An interesting question. For me, occurrences like this are invariably a problem of mindfulness. Thoughts are tricky things because to the individual they are a concrete experience. I start thinking about a foreign situation, which at some point leads to thoughts of what might go wrong, which then ends up triggering actual feelings of anxiety. Suddenly, if I let things get out of hand, the simple act of considering a new situation has essentially activated a fight or flight response. After a while, like any well ingrained habit, this whole process is perceived as almost compulsory. And to some degree it is; one cannot stop or suppress thoughts through sheer power will. Nor should they try. It will lead to nothing but more suffering. They are the conscious brain's unavoidable musings on the stimuli it receives from the world. What you can do is choose which thoughts to entertain and how to respond to them. It's kind of like when you debate things in your head and are testing out answers on yourself. You're going through the arguments and in response to one you may inadvertently think something prejudice, racist, sexist, or something otherwise socially unacceptable. Now that's not a bad thing in and of itself. What's important at that point is that one assesses it, realises the thought is not socially acceptable and why, and dismisses it as invalid. What would be bad is if one accepts that thought as okay simply because it’s the one that cropped up. And then follows through on it some capacity. The same process is applicable to emotionally charged thoughts which arise when in situations like your post. A thought crops up in response to a stimuli. It is a thought which has connotations of anxiety, anger, sadness, etc. But just like the prejudiced thoughts, it can be assessed rationally. What is this thought? What is it a response to? Why? What influenced it? How is it making me feel? Is it rational? Why/why not? After this assessment one can ask themselves this question: Is it an acceptable thought/the thought I wish to have? If the response is ‘yes’ then follow the thought some more. But If the answer is 'no' then you let go of the thought and no longer consider it. It is a passing cloud. This whole process should ideally be as non-judgmental as possible, i.e. not judging the thought as positive or negative. It is a natural response to stimuli. This stops the process before it gets to a point where it makes you feel anxious. One does not have to follow it through to its conclusion. Of course, this is harder than it appears in writing. Thoughts can return or become invasive etc. This technique is generally practiced in session dedicated to mindfulness. But for me, this has been the key to overcoming my anxiety. And I was guy who would have 30 minute debates with himself about whether to accept an invitation to the pub. I’d like to write more but I’m at work right now but I’ll reply later if this helps at all.
Yeah, I've only recently realized that after putting some meditation youtube channels at night to help me fall asleep. After only a couple nights I felt a power to dissociate myself a little before the emotions floded in. As a highly sceptical person, it was powerful but I think I didn't want to acknowledge it. I've thought about it a bunch since then and I'll probably go on a 10/day meditation retreat when I come back from travels. Mindfulness and awareness of emotions is super powerful and I'd be a fool not to give it a fair chance while I don't have any real life obligations
There's a book called The Happiness Trap that is a wonderful and detailed primer for what you're describing. It's mindfulness based, but also research based and entirely secular. It has helped me dis-identify with my thoughts and feelings, which is really powerful.
So I'd like to ask you, in all honesty in your day-to-day life, how much are you able to apply this technique. As a long term meditator I'm genuinely interested. For me it's a hit and miss affair - being aware of your thoughts as they occur. I think there's an aspect that's habitual - you can train yourself to do it, and there are times where it's spontaneous, but I still find it a struggle. Of course, this is harder than it appears in writing.
Sorry about the delayed response, I've been away. I haven't mediated for about a year now so, as far as generally applying mindfulness consistently throughout my days is concerned, such moments are fleeting. I definitely agree with your observation of it being an habitual, trained skill. However, I did rack up around 60 hours of meditation over a period 18 or so months. As such, in moments of emotional overwhelm, I can quite consistently apply the aforementioned techniques to reground myself. For the time being, that's what matters to me. That being said, those spontaneous moments that you mention do motivate me to take up regular practice again. But there's always a resistance there for me, just to sit. Even when I remember the ultimately positive outcomes of it.