Holy shit this is amazing. It's like he's doing an impression of Doug Balloon but without realizing he's the target of the parody.

To his great credit, Trump reinvented the G.O.P.

...as archetypal Italian fascism...?

He destroyed the corporate husk of Reaganism and set the party on the path to being a multiracial working-class party.

Which races, exactly? Anglos, Saxons and Protestants? Scots-Irish and Muscovite Slavs?

To his great discredit, he enshrouded this transition in bigotry, buffoonery and corruption.

aaaaaand fascism. Let's not disregard the fascism, shall we?

He ushered in an age of performance politics — an age in which leaders put more emphasis on attention-grabbing postures than on practical change.

Ohhhh I dunno, some of us will never forget Terry Schiavo or the original October Surprise.

The left had its own smaller version of performative populism. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez became a major political figure thanks to her important contributions to Instagram.

The Green New Deal was not a legislative package but a cotton candy media concoction.

...much like the New Deal, except without passing.

Slogans like “Abolish ICE” and “Defund the police” were not practical policies, just cool catchphrases to put on posters.

I have boots older than ICE, that shit could be abolished tomorrow and the world would breathe a sigh of relief. "Defund the Police" should have been "Demilitarize the Police" and you know it and things would have been fine.

That year, after progressives appeared to cost the Democrats several House seats with randy talk of socialism, moderate Democrat Abigail Spanberger roasted the left and was one of those who helped pull the party back toward the center on crime and other issues.

...who? The former spook who won suburban Virginia by 5 points? That I legit had to look up?

Biden rejected the performative style of the populist moment while harnessing some progressive ideas.

LOL you mean the guy who used executive actions to pardon marijuana offenses and relieve student debt by edict?

Performative populism has begun to ebb. Twitter doesn’t have the hold on the media class it had two years ago.

...which is why they've all been completely silent over the past week.

Peak wokeness has passed.

...maybe you made it up

There seem to be fewer cancellations recently, and less intellectual intimidation.

SHOT

I was a skeptic of the Jan. 6 committee at first, but I now recognize it’s played an important cultural role.

CHASER

That committee forced America to look into the abyss, to see the nihilistic violence that lay at the heart of Trumpian populism.

But remember, it's multicultural "Trumpian populism."

The election of 2022 marked the moment when America began to put performative populism behind us.

Yep it certainly wasn't about abortion.

Though the results are partial, and Trump acolytes could still help Republicans control Congress, this election we saw the emergence of an anti-Trump majority.

Because while 4/5ths of the country didn't vote for Trump in 2016, they are also 7-year locusts and it's taken them a while to claw their way out of the sand.

According to a national exit poll, nearly 60 percent of voters said they had an unfavorable view of Trump.

...'cuz it wouldn't be the New York Times if they weren't linking to polls that have been useless for a decade or more.

Almost half of the voters who said they “somewhat disapprove” of Biden as president still voted for Democrats, presumably because they were not going to vote for Trumpianism.

Shit SURE has changed

The single most important result of this election was the triumph of the normies. Establishmentarian, practical leaders who are not always screaming angrily at you did phenomenally well, on right and left: Mike DeWine in Ohio, Josh Shapiro in Pennsylvania. Workmanlike incumbents from John Thune in South Dakota to Ron Wyden in Oregon had successful nights. Gov. Tony Evers of Wisconsin had the quotation that summarized the election: “Boring wins.”

"Here are a list of elected officials nobody is talking about that I can cherry-pick to prove my point."

Americans are still deeply unhappy with the state of the country, but their theory of change seems to have begun to shift. Less histrionic media soap opera. Less existential politics of menace. Let’s find people who can get stuff done.

©2020 David Brooks

The telling election results were at the secretary of state level. The America First Secretary of State Coalition features candidates who rejected the 2020 election results and who would have been a threat to election integrity if they had won Tuesday. Most either lost or seem on their way to losing. Meanwhile, Brad Raffensperger, the secretary of state of Georgia who stood up to Trump’s bullying, won by a wide margin.

