On Sunday I hiked to the summit of Basin Mountain. It's a 17.6 mile hike, round trip. The trail was nice and firm for seven miles, and then for the next 1.8 miles I didn't see a single sign of a human passing that way. I suspect nobody had for maybe two weeks. There was about 18-24" of uncompressed snow. Naturally on the return I only saw my own tracks. I'm still a little sore. It was brutal, and I fucking did it. I think I covered that 1.8 miles in nearly four hours, less than half a mile an hour. It took me 7.5 hours to make the summit and almost six hours to get down. I think I got a little frostbite on my thumbs. I didn't feel cold until the sun was down. My mittens had gotten a little wet, and they started to freeze. I was down all the steep parts, so having little grip wasn't too bad. And my mittens were frozen in the shape to hold something, so that was good.
Cowl for my beau. Been knitting like a madman to get christmas presents done, will upload more later. Going home soon, looking forward to a bit of snow and the inevitable viewing of the Muppets Christmas Carol. EDIT: Family presents. Hat for sister, tie for brother, socks for mom, mittens for dad.
Muppets Christmas Carol is my favorite Christmas movie. I like the simple sincerity of goofy Muppets.
Cowl, is that how those are called? I would just call them scarfs, or 'a slice of Christmas sweater'. Really cool that you did those patterns, that doesn't look easy. I got myself a Buffwear neckwarmer for these cold winter days in on-fire-orange. Kinda makes me look like a hooligan, but I think it looks awesome.
I'm half-way to completing my goal of meditating every day for a year. Speaking of which, Frankie Boyle had a funny bit about meditation in his latest stand-up: "I'm having all these terrible problems with my thoughts." "Yeah, what you need to do is go and sit over there and be very, very quiet for an incredibly long period of time. It takes a really long time to get this right. Concentrate on your breath, rather than your talking... In fact... GO TO CHINA, SIT OUT ON A MOUNTAIN, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP OVER THERE! I've also been getting Piano lessons which i'm enjoying. That's about it in terms of updates. Life continues on a steady path.
I think meditation is just something we came up with to get rid of people that are annoying us:
I keep expecting something from meditation, which keeps me from doing it regularly. Can I ask if anything has changed for you after half a year?
My first experience with meditation was around 3 years ago. At that time I was dealing with a lot of anxiety. During one session, after around 5 months, I had an 'epiphany' which did a lot to help me deal with those thoughts and feelings. That's the sort of thing you can point to and say: "meditation was a catalyst for a significant change in my life." I hadn't practiced for a year or more before starting this goal. There's been no changes quite so radical this time around. I attribute this to me being a more adjusted person overall than last time. Having said that, there are a few things I've noticed over the last 6 months: 1 - I'm better at letting go of things and changing frames of mind quickly. For example, say I was doing focused work or getting worked up whilst playing game. If I then suddenly had to go out or change activity for whatever reason, I can now do that without much bother. Whereas before, mindsets and emotions would've often carried over. Like a flick of a switch, you could say. 2 - I can more easily handle distractions whilst working. It's easier to catch myself before I carried away from whatever I want to focus on. 3 - I'm much more content with act of meditating itself. I still have 'good' and 'bad' days, days where the mind is restless or where I just don't feel like doing it. But once I actually start, I can sit there contently without much resistance to the practice itself. I didn't expect any of this though. I did the practice for its own sake, because I enjoy it and appreciate how I feel afterwards. Ideally, you shouldn't expect anything from mindfulness meditation. The goal is to sit there and observer your thoughts and feelings as they unfold, without judgement. There's nothing else to it than that. Having an expectation obstructs this process because you start reacting to the things you experience or the practice itself, rather than just sitting and observing. Mindfulness Meditation is intended to be for its own sake and any changes you experience are a natural result of that approach. I'll quote a Headspace blog here: Instead, next time you sit, simply notice whether you feel different in any way at all when you finish your meditation than when you first sat down. I am not talking about lightening bolts of insight or anything like that, but perhaps just feeling a little less tense, perhaps a little calmer, slightly more aware of how you are feeling and a little softer around the edges. If you begin your meditation free from any expectation and with the motivation to quietly benefit others, then more often than not you will experience these benefits. At the end of the day, If I compare my current self to myself 6 months in the past I wouldn't be like: "OMG you've got to meditate it's life changing!!". I don't think it's a necessary thing for everyone to do or a required activity to become a better person. There's no shame in not meditating if you don't enjoy it or derive anything from it. I have however enjoyed my practice over the past 6 months and have appreciated the smaller changes I listed above. Having said that, I always recommend it to people who are experiencing anxiety or panic due to the significant positive changes it helped instigate for me on that account.Any attempt to analyze the perceived progress of meditation is really the beginning of the end. All we are doing is turning up each day to watch the mind. All we can really say is that we are more attentive and more aware or less attentive and less aware. The only problem is that the mind doing the judging and analysis is the same mind which is being judged and analysed—which gets a bit tricky. We also have the problem that the mind analyzing the mind now, is a different mind than the one which analyzed the mind previously—in so much as our perception is always changing. These two factors alone make any analysis impossible.
