I had a conversation recently with my fiancee's mother. She tried to convince me that we should have a Rabbi marry us. I flat refused. She argued that it wasn't about religion but rather about respecting a beautiful ceremony. While I get her point, I totally disagree. I'm not going to have my marriage start with a definition of this and not that. Especially if we have a family one day, I don't want my kids identifying themselves by religion. We are already societally obligated to segregate by nationality, race, gender, etc. I don't think it's necessary or productive to add a specific religion into the mix. That said, if I have a curious child who wants to explore any particular religion, I would encourage them to do so. When I was a teenager, I started visiting a Zen temple in Ann Arbor, mainly out of curiosity. My mom got upset and asked me why I would want to join a cult when I already have such a nice religion. I love my mom, but she's not exactly the worldly type. I can look back and understand a lot of the ways she parented now that I thought were nuts at the time. But on that one I think she missed the mark by a mile.Human beings crave a sense of belonging. We need to be able to say I am a… "Blank." That's why people are avid fans of sports teams, political parties etc.
My hats off to you for not caving into the in-laws. My father-in-law's pastor married us, so in a way I guess I lost that battle. That said, it wasn't much of a battle as I saw it as a way to show I was embracing his family -and his pastor was a hell of a nice guy. That said, recently my daughter has been asking a lot of questions about this. Right now she is staying with my mom who is a Catholic. I'm a little bit terrified that my mom will go against our wishes and start describing heaven to her etc. My plan is that if she asked me where people go when they die I'm going to turn the question around to her and ask her where she thinks they go. Beyond that, I plan on being very honest with her and letting her know that I'm not sure what happens when people, animals, plants etc. die. This all started when she asked about my wife's mom and where she was. My wife's mom died when she was only 12 years old and at the same time she was asking this, our dog died. Kids are smart, and I'm starting to realize I need to be prepared for some really big questions.
The other day my mother and daughter went to the park together. There was a church that had organized games and free snacks for any kids that were hanging out there. After a round of snacks they gathered the children up for story time. The story was a religious one. My Mom got kind of pissed off about it, didn't think it was cool to lure kids in with free fun and lay some dogmatic stories on them. Guess we have opposite moms. I could really care less. I want my kid to be exposed to as many different wacko's as she can. I plan on reading her all the basic bible stories (I've done a few already) just for the sake of her own cultural literacy. I'm not planing on her believing or not beveling in god, I'll let her know how ridiculous I find most Christian beliefs and also let her know that I love and respect many Christians. I have been doing the "What do you think?" tactic a lot lately with her. She asks many questions that are either just annoying things she already knows or are tough questions with no good answer. I find "what do you think" is one of the better ways to get her to either stop being annoying or to promote a dialog. We lost several family members right before and after my kids birth. She has a pretty good clue about death, in fact she can be downright maudlin about it at times. There is an old guy who is often coming or going when we go to the public pool. He is looking pretty rough, but goes swimming almost every day. First time Hazel saw him she blurted out super loud "Is he going to die daddy?" She has seen the face of death and was naturally curious.
I want my daughter to be exposed to all sorts of ideas, even the crazy ones… Just not the crazy ones "yet." She's only three years old and the idea of some religious zealot telling her the concept of heaven and hell doesn't really appeal to me.
That's the way I'll probably go when I have kids, My parents think it's inportant I think what I want to think and be what I want to be,
which ironically is how I plan to raise my future children.
Beyond that, I plan on being very honest with her and letting her know that I'm not sure what happens when people, animals, plants etc. die.
plants
I'm not too good when it comes to religous beliefs but is there actually people who debate what happens when plants die!?