Thereby surprising exactly no one except the establishment pundit class and those who still humor them for some reason.

Because Democrats restrained their more extreme tendencies while Republicans didn’t,

I love how "extreme tendencies" on the left is things like healthcare.

On abortion and many other issues, the median voter rule still applies.

Let's elide the fact that 80% of the population agrees with democratic policies so we can ignore who the extremists are, shall we?

To be clear, I am not saying the fever has broken within the minds of those in the MAGA movement.

Oh hell no. Nor will he talk about their numbers or their sources of funding.

I am not saying MAGA Republicans won’t unleash a lot of looniness in the next Congress.

Because then who the hell will you ask diners in Cleveland about?

I am saying voters have built a wall around that movement to make sure it no longer wins the power it once enjoyed.

Bothsides it again, David.

I am saying voters have given Republicans clear marching orders — to do what Democrats did and beat back the populist excesses on their own side.

chef's kiss

There are two large truths I’ll leave you with.

Only two? c'mon David you've got some words left!

The first is that both parties are fundamentally weak.

This is why over half the country wants a third party to vote for yet the Democratic Socialists elected one state office and Libertarians won zero.

The Democrats are weak because they have become the party of the educated elite.

The Democrats are weak because they require a stance against corruption in order to retain their voter base.

The Republicans are weak because of Trump.

The Republicans are weak because they've practiced demagoguery and fascism for long enough that eventually, a fascist demagogue captured the party.

The Republican weakness is easier to expunge.

My favorite quote of this election: "You can turn away from Trump and lose the primary or you can turn towards Trump and lose the general."

If Republicans get rid of Trump, they could become the dominant party in America.

something something active shooter drills something something abortion something something debt something something

Second, the battle to preserve the liberal world order is fully underway.

While populist authoritarianism remains a powerful force worldwide, people, from Kyiv to Kalamazoo, have risen up to push us toward a world in which rules matter, practicality matters, stability and character matter.

No thanks to the New York Times, which is far too busy rewarding pithy phrases like "from Kyiv to Kalamazoo."

As Irving Kristol once wrote, the people in our democracy “are not uncommonly wise, but their experience tends to make them uncommonly sensible.”

Great thing about David Brooks? You always know he's quoting out of context. For one thing, he wasn't writing, he was speaking. For another, he was speaking before the American Enterprise Institute, a group that can be referred to safely as, shall we say, "fans of conservative politics." Finally, he was addressing them on the occasion of the end of mutherfucking communism. This is an arch-conservative thought leader, doing a victory lap in front of his biggest fans, and what did he have to say?

The common people in such a democracy are not uncommonly wise, but their experience tends to make them uncommonly ­sensible. They learn their economics by taking out a mortgage, they learn their politics by watching the local school board in action, and they learn the impossibility of "social engineering" by trying to raise their children to be decent human beings. These people are the bedrock of bourgeois capitalism, and it is on this rock that our modern democracies have been built.

But a society needs more than sensible men and women if it is to prosper: It needs the energies of the creative imagination as expressed in religion and the arts. It is crucial to the lives of all our citizens, as it is to all human beings at all times, that they encounter a world that possesses a transcendent meaning, in which the human experience makes sense. Nothing is more dehumanizing, more certain to generate a crisis, than experiencing one's life as a meaningless event in a meaningless world.

The whole piece is worth worth reading. It's an old-school conservative saying "let's be careful of our victory laps." This lolbrooks drivel? This is an old-school conservative saying "we're still relevant." The former is thought-provoking. The latter is a lie.

https://www.discogs.com/user/broganator/collection?sort_by=median&facets=folder%255D%253A%255BThe%2520Rolling%2520Stones%2520Collection

I've had a kickass year.

Tomorrow I have 3 back-to-back interviews for a position I really want and have been encouraged to apply for from almost every angle.

I'll find out if I get it within another week.

Sounds like a number of people have applied. Sounds like, regardless of my encouragement, that competition will be real -- even if I am the favorite of the hiring manager(s) (which is an IF, not a CERTAIN) I can't fuck around on this; I gotta keep bringing it.