BOOJIE SENTENCE ALERT I'm thankful for my banker. How fucked up is that? Thing of it is, he's the Iron Bank of Bravos. He's the Rothschilds. He's not in it for me, he's in it for him... but when you've taken out a six-figure loan for a business, you're not dealing with tellers anymore. You're dealing with a dude who reads your profit & loss statements every month, who has to approve your capital expenditures, who will bloody well polish and modify your business plan because he's got capital hanging out there in the breeze and you're a part of his personal portfolio. You underperform, he underperforms. I've talked to him before because the birth center's landlord has threatened to sell us the building when his kids are out of school (he's not a great landlord, he knows it, and I think he wants to cash out when the kids are out so he can go travel the world or some shit). The building is currently worth about $1.9m which is a large expense. I mean, I'm collecting unemployment. new tires pushed the checking account down to $21. Cash flow is pretty fucked up when one of you is a freelancer and the other has had doors open on a small business for less than 9 months. But give us four years and, based on projections and a refined understanding of commercial loan structures (synopsis: they're deeply fucked up) we'll probably be able to do it. I talked to him again because I'm lining up on a future where I'm not mixing bullshit television for a living, I'm making watches. This will involve school. This will involve investment. And if I do it the way I want to do it, it will involve the substantial purchase of machine tools. I asked my representative what sort of credentialing and behavior the Iron Bank of Bravos would like to see before underwriting this venture. His answer was, essentially, "fuck your watchmaking business, buddy, you run off and bail on a steady income before you've secured a loan on your wife's building and you have no loan. Get your shit together first and then run off and join the circus. Here, let's talk about how we can line that up." Granted - by my calcs the Iron Bank is likely to make a little better than a million dollars on this proposed transaction. I'd give pretty detailed advice, too, if I were trying to protect a potential seven-figure revenue stream. There is no altruism here, just pure business sense. Nonetheless it's so easy to hear "go to school! Learn a trade! Scholarship! SBA loan! Ponies and rainbows!" especially from the people trying to get you on the hook that being slapped upside the head by a Lawful Neutral Dirty Rotten Banker was a breath of fresh air. It definitely altered my flight plan... but it shifted it from a path of easy hypotheticals to a path of hard actuals and I would much rather know than guess. It's extraordinarily fucking weird bandying about millions of dollars as if you actually have them while at the same time recognizing that you're bandying them about because they're within reach. I haven't had a real job in over ten years now and I've got a house, I've got a car, I've got a daughter and I've got a fairly clear future and everything I've ever learned, everything I've ever been taught, everyone I've ever talked to would not believe I'm not dead in a gutter right now. I feel like a goddamn pirate sometimes. My father told me to liquidate my ethereum holdings NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW before I "lose everything." ETH was at $6 and I had nothing to lose. My daughter begs me to take the top down in the Porsche because she likes waving at people from the back of a convertible in December. She'll say things like "but it's not raining that much..." I may become horrifically risk-averse again. Tragedy may yet strike. I have plenty to lose. But I'm starting to come around to the fact that I didn't fluke into my life, I achieved it by being brave enough to bet on myself. It's a weird fucking feeling.
When you hit that point? Share the secret with the rest of us. I'm here entirely due to luck. That statement is almost certainly 100% false but the emotion is a tough one to conquer.But I'm starting to come around to the fact that I didn't fluke into my life, I achieved it by being brave enough to bet on myself. It's a weird fucking feeling.
.... Soo is now a good time to preorder a watch?
Right on. Voucher skeleton movement with the 24k gold machine-turned dial in solid sapphire case. That'll be $500k, please. Srsly tho I could probably have 4 or 5 of these (rough equivalent) done by the end of 2018 for, like, not a lot. I've already started one for myself and aside from the band and a new mainspring, I'm about $80 all in.
This sums up pretty well how I feel learning to snowboard and looking at my progress. Like I didn’t just magically not break my neck hurling myself down mountains, I actually moved my body with intent even when I’m not consciously thinking about it. I just blindly trusted myself not to fuck up even though I landed on my ass pleeeeeenty of times. This understanding is starting to leak into the rest of my life. But I'm starting to come around to the fact that I didn't fluke into my life, I achieved it by being brave enough to bet on myself. It's a weird fucking feeling.
I decided to learn how to snowboard this year. My buddy that has been an instructor at Banff and usually boards in the Himalayas has been teaching me. (He said seeing us fall while we learn is more fun than going down our crappy hills). So far, I've only gone down the baby hill and it's super different from skiing. Wish me luck on not breaking my neck! I've been enjoying it!
My ass was super bruised after my first weekend learning to board. At Tremblant. More than I ever thought I could be bruised. The learning curve is easy for most so it is a good skill to have but I still prefer skis. It is fun! I just finished your Burn video. I believe you are right that the right question to ask about an experience is: why not? From watching your vids I thought you have had that attitude already. My first time truly travelling alone I was 20, had a backpack, money and a return ticket for 3 months later from an airport thousands of miles away. My first night was the first night in my life that I was ever truly scared. Fuck I am in a foreign country, I do not know anyone, no one has my back and I can't go home no matter what. I am responsible for everything. How the fuck am I going to do this? As you might predict, 3 months later I was not ready to go home. That;s really just a seque to my point. When I got home, I had a high school friend ask me: Why would you want to do that? I still regret my answer which was: Bob if you have to ask that question you will not understand the answer. You do it because you have the opportunity to do it and you want to experience the world and what it has to offer.
It was right though a bit too blunt. Bob is a good hearted guy but all he wants to do with his life is to have a steady union job, own a house and afford a classic car as his one extravagance. He has never left the country and probably has only been to big city less that a dozen times, maybe for a Bon Jovi concert or something similar. A perfect example of the Delta people Orwell described in 1984; the menial laborers who are perfect;y happy doing what they do and can not understand why anyone would want to even have the responsibility of being the manager at the factory. We got several inches of nice light snow today so I was out playing in it today! Have a great weekend and happy holidays.
I could see that, I feel like I'm ruining the ski hills back home (Ontario) by learning out here. The chairlift to the green runs that was already longer than any I had been on had another chairlift at the top, but I've mostly been on the bunny hill too which will hopefully change tomorrow with some new boots. It sounds like you're in good hands so your neck should be alright but wrist's are a different story, my wrist guards are up there with proper fitting boots on the list of things that will make my season not suck. You'll kill it, I hope your season is full of pow days and not injuries !
It is hard to learn to board in Ontario as I think boards are much better on powder than ice/hard pack. I suck at skiing in deep powder because of that but on a board it is awesome. And the ass bruising is very real when you are beginning to board. I had wrist guards but needed hockey pants instead. :)
Thankfully we got some fresh powder the day I went on the bigger run to break my fall but not too much that it was a totally different experience. We are expecting more over night so tomorrow should be awesome especially with my new boots. If I wanted to toe carve on the ones I had I would stand on my toes in the boot and twist my ankle so they were maaaaaybe a bit loose. I think it can be a little more intimidating out here when you see how big it is but the fluffiness of the snow does really help calm that anxiety. I honestly had moments of looking at the ground and thinking well might as well try that thing I’m afraid of because it won’t hurt to fall.
