If you're willing to share these fears and thoughts in an open setting then perhaps you are willing to acknowledge that with experience comes valuable perspective. I'm 36 years old. That's right, I'm old, literally twice your age. -Damn, that's messed up. You say in your comment that you are a leach on your parents. Dude, you are 18. You are supposed to be a leach on your parents. You are supposed to not know what you want to do or have any skills. Anybody that says otherwise is full of shit. Also, I have another bit of information that the guidance counselors won't tell you.. the kids that have it together at 18, fall apart at 30. It's true. If I were to look at the happiest, most successful people from my graduating high school class, it isn't the people you would have thought it would be. Sometimes it is, but even those people change majors, careers etc. Point is, judging where your life is going based on where you are at 18 is like watching the beginning scenes of the Godfather and saying, "that Michael is going to have a nice quiet life with his girlfriend Kay." -We all know Michaels life takes some different turns. I barely graduated from high school, dropped out of college and had no idea where I was headed. At 26 I was basically a waiter and was recently dumped by a long time girlfriend. Eventually I went back to school, married a gorgeous and brilliant woman, started a band and released two full-length albums and now I have a career that provides handsomely for my family. I really didn't do any of that till after I was 27. It took me a while. It should take a while. Try and enjoy being a broke 18 year old, it's what you should be. It's being a broke 40 year old that will suck. mk's advice below is good. Get that GED and see where life takes you. But don't for a minute think you should have anything figured out. You shouldn't. One last tid-bit. Best conversation I've ever had with my dad: Me: Dad, at what age did you finally feel like an adult Dad: When I find out, I'll tell you. P.S. To obviate your worries, just realize that everyone at 18 is just as confused as you are. Take comfort in that.
It's just... my whole life everyone told me i was this genius super child who was going to do great things, and i guess i caved under the pressure. I can't study, because paying attention to things kills me. That means i can't pass uni. If i can't pass uni, or even high school, how can i possibly get a career going? It's not like a have any practical skills. I mean the only skill i really have is thinking about things most people don't seem to care about, like why trees are slightly less narcissistic than flowers, and other bullshit that isn't going to get me anywhere.
My Media Studies/English teacher from a year or so back is a good friend of mine now. He wrote this, an article about careers and guidance and the like - it's long, but well worth a read. He recently went around to the people from his graduating class in high school and asked what they were doing, what they had done. The variation was fascinating - some kids who were doing fantastically in school found themselves falling apart at university (I'm finding this myself). Some of them did fine, but all of a sudden found themselves not getting the grades they needed for the course they (or their parents) wanted them to take. One dude dropped out of high school early and is now one of the top lawyers for the Crown here. The most memorable story, I think, was a friend of his who never did anything for more than a year - fifteen years in a row. He kept taking new opportunities, crashed on couches, hitchhiked around, and is now, after a whole string of experiences, is back in this city determined to do something just as unlikely as he's ever done (something like start up a production company). He's happy. He has enough money to live off. Sure, he may not contribute to society, but he's content, and to me that seems like enough. I'm the same age as you. I get the feeling we've had similar lives - I was placed in advanced classes every year, got a couple of scholarships upon leaving high school last year, and on the spur of the moment decided to go for a Bachelor of Fine Arts (alongside another Arts degree). I never studied in high school. I haven't studied so far this year in uni. I'm doing okay - but just okay. Barely passed a Classical studies paper last semester - purely by luck and managing to bullshit an essay in the exam. I had a deadline for Fine Arts yesterday, the work for which I mostly did the day before, and I have another tomorrow - the work for which I doubt I'll even finish. I've dealt with multiple bouts of depression over the years, it neer really going away, but rather letting up. I've seen doctors and therapists, none of them really helping. I often have days where I can't drag myself out of bed. If it weren't for deadlines, I wouldn't even write any more - the book I'm currently working on is about five thousand words long after eight months of work. I need a B average to keep my conjoint degree, something that isn't likely. I'm struggling with the work and focussing, but I'm enjoying it, and that's something I've always valued. I'm not at university to get a degree. I'm not here to one day contribute to society. I'm here to learn, because I've always loved doing it. Basically, I don't know what I'm doing either. I'm not really contributing in that much of a meaningful way - I'm on the benefit, have already racked up about $3k in student debt after 2 semesters. I don't work, aside from some volunteer stuff at a radio station and a magazine. The degrees I'm working toward don't hold the promise of much work. So I avoid the question of what I'm going to do in the future, how I'm going to contribute. It may seem self-centred, but I think about myself and whether I'm enjoying what I'm doing, whether I could be doing something better. I'm eighteen. We're eighteen. We can do that. For now, we have that liberty. I intend to make the most of it while I can.
Expectation can be such a weight, especially when it is coming from others and not yourself. There is a lot of good advice in this thread. Maybe _refugee_ is right and adderall could really help. It did wonders for my brother. He was also the kid that couldn't concentrate but had a "lot of potential." He was always meandering about, head in the clouds. Now he still meanders, but with more focus. Also, trees are pretty narcissistic come autumn. Look at me, with my colorful leaves that I'm about to exfoliate to the earth so you humans have to rake them up. -Damn trees! :)
In such a sense, i like to refer to trees as the poets of the plant-life world, in that they are overly-dramatic and turn the smallest of issues into a complete farce of attention seeking. I feel also, that they deserve such a show less so than flowers, because in Autumn a tree wilts only until spring, but a flower will die, and yet flowers, while highly self-absorbed, do retain an air of dignity and grace as they die. A major issue with this entire concept though is that one feels inherently wrong to criticise trees, as they are so very loving and soft most of the year round, providing shade and free hugs and often fruit.