I had a good long talk with my sister last night. One thing we touched on was how I've been trying to change my life over the past year. She told me, "it's like you went to a therapist, except you just did it yourself." I showed her my gratitude journal and talked about how making minimal steps, minimal requirements to achievement, got me so far it was perceivable with a year's distance.

29, and nearly 30, and I think finally basically have come to terms with the last serious break-up. It took two years of thought and effort besides. I'm going on dates now. I have one I'm really excited about on Sunday, actually. Even my sister thinks he's cute. We don't have each other's numbers -- I told him I'd meet him to watch the Dallas/Eagles rivalry game go down, at the same pub where we met earlier this week when a friend of mine turned wingman. I found him on facebook, though, and I know his full name. I know how he feels about guns (when asked if he was carrying in the bar, he reacted with the very appropriate and appreciated shocked face -- yes, we have confirmed, it appears this one is sane). And various random other stuff besides.

There's a temptation to only reward oneself when there's a tangible success you can pin on it. "I can buy whatever I want with my bonus" or "I got a raise so I deserve a big fancy dinner" or "I'm promoted so I can really party wild" or "I lost 20 pounds so I can buy whatever clothes I want" or etc etc. While in the big picture I support the idea that rewards should be merited...

I f*n love the Rolling Stones. And I've wanted to see them for years. And pretty soon, at least one of them is going to die. And regardless of whether I get that job or not, of whether I get that promotion this year or not, of whether I lose those last 5 pounds before 2019 or not...I have worked hard this year. I have changed so much, most importantly my mentality. I've grown a sense of ownership and accountability and responsibility for myself, like I finally understand I can control my actions. Most if not all of them.

I don't need to achieve a specific, not-entirely-within-my-control goalpost to deserve these tickets. I deserve to treat myself with love and kindness and I deserve this crazy, ridiculous, over-the-top, once in a lifetime reward. I've got two tickets that cost more than discogs appraises my whole Stones collections at (well, on average at least). I don't need to know who's coming with me. All I need to know is, whoever I ask, they're out of their goddamn fucking mind if they don't feed blessed and immediately agree to accompany me.

Fuck yeah, rolling stones. When else am I going to see them. They ain't getting any goddamn younger.

"Hey, live feed. Active shooter in Texas."

"Where?"

"Santa Fe."

"Isn't that outside Dallas?"

"I dunno."

"Just another example of the government not doing their job."

And then we called attendance.

________________________________________________________________

When I went to college 20 years ago, there were signs up about what to do in the event of a fire. This time? There is no room, hallway or bathroom without an 11x17 placard telling me what to do in case some fucking nutbag with an AR-15 decides to kill me.

We keep hearing "it'll never happen here" and statistically they're right but fuckin' hell, a buddy's daughter lost a friend in a school shooting so statistics or no, that is FAR too few degrees of separation between a statistical fluke and me and my loved ones. You know what I grew up with? I grew up with a constant back-of-the-mind fear that the Russians would get itchy and we'd end up as mohawk-wearing dogfood eaters on the edge of the Great Nuclear Desert.

Forty years. Strangelove, Failsafe, Wargames, Day After, Threads, Road Warrior, the Russians would eventually blow us up. It left an indelible mark on culture and fuckin' hell if the 'boomers didn't wallow in that shit like it was sausage gravy. If you were a kid? You just knew that between AIDS and Andropov there was no fuckin' point in planning for the future.

"I've always felt like eventually it was going to happen here too."

By the time I graduated high school most of the fallout shelter signs had come down because it had just been accepted that there was fuckall that could be done. It feels like we're getting there with school shootings. But while the 'boomers made sure the whole fucking culture understood that death was coming from Ivan the Terrible, everyone is fucking ignoring the fact that we've raised an entire generation to expect one of their classmates to turn an assault rifle on them sometime.