What hill? Soft boots? I had only maybe 20 days on a board when I went out west for a road trip with some pro boarders. Started at Nakiska, then Banff. Lake Louise. Marmot, Fernie, Cranbrook, etc. And the highlight was a couple of days heliskiing with Weigle. I thought it would be a learning experience but I could just not keep up so switched to skis. Except when in knee or waist high pow. But generally everyone had to wait for me to flub my way down. No need for any fear in deep powder as long as you avoid the rocks! It is a whole new beautiful world.
Lake Louise is my usual hill. I’m hoping to take a little trip out to Revelstoke when it’s at its prime. Just crappy used boots I bought to get me on the hill until I could afford good ones that fit better. I’m loving the ones I got this time, they definitely weren’t cheap but it’s worth it considering I was easily going to break a bone with the ones I had. My friends were spending a while waiting on me too. Ever thought about splitboarding ? Sounds like you might be into that.
Have tried the split and Nordic. It is pretty good but skinny, Great in couloirs though. Prefer super soft boots on a board and super hard on skis. With no socks for some reason. lol. Too bad I am going South Americas this winter or I would join you.
Job Hunting I’m dropping off a few more applications today. Talking to someone the other day, they think the reason I’m not getting hired anywhere is because I make too much as it is and because of that no one wants to give my applications a further look. So I’m thinking of no longer filling out the pay history section of job applications. Anyone have any thoughts on that? That job I mentioned the other week, that I applied for? The one I think would be really cool to work at? I haven’t heard back from them even after leaving a voicemail and all. It’s pretty disappointing, but that’s the way these things go I guess. I’m just kicking things into high gear at this point, because work is not going good anymore (not that it has been, for a long while). Work Without going into too much detail, I’ve had this job for over ten years with the exception of that time where I got that new job but things fell through, found a different job but things fell through, so I’m back where I’m at. Over the past five or six years now, working at the place has been like sitting in the passenger seat of a car heading straight for a wall, all in slow motion. The things that have happened year over year has been crazy. Compared to when I first started, we’re at about 40% of the payroll hours of what we used to have. As a result, people are over worked and over whelmed and we’re at the point where it’s literally impossible to get done everything that needs doing in the course of a day. In addition to the slashing in hours, there has been layoffs and department shut downs, the cutting back of benefits, anything the company can do to save money even if it means they’re shooting themselves in the foot. That alone makes the place a ghost of itself. It’s worse though, in so many ways I don’t want to get into. The scariest thing though, is the culture now. You guys know what a brain drain is? When a country’s economy starts to go bad so all of the smart, hard working people leave the country for greener pastures and there’s a positive feedback loop and every cycle things get worse and more people leave? That’s literally what’s happening at this company. What was once a place of encouragement and empowerment has been replaced by goons in charge and an oppressive bully culture. I’m not a lawyer or a business analyst or anything, but I do know some of the lingo and I know my rights as a worker and I think at this point and from my perspective, the whole company could pretty much be summed up as a hostile work environment. It’s a pretty normal thing now to talk to employees who are frustrated and angry and overwhelmed and scared and there’s gossip and backbiting and it’s hard to keep out of and things are pretty scary. Really scary. Back to the car crash analogy, the wall has been oncoming for years. Without going into specifics though, some crazy scary crap has gone down the past few weeks I think we’ve finally hit the point where the car has come into contact with the wall and the engine compartment is getting crushed and glass is shattering and this vehicle is an ‘80s GM G-Body with no airbags and shitty seat belts. Things are fucked up, really bad, and it’s obvious they’re only gonna get worse. The crazy thing is though? On realizing this, I’m not scared or frustrated or upset. I’m gonna do my best to get out, like I’ve been trying, and keep my head up in the mean time. Other than that, I really feel emotionally detatched from what’s going on. I think it’s because I’ve wanted to rage quit so many times over the past year and haven’t, that I’m just in a mental place where my job doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing I’m scared about is the wellbeing of my coworkers. For quite a few of them, this crappy job is the only thing keeping their lives together and that’s pretty awful to think about. At this point, I’d want to note I have a back up plan. One of my coworkers is a manager at another job and has been begging me to work for them for a few years now. Only problem is, it’s minimum wage. It’s nice to know though, if something happens to me at this job, I have a pretty much guaranteed safety net. Also funny, my boss is trying to get me to come in today. It’s Christmas week and I have errands for the whole day (including dropping off those applications I mentioned). They asked yesterday for me to come in today and I said no, but I’d be willing to come in early or stay late on another shift to help out. They asked again today and got the same response from me. They’re probably dragging my name through the dirt right now in front of my coworkers, cussing me under their breath like they do whenever things don’t go their way, which is funny cause I constantly work extra shifts, come in early, stay late, never call in sick, and always give 110% when I’m working. Heck, the past four out of my six paychecks I’ve already worked past my alloted payroll hours. The one time I say “no” though? I become Villain #1. New Years Resolution I finally stopped drinking about two or three months back. It took me the majority of 2017 to get there, but here I am. I already miss it, quite a bit actually, especially when I see people on television drinking beers, whiskey, etc. Everything looks delicious. I have the same problem with smoking. I’ve been tobacco free for seven or eight years now but every time I see a cigarette or cigar, I want one. It’s nice though, to have that willpower over it. The plus side is, I’m actually a bit more productive now because lets be honest, you can’t take boozy naps if you don’t drink any booze. So what do I do with my new found free time? Chores. ::Half hearted cheer:: Yay. I love chores. So what’s my new, new years resolution for next year? I’m gonna focus on being a more positive person. That means I’m gonna try my best stop making disparaging comments about people in power, governments (on all levels, domestic and foreign), getting into useless arguments on the internet, listening to others gossip, the usual. It’s a tall order and it’s gonna take some time to get there, but I think with practice, I’ll get good at it pretty quick. Study Bibles and Qurans The other week Dala had gotten a study bible as a Christmas gift for a friend of ours. She happened to pick one up for ourselves as well since she knew I needed a new one. I haven’t done more than just thumb through it yet, but it looks more than halfway decent. It made me miss my old NIV Study Bible though so I swung by the bookstore to see if they had one in stock. They did. For $100. I don’t remember how much mine cost but I’m halfway sure it wasn’t that much. So I think I’m gonna hold off for now. That said, while I was there I figure I’d check to see if they have any Study Qurans to replace the one I lent out so many years ago. They did, this guy and let me tell you, it’s both really cool and a lot to take in. To give you an idea of how loaded it is, this thing is about three inches thick and the pages are as thin as you can possibly get (think tissue paper thin). When you start going through it though, you suddenly see why. On every page, only about the top third of the page is religious text. The other two thirds of the page? Information upon information upon information. We’re talking history, language, culture, on and on. This thing is detailed, almost to a fault. It’s not what I would call a fun way to read the Quran, partly because the religious text itself is in plain english (if language was a food, this thing would be white rice with just a touch of salted butter) and the format of only reading the top third of the book kind of hurts the flow. But other than that, wow, I don’t think I can recommend this book enough. I’m thinking about getting two copies to donate to my local Baha’i Center. It’s good for a library like that. So yeah, that’s kind of life at the moment. Christmas is almost here Hubski, here’s hoping you’re all having an amazing close out to this year.
