Mine = Swimming in open waters.
When I was a boy, around the age of 6, my father took me swimming with his friends in a small lake where I grew up. My father gave me an inner tube to cling to and told me to hold on to the inner tube and I'd be safe. I couldn't yet swim.
I vividly recall losing grip of the tube and sinking below. I was only underwater for a few moments. The helplessness was a horrible feeling, I gulped in some water while frantically reaching upward to grip what was no longer there. In less than a minute, my dad pulled me up, out of the water an placed me on the tube. I was fine, but that moment has never left me. To this day I can't enjoy swimming the way others do. My wife loves it, many people love it but I still have a slight fear when swimming in open waters. Jumping off of a dock or swimming out from shore is fine, but when I'm out in the middle of a big lake or a body of water I still get uneasy.
That's mine. What is yours?
Same. One major decision I recently made is to try to minimize the time I spend consuming internet- and video-game-based entertainment. I realized that I consider almost all of the time I spend on those things to be effectively completely wasted. It doesn't make me happier, it doesn't get any of my schoolwork done, it doesn't teach me anything, and it doesn't facilitate any social interaction (unless it's a video-game played at a LAN party or something, which I'd consider differently). I have observed that both I and most of my friends waste almost all of our free time on such things, and we could spend that free time either being productive or doing something that is slightly higher-effort but much more rewarding (like reading books, playing piano, playing a board game or talking with friends, going for a hike or otherwise exploring the outdoors, etc). I've spent the last couple years trying to spend more of my time on those worthwhile things: trying to prioritize my classes, piano, outdoors, exercise, reading, etc. But I've finally realized that the core problem is my (and pretty much all of my peers') obsession with/addiction to low-effort activities and low-effort entertainment. I just need to judiciously avoid stupid low-effort wastes of time, and I'll much more easily find other more productive things to do during that time instead. It's working out well so far. I think my parents had a better college experience than any of my friends or I am currently having. They made better friends and did more memorable things with them. I blame the internet for stealing our time. If we didn't always have such easy access to stupid low-effort entertainment, we'd be motivated to find more worthwhile ways to entertain ourselves. Generally speaking, low-effort things suck, the easiest thing to do at any given time is never actually worth doing, and the worth/productivity/happiness/reward gotten out of any activity is generally proportional to how difficult it was. Kind of like Reddit: it sucks now compared to five years ago because almost all of the content and discussion is much lower-effort now compared to five years ago. I don't want to waste the bulk of my college years neither learning nor making/doing something cool nor going out and actually doing things with my friends. And the way I plan to start to do that is by avoiding the single foremost thief of my time: the stupid internet. Edit: added a 't' to 'teach'
When I was in school we didn't spend that much time online. We did play a ton of vide games though. Mostly EA sports games though and that was usually against a roommate, so it was a social thing. We'd have tournaments, usually while playing NHL but there would be all of us roommates (4 of us) around drinking beer and playing video games. Then around 10 we'd go out to the bars. If I had had the Internet back then I don't know if it would have made that big of a difference. I probably would have known more people and been more aware of where the party was that night, that's all. It's a good idea to get rid of behaviors that you think aren't contributing to your happiness though. Good luck with it ike. Also keep in mind though that every past generation seems like they "had it better". I bet you end up leaving your collegiate experience with some pretty great memories and even friends. These things just tend to burn a bit brighter in the rearview mirror. -unfortunately.
Yup. I am terrified of living an uneventful, melancholy, standard life, making no real connections or lasting impact and being forgotten soon after I die alone and full of regrets over what could have been.
In the words of a close friend of mine,So the best anyone does is figure out what their cog is in the machine and do the shit out of it. Whatever it is. Even if it doesn't seem perfect, there's a joy in knowing you're getting better at something you at least find interesting, which can develop over time into a real love.
Hey newgreen, are you thinking about a future podcast? I've been looking at the answers to this post and ike's about trying not to spend too much time on line and both have made me afraid. I'm afraid of missing a chance to be helpful or not knowing how to be helpful or even being harmful. It's impossible to know what an online comment maker really needs or wants, unless they ask (and even then...) I often start writing responses, but then delete them. I'm afraid of getting unnecessarily involved.. So I better go right now and do other things.