Friend visiting from Fresno. She's talking about the junior soccer league there. Apparently there was a barbecue and one parent got into a fight with another parent and pulled a gun on him. AT A BARBECUE. Which meant there had to be a meeting. About whether concealed carry was okay at soccer league functions. One faction argued - in all seriousness - "that it just isn't a party until the guns come out." And we have to humor that. Because that's the culture. But if anybody said "it just isn't a party until the tits come out" it'd be national fucking news and someone would be required counseling before they were allowed to work in an occupation around children ever again.

I'd rather my kid be around tits.

When I was in high school I had ready access to weapons. Went plinkin' multiple times a week sometimes. Friends of mine got in an armed standoff because someone made someone else mad. Nobody died. I used to fantasize about walking into a classroom with an AR-15 loaded with blanks to shoot at the ceiling. Never did. (1) I knew there would be dire consequences (2) I cared.

I think the caring part has decreased. When the Russians were going to kill us all, it was about fearing a natural disaster, basically. Nothing we could do. Active shooter shit? If you're at the end of your goddamn rope, and you have no real concept of mortality because you're seven-fucking-teen years old, the choice between popper and poppee is a moral one. And in these here United States, you aren't allowed to say "If you have a fatalistic attraction to tools designed to kill multiple people at once and minimal affinity for socialization and thriving, you are sick and we need to help you." Because if you love guns, you're a True American and if you think there should be not just access controls but oh, I dunno, maybe a concerted effort to disrupt a culture that values the tools of military aggression in the hands of civilian sportsmen... well, you don't understand, you're wrong, and I'm a responsible gun owner why are you punishing me?

It was just as easy to get guns 20 years ago as it is now. By any measure, the murder rate has gone down while the gun ownership rate has gone up. You are much less likely to die by gunfire now than you were then.

But back then, you were a lot less likely to die out of the goddamn blue, for no goddamn reason, by gunfire.

The NRA aren't terrorists. Gun owners aren't terrorists. Gun rights advocates aren't terrorists. But every mass shooter is a terrorist and our country has a hobby that is the proximate cause of terrorism.

Most people will never face a mass shooting. But every school student in America has to prepare for them as if they are, and they have to face the reality that we'd rather they memorize "run, hide, fight" instead of "stop, drop & roll" because a splinter fraction of the populace is concerned that if they give an inch, we'll take a mile and the next thing they know they'll be in fucking FEMA camps.

She was Serbian. She'd lost two houses in the war. Her neighbors had firebombed her house in the country and burned it to the ground. Then NATO had bombed her city and leveled her condo. I asked her which was worse. "The country," she said. "Carpet bombing you don't have to take personally."

The entire country arranged its culture around eventual, impersonal armageddon at the hands of unseen Soviet aggressors. Yet that same generation is perfectly okay with kids wondering which one of their classmates might shoot them in the face some day.

When the Run-Fight-Hide generation is tasked with taking care of the Duck'n'Cover generation, I wonder what they'll do.

I wonder if despite all their triumphs, they'll end up eating alpo on the edge of the desert.

And it takes every inch of my generosity to not wish for it earnestly.

“This is what it’s like” says your instructor, watching you carefully for mistakes

        Training you on bandages, splints, and the cruel rhythm of chest compressions
        Teaching you what kills right away, and what takes a while longer.
        Telling you that sometimes all you can do is hold a hand and say something kind.

“This is what it’s like” says your crew chief, pulling you up into the ambulance.

        Showing you streets, the bad stretches of interstates, the homes of frequent fliers. 
        Reminding you to check pockets for knives and arms for track marks. 
        Relaying experience’s thousand little lessons, unteachable in the classroom. 

“This is what it’s like” say your patients, pointing to where it hurts.

        Screaming with pain, clutching an extremity turned the wrong way. 
        Groaning and sweating, grabbing at their chest saying it’s just like the last one. 
        Lying still and silent, unknowingly trusting a stranger with everything.

“This is what it’s like” says your gear, speaking in clicks, beeps and error messages.

        The defibrillator whines its way up to 300 joules, saying it’ll try but no promises. 
        The ambulance growls, bouncing and rattling over potholes as you try to start an IV
        The BVM whooshes, fighting to push breath into a ruined airway.