Oh man, I feel you on the work front - to the point I wondered if we worked at the same company. It makes me wonder if things are just getting tighter all over, we're supposed to be in this boom time, but I see more and more companies are playing closer and closer to the chest. It's like they know their not supposed to, and they pretend they aren't, but they do it anyway. Pretty crazy. On the study bible, I've recently started going through these videos and It's been a really fascinating education. If you're looking for a supplement, that's a good one.
The scary thing is, I don't know about your profession, in my profession it's like that almost everywhere now. I could jump from this sinking ship, but chances are any ship I jump onto is also sinking. Also, maybe on fire. So as long as I'm getting paid well, I'm gonna ride it out. That Youtube channel looks pretty cool. Were there any videos that stood out to you in particular?
I think everywhere is like this. I remember lamenting some projects that have been on the backburner for awhile and you were like "how are you able to get away with that?" and my answer was a shrug and "you put out the fire that will blow up in your face the worst first, then try to work your way back." When you are working on what could be generously called a skeleton crew when you are fully staffed and you are two people down, you just try not to drown while you watch the vultures circle.
I'm in tech and ecommerce. I'm a little obsessive so I watch full playlists. I started with the old testament playlist which explains the books from a very high level, which is very different then how they've been explained to me in the past.
When I quit sweets, for the first few days, it was difficult not to look at the sugary stuff. It didn't win, but not for the lack of trying. I quit because I recognized, somewhere deep inside, that sweets were the bane of my weight loss (I know, I know: naive me for thinking anything else). I couldn't quit anything out of duty to myself; I suspect I wouldn't be able to quit smoking because it's "bad for me". I need a compelling damn reason to quit, and once I do, it's a small but profound change. I'm not going to compare sweets with smoking or drinking: not only are they addictions of different magnitudes, but I've also not tried either of the latter. I'm also not going to say that you don't want it "bad enough". I'd merely suggest that you find a good reason to not come back to whatever was going to slowly kill you and repeat it to yourself every time you see something. At some point, it might just click, and the disgust might outweigh the temptation. Chores are the workout for your life. They're awesome. You're literally making your life a percent better every time you manage something. If entropy in inevitable and living well is fun, that one percent in a step forward unlike any other.Everything looks delicious. I have the same problem with smoking. I’ve been tobacco free for seven or eight years now but every time I see a cigarette or cigar, I want one.
So what do I do with my new found free time? Chores.
All the more weight to finding your reason to not engage with what hurts you.
Disengaging from Hubski for a while. In my first month and a half, I've already managed to clash with a number of locals. Either I'm doing something wrong, or I'm doing something right. Going to figure that out. Besides, depression made its presence known again. I'm on the backswing but still not a pleasant interlocutor. A Hubskier told me, in a private conversation, that the other Russian, the guy people were firmly associating me with, also fought with depression. Frankly, I'm not surprised that he was: it is a glum country. One thing I realized, though, is that you would never know were it for me telling you so. Not only are Americans uninterested in the outside culture — something noted way back in the 30s — Russia has become a boogeyman for the rest of the Western world. "Oh, you're gonna do this? But what if Russia?" I'm not saying you're supposed to care about Russia. I think it would be a good idea to look into the enemy the state names, to see if they're as bad as they are. That's something Henry Rollins said that resonated with me. The people are not the threat. I'm not evil. Lots of people I know are nowhere near evil. The petty scumbags I get to see? Less than one percent — and that's everywhere. Speaking of the outside world: I found the kind of a suit I want to graduate in. No black robes, no square hats: bright, white-orange-gold coat — a symbol of celebration rather than sullen seriousness. Rosa has been cooling due to the mood swing. I've gotten much clarity for the other things, so it's been worth it. I'm working on a little game that it the essence what I wish to see in design: minimal semiotics for a very high symbol-to-meaning ratio. It's stupid-simple and it may not mean much to you, but it means a world to me to be able to craft it. I'll share it as soon as it's ready.
Hubski is a pretty small bar. Stepping on feet from time to time is inevitable. You're also an ESL speaker with a different cultural background than America/Western Europe so there's some additional struggle there. Everyone here is actually pretty quick to forgive and forget. As for people in the west hating Russia? Maybe it's from where I'm standing, but we don't see everyday citizens as villains, no matter what country you're from. You're all trying to get by just as much as we are. Hell, if you come here you'd probably pretty much be greeted with open arms. And with an accent? Shoot, ladies would be tripping over themselves to get a chance to talk to you. American girls love foreign accents.