Hey! I think humanodon and I would disagree with this! > the poets of the plant-life world, in that they are overly-dramatic and turn the smallest of issues into a complete farce of attention seeking. You should check out the #poetry tag on hubski. It's not like that at all :) Poetry is not about attention-seeking any more than any other form of writing, or art, is. Sounds like you've met some dramatic attention-seeking people who happened to be poets, or posing as poets, and it left a bad taste in your mouth...but trust me. We're not all like that and the best of us are not like that at all. In a world where poetry is constantly rejected, you can't turn small issues into attention-seeking, because the small issues (like getting rejected, over and over again - I've had 10 poems rejected probably 12 times this year) happen all the time.
_refugee_ i did not mean to offend, i follow #poetry and i LOVE poetry, i was basing their behaviour on the stereotypical poet as seen in the eyes of the macho, school dropout sports fan character. Again, i apologise for the confusion. I in fact write a rather lot of poetry, despite being utterly apocalyptic at it.
I do disagree. I think that due to many people's inexperience and general lack of familiarity with contemporary poetry and poets, they tend to default to tropes they are familiar with, namely minstrels from the Middle Ages and of course, Shakespeare. Being a poet is pretty tough. Like _refugee_ mentioned, rejection is par for the course and then there's the obstacle of reaching an audience that is not comprised solely of other poets and "literati" types (shudder). Getting better at writing poetry takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work as well as a lot more backbone and spirit than people tend to think.
There was a similar discussion the other day about Disney films seemingly valuing native ability over hard work. We have a misconception that you either have it or you don't. I think that talent counts, but that it means nothing without good old fashioned elbow grease. This is true of poetry, sports or anything that is an acquired skill. We watch Tiger Woods hit unreal shots and chalk it up to god given ability, but we don't watch him hitting the same shot 1000x per week in practice. When all we are privy to is the end result, we lose a lot of what makes the end result so special.
I like that phrase, "native ability" better than "talent." "Talent" has a lot of baggage and from what I've seen, you're right in your observation that people tend to view talent either 100% or 0%. I have seen a lot of people, including my own classmates from grade school and some of my students suffering from this kind of mentality. SeventhProphet illustrated it well in this statement: Now, I have personal experience with this as well, but in the end, how does this "everyone" know what a "genius super child" is vs. a kid with a bit of talent and intelligence? Heck, the people saying those things might even be pretty dumb. Today, it's pretty common for people to be use hyperbole for relatively common things, as illustrated in this Louis CK bit. I really think that when people say these things about kids, it creates this expectation of wild success that simply can't be lived up to. To better see what I mean, check out these two articles, one from the New York Times Sunday Magazine about how kids handle pressure, and one from the New Yorker about the perils of praising kids too much.It's just... my whole life everyone told me i was this genius super child who was going to do great things, and i guess i caved under the pressure.
My sister-in-law is Japanese, and she and my brother have a toddler and are due to have another baby in a few weeks. I know that she is very worried about how Americans tend to raise children vis-a-vis praise. We all fawn over her daughter ("you're so cute!", "You're so smart!", etc), while she always tells us that we're going to give her a complex. Apparently, in Japan it's much more common to teach children discipline than to give them a reach around for basically every little thing they do. It's a good thought, but on the other hand, how do you not fawn over this:
Very cute. Every time my wife tells my daughter how beautiful she is or how pretty she is, I always try to counter with one of the following: and kind, smart, funny etc. I don't want her to think the most important attribute is how she looks. But it is hard not to be smitten with their adborableness.
Funny thing, I was raised by a mother who told all my relatives not to compliment me on my appearance because she didn't want me to value looks. This is not the way to go. (I think you mixing it up is a better/the best approach.) Unfortunately when you tell someone not to comment on looks, this usually twists into "don't compliment them on their looks, but you can call them out if you think they are scruffy/overweight/unkempt etc." Hello, complexes... ;) All better now, no worries.
I NEVER want to focus on "weight" but I do want to always focus on health. Being inactive will not be tolerated in our house. Life's too short. Keep in mind that I consider writing, playing music, playing tennis, running, painting etc all "activities" worth pursuing. It's funny how you don't know what your child will end up like. You essentially have till they are about 7 years old to shape their path -Watch this.
I asked my parents if having kids was like, a cool little biological experiment where you get to mix your genes and then watch how they express in your kids. Like if you get to watch your kids and see your mannerisms in them, etc. My parents said, "No, not really." Haha.
. . . yeah, that's kryptonite. I have encountered a lot of literature detailing the kinds of pressure that some Japanese students face and it seems once again that people have gravitated to extremes: in the West, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE A GENIUS" vs. in the East, "OH MY GOD, YOU'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH." There has to be a range that works at least a little bit better, I hope.