“This is what it’s like” says the nick in your shears, bearing witness.

        Reminding you of that one, the one no one could have saved. 
        Pulling you back into the dirt and blood of the scene, unbidden. 
        Making you feel old, far older than you should be by now.

“This is what it’s like” says the calendar, slowly passing time

        Marking out your shifts, 12-hour gambles on what’ll come your way. 
        Quietly telling you it’s almost time to renew your license again.
        Studded with anniversaries you’d prefer not to remember, but can’t quite forget.

“This is what it’s like” you say to the newbies, watching them carefully for mistakes

        Training them on bandages, splints, and the cruel rhythm of chest compressions
        Teaching them what kills right away, and what takes a while longer.
        Telling them that sometimes all you can do is hold a hand and say something kind.

I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those posts of mine that will ruffle some feathers. Let's make one thing clear: I've tried to put aside my own bias, pretty much failed at it but I am leaving it to show where I'm coming from. I'm only interested in the answer. That's it. It's not intended to be personal. Cool? Thanks.

He came into the program as a multi-dimensional, highly skilled and multi-talented human being. I can't take any credit.

and this thing from IRC on the 20th November 2016:

22:32 < lilski> I said earlier that I teach computer science students - but I basically teach them how to be human beings

What does it actually mean? Sorry for being peevish about it, but as someone who is focused on hard sciences and getting patronising treatment from most humanities-oriented people around me ever since I can remember, I can't help but resent some of this attitude (don't blame me, blame multiple people who told me verbatim that I must lack a soul to not appreciate some poem or picture :/). I've read a lot of your posts, many of the ones you've posted before I found Hubski and ones posted since then, but I'm at loss about what you actually do in class. What is the thing that your students lack and how does acquiring it make them into 'human beings'? What's about your students that your aim is to make them into those 'multidimensional human beings'? Sorry, but I simply loathe when in my own life the, supposedly, attuned to humanity people just throw me into some easy 'cog-head' category and go forth with their pre-existing assumption. I'm not angry or resentful specifically toward you, lil, but I'm asking because so far you have proven that you will not just dismiss my questions outright with something along the lines of "you will not understand, untermensh".

Aside from that, I agree with Odder. I had only one such interview so far and it was just… baffling. The guy who was interviewing me seemed to be thrown out of the loop when I didn't answer with some cliche line from a tutorial on interviews. Suffices to say that I ended up working in a bookstore as a clerk afterwards.

Thanks for the inspiration lil. Anyone, feel free to add to this: rezzeJ, steve, flac, coffeesp00ns, zebra2

Don't give advice to poets

They'll be living in your house

Before you know it

They'll be sharing your bed

They'll be filling your head

With some nonsense about wind

Don't give advice to poets

They'll leave you with no words left

And you'll know it when you can't say your own name

For fear that its a lame expression of your "truth"

They're all imagery and meter

She'll look cute but you don't need her

She'll start wearing your clothes

And swear that they're all hers

(she'll take your pets her clerics)

Don't give advice to (no) poets

Whale, whale, whale - another dang ol' shirt. Cozy cheap flannel, no major construction errors.

I've been buying a lot of women's sweaters from thrift stores and re-tailoring them. Definitely need some new buttons for this one.

Made a friend from the scraps, his name is Whaleiam. Free pattern (in German) is here if anybody is interested.

Life is pretty good, my boyfriend is coming to Chicago this weekend. Gonna go to some museums, the aquarium, a drag show, the usual.

Im going to be competiting in the National Poetry Slam next week in Decatur, GA. It will be my first time competiting at Nats and I'm excited.

Here is a poem I did in June:

mike built a dome.

dccrux wrote some "metal haikus"

I wrote a song.

you can sing along:

HAIKU METAL NOW

METAL HAIKU ALL OF NOW

THE THIS THE HAPPENS

.

HAIKU METAL NOW

TRANSCENDS INDIVIDUALS

MUST BE FOR THE ALL

.