What role you think it plays? The problem is that you don't see everyday citizens. All I know about Turkey is that they have a dictator for a leader and some outrageous foreign relations. Passively, that's all I'm going to get. It would take being exposed to the country's culture and zeitgeist or to its people to change my outlook to any significant manner. I know there are people in Turkey, and I'm pretty sure most of them are just people living their lives under slightly different conditions. I know the Turkish people aren't their government. I just don't think about those people. I suspect that's the same kind of outlook people get in the US... except Americans have been, for decades, fed the idea of Russia being the villain, and that's a big factor. Hell, I'm not a racist, and even I turn away from the people out of contries-to-the-south (Uzbekistan, Tajikistan etc.) — because the idea of them being "inferior", almost to the level of untouchables, is what I've been exposed to for as long as I live. It's a terrible sentiment to hold onto, even unconsciously, but — no denial it's there, and it's going to be there for a while even if I take actions to acquiant myself with those people (even the pronoun I use — "those", meaning "they far away", rather than "these", "they close to me" — exposes my bias). People in the West — hell, people all around the globe, at this point — hate Russia, without looking further into the entity known as such, because Russia is the enemy. You don't get the opportunity to have an image of the person living in the "enemy state" because that would make you see that the shit the country's doing is not the whole country's fault, but a few rotten people in the upper echelons of government who deem it appropriate to lie, cheat and steal as long as they get to see their profits increase, with few regards to the lives of the people whose backs they're sitting on. The best I can do, then, is to expose you to the outlook of someone from this country. It's your choice whether to engage with the exploration. I could only give you the opportunity. That is what I suspect would happen if I were to come to the US. "Oh, you're Russian? Come in, you freaky redhat, and tell us stories from the Motherland!" I'm joking, of course. I think people would appreciate being able to learn something about the land far away and the people it hosts. People want to see other people. Governments do crazy shit that bends their peoples over for a higher goal they can barely perceive the consequences of. Yo. I'm not exactly a ladies' magnet. But — I'll keep that in mind. I have a fun little tidbit to say about girls speaking in accents, but the reply is already way long Sorry for the long haul. I'm sure you have better things to do than read whatever nonsense I have to share.You're also an ESL speaker with a different cultural background than America/Western Europe
As for people in the west hating Russia? Maybe it's from where I'm standing, but we don't see everyday citizens as villains
Hell, if you come here you'd probably pretty much be greeted with open arms.
Shoot, ladies would be tripping over themselves to get a chance to talk to you.
It just creates communication gaps. There's cultural and historical nuances that are behind words and phrases that sometimes don't come across if you're not mentally embedded in the language. At the same time, your world view and someone else's world view might lead to different interpretations and/or expectations of the exact same conversation. It doesn't mean you shouldn't converse, it's just something to be aware of. As for everything else, I'd say this. Despite what the news, including American news, might make you think, Americans in general are pretty open people. Because we're people, and at our core we're all good, even if we're massive fuck ups sometimes. Maybe for a while, as an experiment, instead of think "American" or "Russian" or "Chinese" or "Brazilian" or whatever, replace those words in your internal vocabulary with "human" and "good" whenever you can and see where that perspective takes you. You might surprise yourself.What role you think it plays?
My family is from an ex-Soviet country, I'm 95% sure my nuclear engineer grandfather was involved in the Cuban Missile Crisis (family lived in Cuba for 5 coincidental years), and now I'm a cog in the DoD machine. Russia is a near-peer military threat, so it has to be a boogeyman. Are you saying the U.S. isn't one of the few boogeymen in Russian culture? Nobody in their right mind would declare any citizen of another country as evil because they are members of that state. Combatants and political actors engage in warfare with other combatants and political actors, not their civilian populations. I encourage you not to associate American political and media agendas with the global outlook of American citizens.
This might be collision of terms we use. I understand "boogeyman" to mean an intentionally vague entity that is used to scare people into submission. This is how I see Russia being perceived, although... ...this exposes my bias. I don't get to see Americans: only what they get to see on screens and in the papers. How relative is public interest and political activity of the Russia/Trump scandal for an Average Standard American?Russia is a near-peer military threat, so it has to be a boogeyman.
I encourage you not to associate American political and media agendas with the global outlook of American citizens.
I understand now that you mean boogeyman to be a kind of tool for the government or media, and for the media, you're right. But that's only the case because the media will grab anything it can to snowball into the forefront of the public interest, and Russian-American relations happen to be full of theatrical events. Right now, the biggest outlets in news media are more similar to a reality show like Keeping Up With the Kardashians than a source of information for current events. News on the Russia/Trump scandal is something I personally make an effort to ignore because it is just so difficult to sift through the media until I can find actual information, so I won't comment on it. But I would say the Average Standard American sees it as a talking point that they know nothing about to debate others who know equally nothing about it, just like most other political events that stem from today's administration. I'm glad we see more eye-to-eye than was apparent at first :)
That's Quote Book material. Stealing it.the Average Standard American sees it as a talking point that they know nothing about to debate others who know equally nothing about it
I appreciate the thought. Guess I'm just wired to not rock the boat. Had to figure out what's more important, and how to get through the guilt once I speak my mind.
I'll miss you. You are uniquely eloquent in a non-native language, which is always a pleasure for a wordsmith like me to encounter and experience. And I think you may be reading too much antagonism into some of the ahem "discussions" we have here on hubski. Yeah, people make points using strong language, but not in a way intended to diminish you... but for emphasis in this text-based medium, motherfucker. :-) Whether you stay or go, your contributions here have been valuable. Thank you for sharing yourself with us, even if it was only for a short time.
It's a high praise, coming from someone like you. I appreciate it. If it's any consolation, I never meant to leave Hubski for good. I just needed some space.
I'm sure that I've had almost every prominent long term member of Hubski that I don't know in RL cursing, frothing mad at me at some point in the last few years. I had pretty much the whole community come down on me one time for calling out another members bullshit. Told I was totally out of line and that I needed to apologize and they couldn't believe what an asshole I was (later on more than a one of them apologized and admitted that I was just the first person to realize what was really going on). I've got scars from some of the battles I've engaged in. I've had to eat big old dishes of crow when I was in the wrong and there are more than a few times I've burned a bridge and stuck to my guns because I thought it was the right thing. Don't sweat a little conflict, it's one of the ways we grow and learn.
There's a Zen Buddhist term, mu, that means a number of things — among them, pointing out that a question, in its current form, cannot be answered. So, mu. I think it is to say that, just as most Americans are generally uninterested in the outside world, most Russians generally drink. "The greatest country in the world"? Come on. Just as well, there are plenty alcoholics here.