I have a recurring dream that one or both of my cats run away. I'm not sure what that means I'm afraid of, but definitely something. Losing control, perhaps??? I spent my adolescent years terrified of flying. I loved to fly as a kid, and I enjoy it now, too. But I had an anxiety attack on a plane when I was 14 or 15 (I don't know what sparked it, but I was doing a lot of LSD at the time), and for the next 5 or 6 years, even the thought of flying scared me. No joke: I fixed it with alcohol. I would get shitfaced on planes, and then I wouldn't get the anxiety. But then I realized that the whole thing was chemical to begin with, and after that epiphany the fear went away. Now I get drunk on planes for pleasure and boredom, not fear :)
My cat, who was older than me and had always been there for me just recently passed away. She was my first friend and mentor, and white as the snow. On the night she passed, I had a fever dream and had hallucinations of her and out time spent together in vivid years from 10+ years back. I had no idea what the dream meant, until I found she passed in her sleep of old age. It's still hitting me hard, but I'm telling myself the truth: she lived a great life..
I have a recurring dream that one or both of my cats run away. I'm not sure what that means I'm afraid of, but definitely something. Losing control, perhaps???
Let's imagine that the cats are a projection of yourself. If you were to be the cat in the dream and ask it 'what do you need?' or 'what do you want?' it would probably say "freedom" or "more food" or "adventure." If those are things that you want too, then that's what the dream might be telling you.
Perhaps the cat running away is more literal? Could that cat represent an actual person? I've only begun to realize the last few years how pervasive the fear of flying is. I work with several people that have to travel often and are terrified of it. One woman has to take either Xanax or lots of alcohol or combination thereof to curb her fears. She hates it. Another woman that I work with will opt to drive instead of fly. One time she drove from Arizona to Chicago for a meeting. Now that's just crazy! But her fear is so strong that it made more sense in her opinion. I'm glad you were able to get over this fear, traveling is such a wonderful thing that it would be a bummer if a component of it was anything less than kick ass.
I actually love flying. I love airports, and the steady stream of people crossing paths. So many have a sense of urgency, they're each one a 'story.' Also, enclosed spaces don't bother me...if anything it's the opposite and I find them comforting. At least I used to feel that way about flying. While I'm in no way scared of it, a lot of the magic is gone in these days of TSA heightened security. You no longer get to see people step out of the gate to a greeting by their family members or friends. TSA lines are now unpredictable in their size. They can be 1 minute long, or an hour and a half. This creates a situation where you either show up just in time and are stressed the whole time, or you get there incredibly early and just sit at the now cordoned off gate bored out of your mind. The new baggage fees and the trend to charge for carry ons is also annoying and just makes you frown. Contributes to the overall feeling of being nickled and dimed to death as you're shoved into a tube. Ha. Maybe I'm just bitter because I had a terrible experience this past week flying Spirit back from Las Vegas. Sleeping in an airport hallway will do that to you I guess :) Shame on me for flying Spirit again though, when I swore I never would.
or you get there incredibly early and just sit at the now cordoned off gate bored out of your mind
I am chronically early for flights. I often find myself sitting there for an hour prior and I love it! There aren't many times I get to be by myself, listen to music and do the kind of people watching that airports provide. Airports are wonderful places. People are at heightened levels of both joy and misery. Long planned trips to see loved ones, flying home for a funeral, their dream vacation in Paris etc. You can see it on their faces. I've written some of my best stuff while in airports. I also love airport bars. Airport bartenders know that they'll never see you again. There's no pretense, its awesome. Food and drinks come fast. I love airports. I love listening to some good music and going through the crazy tunnel at McNamara in Detroit, or sitting in the rocking chairs in Charlotte or putting a $20 bill in a slot machine in Vegas (only money I'll gamble while there). Airports are great.
| I also love airport bars.| I love the idea of them, yet every time I'm actually in an airport and could go to one, the thought of consuming alcohol then getting on a plane turns me off for some reason. The two don't quite go together. I love the idea of drinking in an airport bar when you don't have to fly, but sadly, you can't do that anymore since they are beyond security checkpoints.