HAIKU METAL NOW

I THINK WE ARE DESTINED TO

DO THIS FOREVER

.

THE NORWEGIAN DOME

BLACK METAL MATHEMATICS

SO INSPIRING

.

HAIKU METAL NOW

METAL HAIKU ALL OF NOW

THE THIS THE HAPPENS

.

HAIKU METAL NOW

TRANSCENDS INDIVIDUALS

MUST BE FOR THE ALL

.

HAIKU METAL NOW

HAIKU METAL NOW

HAIKU METAL NOW

It's funny I should read this where I was, I was in a public restaurant on wifi and all of the sudden the couple next to me started discussing Trump, and why the guy was going to vote for him! I took notes, not to be a dirty little spy but he was in a public place saying stupid things that were relevant to this discussion. She was against Trump, so it was an interesting discussion. She also said that he wasn't doing anything "wrong", though.

Anyway, the arguments he made, mixed with some of her comments and my own in italics (less of those since they are slightly off-topic):

- Trump does not tiptoe around any issue and just says what's on his mind, and what's on everyone else's mind. Her rebuttal was that it's a form of inducement, that he doesn't in fact say what's on everyone's mind but tells you what should be on your mind so you think it's what is on your mind.

- Trump doesn't talk like a politician, and for people who are sick of politicians, this is appealing. My rebuttal to this is that he's the most snakey politician that's using the most manipulative politician tactics around, just bringing it into the modern age. He's brought IT usability principles into politics, and lowers the barrier for entering the political debate by talking at a 5th grade level.

- Trump doesn't use talking points, he doesn't use a teleprompter, etc, and the other politicians don't know how to handle this in debates, so it makes politicians look bad. He's making politician's look like assholes, which they are, so he must be doing something right and he'll likely bring that power to the executive branch by cutting through the political bullshit.

- Trump isn't racist, he just says things that are edgy and it plays into people's racist fears. Which she shot back with was essentially the same thing as racism.

- Trump's main points of growing the economy and military are the two things that will make America great again since we are in an economic and military crisis. There is a perceived fear and a perceived threat felt by some Americans even today from ISIS, as if they are in direct danger from ISIS or that an increased military could even impact this. Unfortunately, everyone thinks that Obama is pro-terrorism for some reason since he hasn't taken out ISIS, but the point of ISIS' terrorism is that it is an idea now instead of a real network like Al Qaeda was. They have their self-proclaimed caliphate, but the only threat we have locally is crazy people agreeing with them and acting on their own accord with no direct ties to the caliphate itself. This can happen for the extreme views of any political, religious, or opinionated topic.

- People don't know what fascism means, fascism is a system of government and not an individual. Mostly true, but it's also a word to describe a person who subscribes to fascist ideals. Kind of like communists vs. communism. I'd also point out that saying "my choice of a candidate isn't a fascist!" isn't really a good campaign slogan.

- People keep comparing Trump to 1940s Hitler, he's more like 1920s Hitler. He is addressing and embodying the desires of the people much like Hitler started out, but he will go a different path. He's just using the same tactics to gain power that Hitler did. I really don't know what to say to this one....

- If he decides to do something fascist, the system will prevent him anyway so it's okay if he wants to be like that. Time and time again this has been proven to be a stupid assumption. The government always has gained more and more power, and the executive branch is already exceedingly powerful. There is plenty he can do as president without passing laws....

- Cruz and Rubio are for loyal republicans sticking to their same ideas and are the status quo for politicians, therefore Trump is a good candidate. Lack of sound conclusion jumping there, just because all the other candidates suck, doesn't mean that the last one is good.

- The Tea Party endorses him, and the Tea Party is trying to properly fix this country. Every ideal that the Tea Party started out with has been completely squashed and has nothing to do with what they actually care about now. Most of their small government rhetoric is immediately followed by a policy involving the increasing of the government.