What's your hangover remedy? If you're going to cling to that opinion it's going to warp your perception of the people here. You're an outsider as most of us are North Americans. So if you offer opinions on our politics or culture, as most things here are geared towards that or at the least the experiences of us, then you need to preface your opinion that it's coming from an outsider who doesn't have the intuitive understanding of our culture and not get upset if you overextend the importance or relevance of opinions that should be tempered with understanding that you do not have the same cultural background
I think you've just proven my point. I don't need to have "intuitive understand of [your] culture" to provide my opinion. You may have been born in the USA, but I've been studying it a lot. Sure, I'm no expert... Are you? Don't wanna hear my opinion? That's fine. I'd like to hear yours, though. I hope you're not going to stereotype me as just another outsider hoping to hit the first base with your beloved country.you need to preface your opinion that it's coming from an outsider who doesn't have the intuitive understanding of our culture
fuck am I doing Okay, you know what? You win. I'm an outsider. I can't fathom what your country's going through 'cause I don't live there, I don't breathe there, I don't shit there, and the stuff I'm reading about it sure as shit ain't going to enlighten me 'cause you need intuition to grasp it... like I'm going to tell you about the state of Walmart or how to treat your troops returning from abroad or someshit. I've said I'm not an American a hundred times by now. You want me to say it any more? Alright, I'll mention it every time I reply to you about something concerning the US, 'cause I'm pretty sure the rest of Hubski already gets it. Don't even start about the validity of opinions. A modicum of thought is enough to consider that maybe our perspectives might be different.
I want you to not take it personally when you're told you're wrong and not expect to have the kind of knowledge of this country that you seem to think you have. You can have insight but as an outsider and your knowledge is indirectly acquired. We once had a long conversation that was basically me and others trying to explain that you don't understand freedom of speech here and you wouldn't back down from your misunderstanding of that right here. You need to be willing to back down like I do when I hear about Canada or New England instead of getting butthurt. You aren't going to find a more willing community to consider the experience of the world outside their own experience than hubski and your prejudice about the people in America and your perceived disrespect are causing your bad experience. And you know what? You're still upset that you feel someone is disrespecting you instead of giving you advice on how to approach people and get over your own arrogance
I apologize. I've given you a dose of disrespect that you didn't deserve, simply because your opinion was opposing mine. I was in a bad place, and with as clear a view of things as I do now, I wouldn't have hit "contribute" then. I still disagree with you on a lot that you brought up, during this conversation or your last reply, but I'm in no position to argue any of it with clarity right now. I just wanted to say that I made a mistake by being as dismissive and aggressive towards you and your words as I was.
Yes. I am an expert on my culture as much as you are on yours and no amount of studying makes up for immersion in a culture. I don't even offer my opinion on Canada in a way except as an outsider and we aren't even that different. I don't offer opinions on other parts of my own country unless I'm prepared to accept my outsider status. Where I'm from is different than New England and The West so I accept I don't know what it's like in those places
If possible I would highly suggest traveling outside of Russia for a little while
Born and raised in Montreal, Canada but both my parents are from Russia. We spoke Russian at home, watched movies, read books etc. Went to Russian Sunday school until I was 15 so while I'm not great, I have basic reading and writing skills too. But I noped out of trying once we started learning about the Деепричастие and the writing exceptions. No way knowing how to properly spell "falling star" properly will ever come in handy as a Canadian citizen, and all the rules seemed like overkill for me to be aware of.
I’d say it’s pretty good! I lack a little in slang but otherwise I’m good :) I only get flagged as a foreigner in Russia when mentioning brand names like Kleenex or Tylenol. Or if I say something dumb like look for hair conditioner and actually calling it кондиционер in russian.
I had to google it. It actually is called "кондиционер", isn't it? I know I heard people talk about it.
Конечно, я не знаю, сколько знают другие о тебе и твоей стране. Но может быть, что ты не знаешь более о нас :)
Nope, my incomplete recollection of what I studied in college (so > 10 years ago).
I wanted a variety. English is my native language, and by college I was already fluent in Spanish, so it seemed like a good next step. I also studied Mandarin and Ancient Greek while in college, and am currently refreshing my Greek and slowly beginning Coptic.
How do you feel about speaking Russian now? Did you have practice with it afterwards?
I've forgotten 95% of what I learned, probably, although I'm sure it's floating around there someplace. I'd like to get back into it eventually, but I don't really have the time to learn something like that. Dead languages just require reading (so are generally something I pick up faster) and I can work at my own place.
If you get back to it and need practice, just let me know.
10 notes from a month into my Chessbrah internship in Montreal: 1. An obsession for perfection is what separates the very best players from everyone else- it becomes a constant in one's life, whereas discipline and passion will naturally fluctuate. 2. There once was a Canadian chess player who got so drunk before a game that he fell asleep in the middle of it, woke up, and pissed onto the board thinking that he was in the bathroom. 3. It always seems really impressive to me whenever I hear a child speak in French, even though its probably the only language they know how to speak. 4. Most poker tournaments aren't there to prove who the best poker player is. Most poker tournaments are gambling events where you might get 1st place. The strong poker players avoid playing against each other to prey on the people who play in those tournaments for fun. 5. You can get a case of 12 watter bottles for $1.99 CAD. Why is water so cheap here? 6. The Elo rating system is a great way to assess any skill you can think of. I'm a 1200 at cooking, a 1400 at Melee, a 1800 at pinball, a 1900 at design, etc. People with average ratings think that the next level is always slightly within reach. The higher Elo rating you have, the more you understand how wide each gap really is. 7. There are only 4 authors in Canada who can live off their published work in bookstores. 8. If you're from the US traveling to Canada, don't tell immigration services that you're self-employed, especially if you're staying for longer than a month. It just looks like you're trying to become a Canadian citizen illegally. 9. There was a period where you couldn't access Twitch.tv through one of Canada's major internet providers. So, yeah, that's what not having net neutrality does. 10. A conversation I overheard while I was at Westcott Books on its last day before it closed: Are you sure you don't want any booze? For the occasion. Sure. Beer or wine? Wine perhaps. Red or white? I don't know, I like red I guess. Good or bad? Bad, so I don't drink so much that I wake up hungover next morning.
It's tap water. No, seriously That water, plastic and packaging probably cost $.50 to produce.5. You can get a case of 12 watter bottles for $1.99 CAD. Why is water so cheap here?