Airports and consuming alcohol just seems like such a natural thing to me. I don't "get drunk" when flying, but I do like to have a beer or a drink prior if I have time. As for the checkpoints and greeting and seeing off people, I agree 100% with that. The RDU airport is nice because you can park your car for up to an hour for free and though you can't be "at the gate", you can be at the other side of the checkpoint waiting, which is close to as good. Close.
It was a fucking nightmare and I will NEVER fly it again if I can help it. The only situation where I will is if no other airline offers a flight at a proper competing time. I have to fly out to NYC and Vegas at different times during the year under pretty tight constraints as far as what days and what time of day I leave, but outside of that I will happily pay extra. You end up paying either way since they charge you for carry ons (40$ per bag), inconsistently apply their 'personal item' rule (had my personal item changed to a 'carry on' and charged by staff when I've taken the same container on multiple other flights and stashed under seat). As you mentioned, I've run into delays on more than one occasion, and they space their seats closer together in coach than other airlines. I could go on. Definitely my bad though. Ugh.
On the other hand, Xanax and alcohol is pretty amazing in combo, so at least there's that. But I think a fear of flying is so pervasive, because its a combination of no control with claustrophobia, two of the most common fears. You put them together and its too much for some people.
On the other hand, Xanax and alcohol is pretty amazing in combo, so at least there's that.
no doubt! Maybe not the best combo just prior to a national business meeting though. Hard to be at your best. But a fine combo indeed.
No, you can't really think straight, so you better fly the night before if you're headed to a meeting and you need drugs to fly. Next time you're on a plane look around you at takeoff and every time there's significant turbulence. You will see people sweating, clenching fists, etc. When you know the signs, they're really easy to spot. The worst thing for me, almost as bad as the anxiety itself, was having to hear my brother rip on me to no end about it. What are brothers for, I guess?
I would definitely give my brother shit if he were in the same situation. -And I would expect he would me. I flew to Austin last year and had a 50 year old woman sitting next to me. She warned me in advance that she was a "bad flyer". She grabbed my arm several times in fear. She was sweet and I talked her through it. Her way of handling it was to talk incessantly. Normally this would be obnoxious but she needed a friendly ear. Turned out her son was some tech-dude and I met him at the terminal. He gave me passes to a tech fair going on near my hotel. I went, thinking serendipity had struck and that I'd get to meet all sorts of interesting people. -It sucked. My only reward was being a good samaritan. -Man could she talk though.
Foot odor issues? I know that the TSA catches a lot of flak for being obtrusive, obnoxious and with little impact (and it is) but it doesn't bother me. I've got it down. The only thing that I find slightly annoying is that no airport ever has enough seating near the TSA exit for puting your shoes back on etc.
I'm very private about my possessions. I hate people touching my stuff, I hate people using my things, and I hate having things examined. Its the point where, even if we were dating, you aren't allowed to use my phone unless you really need to make a call or its an emergency. That, and I have the view that the TSA is a tremendous violation of my rights against unwarranted searches of my persons and property, and the opposite of what our justice system is founded on here in the United States. Innocent is the default assumption, but when you walk through the TSA checkpoint you are assumed to be guilty until they find nothing on you. Also I have a deep mistrust of people in uniform who aren't in the military or who aren't cops telling me to walk through checkpoints with my shoes off and everything I have with me in a bin to be scanned. Its too much the feeling of being a number, and while I'm able to accept a great deal of dehumanization, something about that is just a tad beyond the line I've drawn.
I can get most of that, except the phone thing. Is there any rational reason why you wouldn't want somebody to use your phone? This doesn't qualify as a "fear", but I have a strong aversion to wearing someone else's shoes. I think it's disgusting.
That's what your 20's are for though. Get through college and start some sort of career path, but mostly just have a ton of fun. No joke. Then kill it in your 30s.