--

Another point is that most people in the US nowadays get their news and the articles they read almost exclusively from Facebook suggestions. After you click one link on one topic, you end up getting marked as someone that would click that type of topic, and the learning algorithms adjust and conform your Facebook feeds to fit you. Since everyone is talking about Trump, the media keeps publishing and covering his candidacy pretty much 24x7 at this point, even if they say he is a "bad" candidate people start to click more and more links about him and get drowned in Trump stories in their Facebook feed. Remember the saying "there's no such thing as bad publicity"? Well, in this case it's true. If there's really that many stories about him, that much information about him, and that much coverage, people start to take him more seriously as a candidate without even needing to research their policies.

I remember myself when I was in junior high school, way before I was really politically aware of a lot of things, I supported a candidate exclusively based on groupthink. You see two polarized sides form and you pick a side. It's one of the biggest issues in this country and if you aren't aware of the effects of the extreme polarization of every issue in our country at the moment (just think of the media, you are either "for" or "against" an issue, never "it's more complicated than that" else you get kicked off the show forever). Everything is about debate for debate sake, without actually logically analyzing the situation and taking it as seriously. People jump to conclusions very rapidly since attention spans are short and peer pressure to be a part of a group is high.

This is why I do not really talk to anyone anymore if I can't help it. I feel that being my own person is something that requires me to isolate myself, and I watch as people form illogical groups and stop attempting to learn new things. I watch coworkers and friends fail to even gain any ground in their level of knowledge or skills in the workplace or life because they are focused more on their social status and their Facebook feeds than attempting anything of any challenge. Some of this is due to the human desire to be recognized or be a part of something that matters or is just historic, regardless of what it is, and their feeling that they cannot do this alone. This is much much harder to do nowadays since the population is simply so vast.

There's obviously no way to get what wasn't said in this instance but I'll try to give an impression of the emotional state from a bipolar II and anxiaty perspective.

Imagine yourself standing in chest high water and being hit by a breaking wave. You're knocked off of your feet and are being whirled around by a chaos of microcurrents. All you see is sand kicked up by the wave, it's unclear where up and down is yet as your inner ear is as chaotic as the water around you. You hit the bottom a few times but you lose it's direction along with contact.

You are probably in no danger, you've been hit by waves before with similar results. But you don't feel safe at the moment, your sensory input makes is mostly noise and your instincts tell you to go for air right now, even tbough you have plenty, but you don't know where to go. You're not exactly out of control of the situation but you're most certainly not in control either. Knowing that helps you little.

In the middke if this you realize that your mom is worried about you. You were going to leave her a note about a dozen waves ago but the waves were calm for a while and you were just enjoying the sun and the breeze and you didn't get around to it. You could wait for another lull but what are the chances of that happening when you need it. With luck you will catch a breath without inhaling water before the nezt one hits. The waves always get bigger, or so it seems.

You whip out your whiteboard and underwater marker. You're holding it remarkably steady for being justled around in murky water, this is good, at least something is going right today. And then you realize you mumble when you're trying to figure out how to clearly put down your murky and tumbling thoughts. After some mouthfulls of water and some panicked flailing you change your plan of attack, as much as it is possible to formulate a plan in your current state. Draw your situation...

.Well, that certainly is appropriately chaotic. Whatever it is. Another person being jostled around by a wave might be able to get the gist, if not the specifics, of it. You think. Squinting at the picture you're not entirely sure what, if anything, you were thinking. Maybe just write down exactly what you are thinking, no composatory mumbling -- no drowning sensation.

You proceed with that. A few disorienting headbumps later you finish blinking out the sand that snuck into your eyes halfway through writing and read it over. It vaguely resembles the kind of thing a person would write while their head is playing bongo witb the ocean floor. No one could possibly understand what this garbage means. It makes no sense even to yourself and you know what yiu were trying to say. Why does it always go this way? What are you doing wrong? Why can't you even do something as simple as this?

I'm sorry if this didn't make any sense.

I see where you're coming from and to an extent I agree. The thing is though, the responsibility of success for an individual worker falls on that individual. However, the responsibility of success for a team falls on the supervisor.