So last week I went out and bought a Tascam Portastudio 4 track tape deck. Yes, I actually spent $60 on a old piece of recording equipment you can barely buy media for. It's in really nice shape, actually, after wiping off some mysterious gunk that it came with. I got it to experiment with some lofi/ambient sounds in my music, in no small part inspired by AMULETS, and so far it's really cool. I could potentially use it as a one-stop studio for analog recording too, assuming I learn how to use it that way. Coming from always having used a DAW, it makes me appreciate the trials and tribulations our ancestors in music went through. I've also been having a ton of fun poking around with electronics. I made a variation of the Atari Punk Console that has an eight-step sequencer via 4017 chip, and all the variable resistors are photoresistors, so it works like a kind of light theremin. I have all the stuff to start etching my own circuit boards, but I haven't tried one yet. I'm also beginning to get a grip on understanding 555 timers and OP amps. I think I'll be doing lots of soldering in 2018.
Oh hey, I own that exact 4 track too. It's what I recorded most of my first 2 EPs on, and I still get some use out of it these days. There's a good YouTube channel called something like "Recording 424", I'll dig it up after work. Has some good tutorials for using this particular doohickey.
Finally got around making that Burning Man video :) Can't wait to go again next year. Been tying up all the loose ends. I feel I have too many mini-projects and ideas cluttering my head right now and I just need to get em all done so I can start the year fresh. Sitting down every morning doing a to-do list of all the dumbest things I think "I should do someday" and cranking it out.
It's hard to document for purposes other than just personal recollection but that was a great video. Were you your group's primary documentarian? Or did everyone have a camera?
More progress. In a different mode than I've been working. I'm looking forward to some holiday family time. Next month is probably going to be nuts. We lost a chicken to a hawk a few weeks ago. The chicken escaped, but was mortally wounded. She died of an infection a few days later. My wife tried antibiotics, but it was too late. I think instant vet intervention might have saved the her, but we didn't think the injury was that bad at first. RIP Fuzzball. My daughter took it fairly well. It was a few days after that she broke down, actually not so much for the chicken, but she was worried about the people she loved dying. Luckily we don't have hawks to contend with.
I got the board game Civilization A New Dawn and it's really solid. It uses a great mechanic for turns that keeps the game moving and, unlike a lot of war games, doesn't let one person get wiped out early so they can't participate. On a similar vein, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do for my new years resolution. Every year I choose a word that will be the theme for the next year. 2017 was "slow" because I was charging headlong into a lot of stuff, and I'm thinking 2018 will be "adulthood". There are a lot of aspects of adult life that my wife does for the both of us. While that's great for me, I don't think that's a very good model for going forward and I think I need to suck it up and live an adult life (in some aspects). That's also got me thinking a lot about games and media. I play a lot of games in my free time, and I don't watch a lot of movies or TV or read. I'm trying to tackle my feelings on that, TV and movies feel like they're a bigger part of the culture and they make it easier to chat at work. Books feel a lot more valuable, especially in the holidays when I'm hanging out with my in-laws who are all ivy league alumni. But I like games, and I need to find a way to talk about the narrative merit of games like Beginner's Guide and That Dragon Cancer. Work is still boring.
Going Home I've been feeling ornery again these past couple of days. Going home is not good for my psyche, and I can't wait to have the "I don't plan on going home next Christmas but I will happily fly you out here" conversation in a few days. I have so much trouble spending that much time in an area and with some family who I hold immense amounts of resentment towards. It would be healthier to just let it go, but maybe I am not that strong of a person. Physical Health Which, speaking of that, this injury is driving me crazy because of how borderline it is. I can climb fine. I can run a bit, but every so often I'll take a step and feel pain or tightness. It's driving my crazy. That, and realizing some things that are wrong with my running form. Think after I submit this post I'm going to call a PT to set-up an appointment for after the holidays. Relationships In the midst of a long conversation with a longtime friend on relationships and how I haven't really been in one in 3.5 years now. Sure, there's been a lot of short term dating between then and now, but no this is my girlfriend / you are my boyfriend kind of nonsense. The running, hiking, etc. are all more fulfilling than the repeated cycle of dating, sex, losing interest, or them losing interest in me. Already spent February - July this year actively opting out of dating, but maybe I need to do it for a longer period of time or something. I don't know. All I know is I'm not finding what I've been looking for, or I'll find it, but the person is already in a committed relationship. I haven't progressed as far along as I had thought, Hubski.
On the relationship front, it sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to be doing. You're no good in a relationship until you're good on your own.
I'm really only good when I'm hiking, climbing, or running. Which in normal circumstances is most my free time. It's when I'm unable to do these things often that the wheels really start to fall off. Also I've been hearing this and thinking this for a good three years now and it feels like that will never be the case, despite the promotions, despite the hobbies and generally (I think) somewhat interesting life, good job, etc. maybe I'm just not the kind of person well-suited for relationships.You're no good in a relationship until you're good on your own.
That could be -- some people just decide they're not that interested in a relationship. Maybe that's you?
Well, I am, but I'm also particular in what I'm looking for, and it's not that easy to find.
I would bet a pitcher the next time you’re in Banff that you’re just afraid to really be vulnerable so your relationships don’t get to that next stage. What millennial doesnt have that problem, honestly ? A guy I was seeing in the summer helped me realize this, and it was a casual thing the whole time. Basically if he didn’t want a relationship I did and the second I didn’t he wanted one. It just went back and forth. As long as the guy isn’t asking a whole lot of me emotionally I feel great and the second they want long term I think of every reason why it’s a bad idea without even realizing I’m doing it. Well now I notice when I’m doing it and I’ve been doing a pretty good job squashing those feelings and actually letting myself get close to somebody. You’ll figure out whatever is stopping you.
Mmm, I don't know. Can't think of any instances the past few years where somebody has wanted a more serious relationship and I've said no. Can think of two instances the other way around, where I have asked. Though, come to think of it, I can't even think of having been asked in the past few years. Maybe there's a reason for that? I might be in Banff in late June / early July.