I think most people are afraid of rejection. I definitely am. Whenever there is something that I want, or somebody that I wish to connect with, I end up scaring myself with all of the worst case scenarios and end up convincing myself that I actually don't want that thing or I don't want to connect with that person. But in the end you have to go out and act or else you keep living in your bubble, separate from the world, which isn't as scary as it may seem. Although it's easier said than done...
There's no doubt that it can be difficult to put yourself out there. But as simple as it sounds, "nothing venture, nothing gained," right? I think gordonz88's saying is perfect, "regret always feels worse than rejection". So true. In rejection there can be a pride in the attempt. You feel brave afterward even if your attempt fails. Regret is one of the saddest words.
I view it a different way actually, in rejection there is closure. If he/she says no, she would've said no no matter what. There's no changing the sequence of events that happened. There's no going back and changing your relationship. Etc. With regret, there's always that gnawing "Would she have said yes?" and the years go by, and that turns into "Damn, I'm sure she would've said yes" etc. etc. and it turns you into a pitiful wreck. I.. I like closure.
existentially, what ike said.
immediately, black widow spiders. Those things are fucking terrifying. Today I learned that I can't think of a good word that means the opposite of what I think existential means.
And also that I might not actually know what existential means.
Most spiders don't bother me unless they're on me unexpectedly. That pretty much goes for any large insect. I don't like them sneaking up on me. But I've come to terms with any spider fear I used to have by having a few music studios in old basements. Spiders come with the territory and we've learned to peacefully coexist. Now... a black widow would be something entirely different.
I'm not particularly fond of any spiders, but female black widows are so freakishly disproportional and move so freakishly and are poisonous. EDIT: And one time when I was smallish I had to move a stack of fenceposts that was full of their webs. And therefore them. With no gloves.
It's funny you mention that. It's been raining here off and on all week. I took out a new umbrella and noticed those familiar and dangerous spokes and thought, "I can't believe this design hasn't changed over the years."
Haha, it really makes you think, huh? I can name a few alternatives off the top of my head: Carbon Fiber: Light and rigid and strong. Hydrophobic Rubber: Like the kind they're using for new "hip" plungers? It could be shaped like those rubber party poppers, like so, that invert when not in use. Reinforced Cardboard/Newspapers: As one of those "trendy" new "recycle" gimmicks, like the Mighty Wallet. Maybe I should become a full time umbrella designer.
Maybe I should become a full time umbrella designer.
-And like that! ...a new captain of industry was born.
Loneliness. Silence. Darkness. I have issues with self-motivation and self-esteem that go away around others since I feel responsible to them, so I'm brave in a group. But walking down the street at night? I try and focus on a brightly lit object and stay away from the sides of buildings. I hate it.
True Silence would definitely be disconcerting. I go back and forth on whether or not I need "quiet". I tend to keep myself active at all times. By "silence", do you mean inaction or a lack of interaction? Or do you really mean that the absence of any sound is something you fear? Because, unless you are in an anechoic chamber, there's always something to listen to.
Failure scares me. That and wasting my time doing pointless things scares me. Mostly what Ike said pretty much mirrors my feelings about life. The fear of those things is what keeps me motivated and on track in my life, but I still worry about it sometimes even though currently I'm fine and secure.
I'm also afraid of swimming to a certain extent - putting my head under water is impossible for me. It makes me feel extremely panicked. I'm also scared of being on things such as swings that are being pushed by another person, of spiders and certain insects, and of my father when he is angry (not that he'd harm me). I'm not as scared of any of these as I used to be, though.
putting my head under water is impossible for me. It makes me feel extremely panicked.
Is this just in lakes/ocean or is it also in pools and even the bath? Did something happen to you when you were on a swing once?
Lakes, oceans, pools and all. I could probably do it in a bath, but I haven't taken an actual bath in years. And no, not that I know of. I just don't like that other people can push me really fast and I can't stop them.
Interesting. Now tell me about zor mozer (in my best austrian accent) edit: that's "your mother".