Let's say you and I work in a factory. Let's say you're a new hire and I am a floor supervisor. As a floor supervisor, it's my responsibility to make sure the whole production line moves smoothly. As a new hire, it's your responsibility to assume the role of Workman One. Workman One's role is pretty straight forward. It is your job to put Rod A into Slot B to create Unit 1. It's important that you do such proficiently, so Workman Two can put Unit 1 with Unit 2 to make construct A.

You, as Workman One, have three main purposes that can be broken down as such . . .

1) Put Rod A into Slot B as quickly and efficiently as possible without error to produce as many Unit 1s as possible in a given amount of time.

2) Understand the how Rod A and Slot B as individual pieces function, so that you may understand the final purpose of Unit 1. Knowing these, you will know how to best put together a proper and functional final product.

3) Understand Unit 1's relationship with Unit 2. Properly understanding how all of these components work together once again goes towards creating a proper and functional final product.

Now, let's say for some reason you have trouble putting Rod A into Slot B. That's okay. You're new. We're in this together. It now falls onto my shoulders that you understand your role on our team so that we can not only create a working product but also save time and minimize waste. There are many ways I can do such a thing and I will employ as many as possible. I will do everything from coaching you on your specific job to make sure you understand your individual role to partnering you with your other team members so you can see how your job and their jobs rely on each other.

Let's keep in mind this whole time though that I chose you. I see that there is value in you as an individual that makes me want you on my team. Not only that, but we've already gone through all of the initial training. At this point, you are a vested interest. As a result, your success as an individual on my team is not only your problem, but mine as well. By taking you onto my team, your success as a team member becomes my responsibility.

So let's say that you continue to struggle. When my supervisor comes to me at the end of the week to talk about my numbers, he will bring up your area of production. He will say something to the effect of "rd95, why is bfv under performing?" On the surface, it sounds very simple. What it actually is though, is a very chilling statement. What my supervisor is asking is less "Why is your team member falling short" and more "Why, as a supervisor, are you allowing your team member to fall short." You, awesome guy that you are, will be in a little bit of trouble. Me though, as a supervisor, will be in a lot of trouble, because I as an team leader have failed to take initiative to solve a problem that affects my team as a whole.

There are a lot of things I, as a supervisor, can do. All of which has positives and negatives behind them. I can keep you in your current role hoping you pick up on it in a week or so, but in the mean time I risk the loss of material. Purchasing hates that. I could have you retrained for a different role, but as a result we're now spending time and resources on a retraining. HR hates that. I could also recommend to my supervisor to have you let go altogether, but despite your failings, everyone on the team adores you, and they'll hate me for that, building friction between me and them as a supervisor.

If that seems overwhelming, cause it is, keep in mind that's one tiny facet as a supervisor. We have to maintain everything from scheduling to variable cost control to team moral. Your decisions as an individual affect only you. My decisions as a team leader? They affect everyone.

Though I have to say, judging you as an individual, if we ever found ourselves working together, I think I'd bank on you. ;)

Facing it is realizing that if you don't change, neither will your circumstances.

Facing it is forgiving others but most importantly, yourself.

Facing it is recognizing that the clock is ticking.

Facing it is realizing that we are often programmed to push-away the things that bring us the most joy.

Facing it is folding your laundry and fixing the sink

A significant percentage of people here identify as feminists or, ynno, are female. Or Black, or LGBT, or whatever. Hubski is a place generally free from Men's rights activists or Gamergaters or Stormfront brigades or much of the rest. It's a popular opinion here that organizations devoted to being "anti-SJW" end up as vectors of hate. Isn't it funny how you're using "social justice" as an insult, a term that represents equality between genders, sexualities, and races?

Free speech is the right to say what you want, not the right to be free from criticism. More to the point, it's the right to say what you want and not being censored by the government, not private individuals or websites. Calling "free speech!" as a defence is saying that the good thing about your argument is that it's technically not illegal to express. That argument is mocked because it doesn't make sense.

All that doesn't mean you can't stay. But you shouldn't expect a MRA circlejerk, and you shouldn't expect to be able to pass without a good argument.