Saaaaame it’s because my brain decided I was afraid of commitment but let me believe I wanted it so that fucker kept going for emotionally unavailable guys. That way when I experienced this desire for commitment I had already set myself up in a situation where it wasn’t going to happen without even realizing it. So one night summer guy and myself are planning to talk about where this relationship is going, and I wasn’t actually sure what he would say. I was pretty firmly in the “want” group before we were going to talk and as soon as this conversation was inevitable I pivoted quickly to the “omg I don’t want a relationship right now” group until he said he wanted to keep things casual and I wound up in the “sad because obviously we would be great together if he just gave it a chance” pit of confusion. I ain’t proud. Although, it did make it easier to evaluate my thought processes having them laid out on such a short timeline. He did the same thing. As soon as I didn’t want one again he would start to feel like a relationship was a good idea. Prime patio days. Can think of two instances the other way around, where I have asked
Hah, it's not even that. Things either fizzle or blow up before that conversation even happens. Or in the two instances, it's a no, and things blow up a couple of weeks later.
mhmmmm, I know that fizzle and I know that blow up. I also know I pushed away every guy who was a good fit because I got scared even though my brain came up with a bunch of not very important personality flaws to cover up my anxiety. It might be something different but it's worth evaluating your motivation a bit more. I could easily keep on thinking that I pick apart every good guy's personality because I actually found a bunch of things I don't like but I've realized I only do it because I'm afraid I will like it. Funny timing, I actually realized yesterday that my favourite bars are always dive bars but I fought it. I don't fight it anymore, I know who I am and I know what I like. I think every time we decide we like some thing we are putting a piece of ourselves out there. Every time we decide we like a person we are putting a pretty big chunk of ourselves out there. Are dive bars perfect ? Hell no, but they make me happy and that's what's really important.
That's true enough, but sadly I'm not sure what if anything one can do to accelerate the process.
You either change your expectations or accept the fact that you are likely to frequently be an un-partnered person.
Oh, I meant in terms of accelerating the process of finding someone.
Admitting defeat and being willing to look at the reason is a step forward, even if it may seem like a step back.I haven't progressed as far along as I had thought, Hubski.
As some of you may remember, my Mom has Alzheimers. I have given my Mom her XMas presents twice already and she was surprised and happy both times. Sometimes the glass is half full.
Life is good in the hood. Crypto is bonkers... but I think I've stopped watching the prices. I've asked a friend to just tell me when it hits a certain point... until the point where a price is something I am going to take action around, I was just letting it affect me too much. My job is so much fun. It's really challenging, but really rewarding. I get to manage a tech support team. Every day is some ridiculous challenge... and I get to help people push through it. It's fun to talk about career development and help people make plans about what they want to do next. I love it. I guess I don't love getting yelled at by customers when issues get escalated... but even then, I just smile a lot, listen a lot and try to have fun with them too. It's fun to fix stuff. It's even more fun to help others come together as a team and fix stuff. Keep on rockin' in the free world...
Been in an unmotivated funk for the past few weeks. Seems like combination of end-of-year stress, crappier food, bad sleep, and probably laziness feeding off each other until vacuuming the floor feels like some kind of agony. On the whole, though, life's good. Pretty good performance review at work, been sticking with my exercise plan and improving, Anna I'm really looking forward to time is with family next week.
Winding down to the Christmas holiday, which I'm looking forward to. Unfortunately my wife has to go back to work on the 27th, and then is heading out with a friend for a couple of days, so I will be sole-parenting for a good chunk of the time. This of course means a tad lest restfulness than I might otherwise get, but se la vie. I've been playing around with Electron, a library geared towards doing desktop apps with NodeJS. It's interesting enough, even if I haven't quite figured out what it adds specifically over regular old node. It's something to do, even if I find the documentation to be lousy most of the time. And another thing is that variable scope seems really inconsistent; I'm randomly getting errors where it can't find global variables, or at the least those variables are being changed in ways that don't make sense. I haven't really gotten my head around how asynchronous events work, either. I also started with an art tutor, which is something I've had on the back burner for months. Games-wise, I've mostly been playing Mario Odyssey, which is fantastic. Breath of the Wild is also amazing, but I've been in the mood for something a little more casual. I did download the demo of Inside (the new game by the folks who made Limbo) for iOS, and so far it's got some of the best touch controls for a side-scroller I've ever used. This one will likely be a purchase, as long as the story holds up. More reading, more writing, just as usual.
So my step dad went to Birmingham on a business trip to pick up some of my belongings from my ex. And that set off some serious depression. Not so much because of the finality of it, but because I was afraid I was going to have to hear what they talked about over coffee together. I never did but I was just inconsolable, randomly breaking down in private. The day after he met with her, I contacted her. And we argued for a while about... I don't know what, and I finally said I'm willing to get back together and go to counseling together to accomplish that. After not speaking for two months. Which is a detail that's important probably. I told her I want her to think about if we could ever be together again and we can slowly work towards that. She said she'd think about it. I've talked to her a bit since. Have no answer yet but I want her to take her time and I don't want to be overbearing. We've been playing Words with Friends together again which is something we were doing while we were apart. I got on the Moth stage on Monday and told my story of being homeless and being saved by a woman from a long time ago and then losing her. I didn't cry which I was surprised about but I couldn't hide the fact that I was struggling not to at points in the story. I didn't win but I was happy with my score. Funny stories are more popular. The winner told a story about dropping a kale wrap and I couldn't compete with the superfood du jour of the NPR crowd.
I'm at a pub in Poprad, Slovakia with about 2 hours or so to burn waiting for my train. I'll try to catch up on replies, we'll see. The High Tatras are a dream. It's a resort area with dirt cheap prices. I mean who vacations in Slovakia? I've skied, met maybe the best dog ever, learned to snowboard, climbed to a mountain lake in a blizzard, and bonded with the local goulash man. I'm actually sad that I have to leave for.. Prague. Imagine that?
I've been pushing myself more lately and it's really starting to feel euphoric in a way. I realized it the first time when I was ice climbing and I had to look within to find the encouragement to keep going when I was out of conversation distant from the belayer. I could ask to be let down but I couldn't talk them into letting me give up and that pissed me off. I had to decide that on my own and I had to own that choice completely. It felt really fucking good to own the choice to keep going. I'm experiencing the same thing with snowboarding, the guy teaching me is supportive and clever enough to ride far enough ahead that I have to keep getting up if I want to keep talking to him about all the things I can't do that I really can do as soon as I push myself. I push myself because I want to keep up with them. This has been a pretty interesting development in my life right now, it feels like reigniting that fire to explore and grow we all start out with that life sometimes dims. Half of my thoughts here came together in the moment so I don't really have a clever conclusion here but fuck I feel like 2017 has been a good year for me.