesome. Better save the link to this post for his future girlfriends :) Tell them that Atticus waits for no one. Yesterday an Elks Lodge came and threw a BBQ (thanks CA weather) for my homeless vets on the property I manage. Then a few volunteer families came and planted flowers, picked fruit, and juiced them. Overall a good day.
I was feeling nostalgic and came by this old post to revisit the day I delivered my son in my living room floor, which apparently was also the day the Elks Lodge held a BBQ for you and your homeless vets. It's been a while, how are ya white?
Wow. Just wow. Congratulations buddy. Hope to meet him one day.
He too will one day kick your ass in tennis. :) Look forward to telling you all about the day. It was a doozy.
Yesterday I drove around a lot. My friend was coming back into town from Peru but I knew I probably wouldn't be able to see him - but I hoped I would. So I needed to find things to fill my time. I drove in the morning and drove in the afternoon, finally visiting my friend at her work after getting lost on the way there - though I know the route! I convinced her to join me at a bar once she was off, where we played video games and I drank various wheat beers and ciders. She brought a sandwich and we split it. It was not a bad evening, but not very eventful, at all. Not like yours!
that's amazing thenewgreen. I got chills from reading it. You're boy is beautiful and I'm sure he will be equally terrified by this story when he is old enough to understand. Best of luck to you and your wife. It can only get easier from here. :-)
Thank you smoorman, it's been a great couple of days, I'm exhausted but missed you guys. Hold down the fort.
Congrats, and what a story. You have even more to expect of him now! Someday when he's a teenager and mouthing off, you can remind him that you delivered him. Awesome story. Cute baby.
Thanks, I appreciate it. How are you and your wife doing? Hope all is well in the frozen tundra.
Holy shit. That's a (maybe?) once in a lifetime event. Congrats on how well you and your wife handled child and it's good to hear that everything appears healthy so far! It always confuses me when I see a newborn with hair.
It's pretty normal for babies to have hair due to the intense hormones available in utero. It usually falls out and is replaced by second growth of baby hair that's likely to be a softer texture and different colour. Explanation here
Thanks for that explanation lil. I never knew that it falls out and get replaced. Babies are weird.